Even if she isn't being truthful about her reason for quitting, any person who would quit a job so abruptly obviously isn't in a good place in life. Why would you be angry about them quitting? It seems that this might be for the best.
Someone who is having a difficult time (as she obviously is) doesn't need the added stress of a pissed off employer calling her references. Let it go and focus your energy on finding stable childcare.

My dad died last year due to drink related issues. He was an alcoholic. I didnt have a relationship with him but his death still shuck me a bit as it brought all these feelings of how now i will never have the father i had wanted(even if he was alive i wouldnt have but this made it more so) so i think its unfair you're judging her reaction to her fathers death just because she didnt react in a way you find acceptable. I wouldnt call any of her refs or alert care

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not coming in for one day means she quit?

I think OP meant she didn't give any notice that she was quitting. As in, she worked on Friday then sent a text over the weekend that she wasn't coming in on Monday (or ever again).

If that's the case then no, you don't call her references. That accomplishes nothing.

What is your goal in calling her references? You'd like them to amend their reccomendation of her based on your accounting of your experience? Do you know how crazy that sounds? She's going through a rough time, clearly, and she thought she could muscle through and realized she can't. You are a spiteful bitch.

Anonymous wrote:Not coming in for one day means she quit?

I think OP meant she didn't give any notice that she was quitting. As in, she worked on Friday then sent a text over the weekend that she wasn't coming in on Monday (or ever again).

Don't call her past references, but feel free to be honest with anyone who calls you for a reference.

Not coming in for one day means she quit?

Maybe her father died from something not socially acceptable like drug overdose and she is ashamed or thinks it would reflect poorly on her? Given your reaction now I can see why someone wouldn't provide you with personal information. Also contacting a former employer to complain can only cause you many more problems. Take your energy and find a new nanny.

I wouldn't call her references, that's just odd. If she asks you to be a reference, you can make it clear to her that you will have to tell anyone that calls about the way she left.

As for care.com, I personally probably wouldn't post a review out of sympathy for the rough family stuff she's going through. But I don't think you'd be out of line for posting a calm review, respectfully outlining her unexpected departure. If you liked her up until this point and thought she was great with the kids, then I think it's only fair to include that in the review as well.

If a family hired me am had a vacation planned the next month, I'd be happy to go as long as it didn't conflict with anything I had previously planned. I don't think it's as weird as you think it will be. I'd probably be extra helpful given your recent bad experience. I don't tell my work family all of the problems in my biological family because I have more boundaries than that so it's not that surprisingyou don't know a lot of her private business. A person can be struggling in the inside but still be trying to fulfill their obligation on the outside.

Wait. You say in your title she quit. Yet you say in the body she just said she couldn't come in on Monday. Which is it?

The other references will think you have lost your mind. This isn't a normal practice and they will not take you seriously.
My mother has very serious health issues. I have never told my employers about it because they really don't need to know about it. It sounds like she is having a rough time right now. Let her go, find a new nanny and move on.

I agree w/ the PP. Do not call prior references.

This sucks, but it's done now. You need to focus your energy on finding a replacement - not on causing her harm. It doesn't really matter whether she was telling you the truth or not. She will be left having to deal with the ramifications of how she handled this (especially if she ever uses you for a reference). But you have more important problems.

It might be that there is an agency that could help you out wherever you're going on the trip? Or maybe even that you could get someone to start soon enough that bringing them next month could be an option. Or maybe there's a family friend or grandparent who would enjoy taking the trip with you?

Seriously? It sucks, but no, you should not call her references and tell them she left you in a bind.

What do you expect them to say when they are contacted by a potential employer of the nanny's for a reference? "Well, so and so told me that she..."

No. They will give a reference based on their experience only, as they should.

I'm sorry for the situation you are in, though. I know how stressful it is. You would be better off funneling your energy toward finding a new nanny than trying to find ways to screw your former nanny back.

Our nanny of 8 months quit on us this past weekend and we are wondering if we should call her references or leave a bad review on care.com for her. Her father died last October and we gave her a week off. When she came back she seemed completely fine. We even considered the possibility that she was lying about the death of her father to get time off. She didn't even volunteer the cause of his death after he supposedly died, she just said he had been sick for a while. She had NEVER mentioned any kind of sickness before, granted she never mentioned her father before. She did talk about her other family members though all the time.

Fast forward to this past weekend, we get a text from her saying that since her father's death she has been having a really hard time and needs to take some time to take care of herself and that she wasn't going to be in yesterday. Now we are scrambling to find backup care. We also have a trip planned for next month that she had agreed to come with us on. Now what are we going to do? Half the activities we had planned are not child friendly. I don't think I feel comfortable bringing someone we barely know. Do your think I should call her references and let them know how she left us in a bind?