Anonymous
01/14/2014 15:33
Subject: How do you reestablish boundaries with your employers?
Anonymous wrote:OP, do you leave a daily log of what you do all day? If you don't, you could start and that could cut down on some of the chitchat after work. I've kept one and my boss would read it and if she had questions, would ask me about it the next morning.
OP here. Yes, I use a logging app that they babysit all day, but they still come in at the end of the day wanting a rundown and asking a million questions. I almost feel like the log feeds the behavior of wanting to know every minute detail of the day. Their DD is a year old now, maybe its time to end the log?
Anonymous
01/14/2014 14:26
Subject: How do you reestablish boundaries with your employers?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'll be honest. I consider it part of my nanny's job to empty the diaper genie, and it's in our contract.
Its your nanny's duty when she's THERE. You're still a parent when she's not. Do you also leave your kid in the same diaper Friday night thru Monday morning, because that's also nanny's job?
+1 this stuff drives me crazy. Yes I do what I can but when I'm not at work I can't do it. Sometimes I have 4 days off in a row.
Anonymous
01/14/2014 13:19
Subject: How do you reestablish boundaries with your employers?
OP, do you leave a daily log of what you do all day? If you don't, you could start and that could cut down on some of the chitchat after work. I've kept one and my boss would read it and if she had questions, would ask me about it the next morning.
Anonymous
01/14/2014 11:10
Subject: How do you reestablish boundaries with your employers?
Anonymous wrote:When I get to work in the morning it usually looks like a bomb went off especially on Mondays. In my contract it says light cleaning and to keep the children's areas clean. Well the children go everywhere so I clean everywhere. I get to work daily and the dishes from last nights dinner are still on the table. Food is everywhere. Clothes that are supposed to be in drawers are on the floor. I clean it everyday. Yes it sucks, it usually takes me about 2 hrs everyday to clean but they will never change. My thoughts are if I don't do it they will find some other nanny who will.
That's one less shitty job I have to sift through. Thank you for that PP.
Anonymous
01/14/2014 11:07
Subject: How do you reestablish boundaries with your employers?
Anonymous wrote:I'll be honest. I consider it part of my nanny's job to empty the diaper genie, and it's in our contract.
Its your nanny's duty when she's THERE. You're still a parent when she's not. Do you also leave your kid in the same diaper Friday night thru Monday morning, because that's also nanny's job?
Anonymous
01/14/2014 11:02
Subject: How do you reestablish boundaries with your employers?
When I get to work in the morning it usually looks like a bomb went off especially on Mondays. In my contract it says light cleaning and to keep the children's areas clean. Well the children go everywhere so I clean everywhere. I get to work daily and the dishes from last nights dinner are still on the table. Food is everywhere. Clothes that are supposed to be in drawers are on the floor. I clean it everyday. Yes it sucks, it usually takes me about 2 hrs everyday to clean but they will never change. My thoughts are if I don't do it they will find some other nanny who will.
Anonymous
01/14/2014 10:51
Subject: How do you reestablish boundaries with your employers?
Anonymous wrote:I'll be honest. I consider it part of my nanny's job to empty the diaper genie, and it's in our contract.
It might be your nanny's responsibility but she said she was off a few days last week. When she came back, it was overflowing with dirty diapers. When your nanny is off, emptying the diaper genie becomes your responsibility.
Leaving laundry, dishes or dirty diapers from your "on" hours for the nanny to clean up is rude and inconsiderate.
Anonymous
01/14/2014 10:31
Subject: How do you reestablish boundaries with your employers?
I'll be honest. I consider it part of my nanny's job to empty the diaper genie, and it's in our contract.
Anonymous
01/14/2014 10:19
Subject: How do you reestablish boundaries with your employers?
Anonymous wrote:I was in a similar position twice. The first one was with last minute cancellations and 'oh so sorry forgot to ask you if you could do tomorrow night' and once I got pissed off enough, I sent a short and polite email to the mom saying that while I love her children and am always happy to babysit for them, the last-minuteness of booking my time and cancelling is preventing me from earning enough, as I rely on the extra income from babysitting, and that I was unhappy with the situation. The next time I saw her the mom was very apologetic and said she did not fully realise the implications and merely saw it as me having a free night, but that she'd be better about letting me know in advance from now on. Which she has done, and this has not impacted out close friendly relationship in any negative way at all.
The second time was with constant mess and letting the kids run wild on the weekends and then expecting me to crack down on them during the week. A lot of it went to the fact that the mom worked insane hours and sometimes only saw the kids in the mornings and two or three nights a week right before bedtime, so she didn't want to spend the precious weekend time she had with them arguing. Which I understand, so we had a family conference with the kids (they were 8 and 11), parents and me, and we established rules that we all had to follow in regards to making messes, which was helpful for a few months. Thankfully they had a cleaner though! I got a bit of what I wanted and it wasn't awkward to speak to them.
I've always helped with the kids' parties as well, for free and for a long time, too, but I was always profusely thanked afterwards. Boo to your bosses.
In both cases I had very friendly relationships with the families and we had very open lines of communication, which helped enormously.
OP here. Thanks so much for this! Its nice to know that it can be done without hurt feelings. I would generally feel comfortable discussing any big issues with them, but these all seemed kind of petty, but added up together had me feeling pretty crappy yesterday. I try hard to be an above and beyond kind of nanny, and I think I just need to scale it back some. I won't be volunteering my time any more, that's for sure! Thanks! And thanks for the other responses as well!
Anonymous
01/14/2014 10:14
Subject: How do you reestablish boundaries with your employers?
Anonymous wrote:Is this a one time deal, or are they always like this? If it is the only time you came in and it was a mess, let it go.
The free babysitting, you did not set an hour cap on it, and as a parent, I would probably try to go for as many hours as I could for free
The help with the party, don't do it anymore. After I had a mom do a similar thing, I stopped coming early to help.
If you are uncomfortable if the nature of your relationship with your employers, don't hang out after work to chat. Just let them know you need to go. Be friendly about it, but do it.
OP here. It has never been this bad, or all at once, but yesterday kind of made me realize that a lot of these small things happen all the time, and I just didn't notice or care until it piled on. I leave late pretty often, they rarely empty the diaper genie themselves but I was out for a few days last week, and on Monday the thing was exploding at the gills and had diapers on top. As for the free babysitting, they have always booked me for a 3 hour date night, so I gave the free date night expecting it to be around the same amount of time. When the mom tried to book me for 8 hours, then asked to use the gift, I was floored. When I asked to cap it, she suddenly only needed 4 hours anyway. Maybe some people would try to milk someone's generosity like that, but I wouldn't, and I really didn't expect it from them. I am going to try to be better about leaving at my end time, but they are talkers and I feel rude putting on my coat while she's still talking and asking questions.
Anonymous
01/14/2014 10:11
Subject: How do you reestablish boundaries with your employers?
I was in a similar position twice. The first one was with last minute cancellations and 'oh so sorry forgot to ask you if you could do tomorrow night' and once I got pissed off enough, I sent a short and polite email to the mom saying that while I love her children and am always happy to babysit for them, the last-minuteness of booking my time and cancelling is preventing me from earning enough, as I rely on the extra income from babysitting, and that I was unhappy with the situation. The next time I saw her the mom was very apologetic and said she did not fully realise the implications and merely saw it as me having a free night, but that she'd be better about letting me know in advance from now on. Which she has done, and this has not impacted out close friendly relationship in any negative way at all.
The second time was with constant mess and letting the kids run wild on the weekends and then expecting me to crack down on them during the week. A lot of it went to the fact that the mom worked insane hours and sometimes only saw the kids in the mornings and two or three nights a week right before bedtime, so she didn't want to spend the precious weekend time she had with them arguing. Which I understand, so we had a family conference with the kids (they were 8 and 11), parents and me, and we established rules that we all had to follow in regards to making messes, which was helpful for a few months. Thankfully they had a cleaner though! I got a bit of what I wanted and it wasn't awkward to speak to them.
I've always helped with the kids' parties as well, for free and for a long time, too, but I was always profusely thanked afterwards. Boo to your bosses.
In both cases I had very friendly relationships with the families and we had very open lines of communication, which helped enormously.
The second time was with constant mess and letting the kids run wild on the weekends and then expecting me to crack down on them during the week. A lot of it went to the fact that the mom worked insane hours and sometimes only saw the kids in the mornings and two or three nights a week right before bedtime, so she didn't want to spend the precious weekend time she had with them arguing. Which I understand, so we had a family conference with the kids (they were 8 and 11), parents and me, and we established rules that we all had to follow in regards to making messes, which was helpful for a few months. Thankfully they had a cleaner though! I got a bit of what I wanted and it wasn't awkward to speak to them.
I've always helped with the kids' parties as well, for free and for a long time, too, but I was always profusely thanked afterwards. Boo to your bosses.
In both cases I had very friendly relationships with the families and we had very open lines of communication, which helped enormously.
Anonymous
01/14/2014 09:58
Subject: How do you reestablish boundaries with your employers?
Anonymous wrote:Is this a one time deal, or are they always like this? If it is the only time you came in and it was a mess, let it go.
The free babysitting, you did not set an hour cap on it, and as a parent, I would probably try to go for as many hours as I could for free
The help with the party, don't do it anymore. After I had a mom do a similar thing, I stopped coming early to help.
If you are uncomfortable if the nature of your relationship with your employers, don't hang out after work to chat. Just let them know you need to go. Be friendly about it, but do it.
The free babysitting is ridiculous. They are clearly taken advantage of her and know better. If you would take 8 hour of free babysitting (over 100.00 gift) then that says something about you.
Anonymous
01/14/2014 09:57
Subject: How do you reestablish boundaries with your employers?
Anonymous wrote:Let me start off by saying, I love my job and my employers are generally great. I've been with them for just about a year, and they are kind and considerate bosses when it comes to most things. Because everything has been so easy, we have a very positive friendly relationship, but it is getting to a point that makes me uncomfortable.
I came back from the weekend, which I spent baking cupcakes and helping work their child's birthday party for free and without thanks, to an overflowing diaper genie, baby dishes everywhere, playroom a disaster, etc. They kept me 20 minutes after my end time because they get home right at my end time and proceed to chat about the day for 15-20 minutes daily. And to cap it all off, they asked if they could use the free date night I gave them for Christmas for an 8 hour evening!! They have NEVER booked me to babysit for more than 3 hours. I didn't put an hour cap on the gift because I truly didn't think they'd try to take advantage of me like that. At my hourly babysitting rate, 8 hours would equate to a $100+ dollar gift!!! I agreed to give them 4 free hours, and suddenly that's all they need.
Yesterday really left a bad taste in my mouth and I want to nip some of these behaviors in the bud. My question is, how can I reestablish some professional boundaries without it seeming petty? Has anyone successfully reset expectations and gotten your bosses to respect you and your time again?
They are taking advantage of you. I thought I had a great relationship until my mom pointed out that they were taking advantage of me. Using 8 hours of babysitting for free is ridiculous and don't fool yourself that they don't know what they are doing. They know exactly what they are doing. Try talking to them but be prepared to leave because some will not change their ways. Good luck.
Anonymous
01/14/2014 09:54
Subject: How do you reestablish boundaries with your employers?
Is this a one time deal, or are they always like this? If it is the only time you came in and it was a mess, let it go.
The free babysitting, you did not set an hour cap on it, and as a parent, I would probably try to go for as many hours as I could for free
The help with the party, don't do it anymore. After I had a mom do a similar thing, I stopped coming early to help.
If you are uncomfortable if the nature of your relationship with your employers, don't hang out after work to chat. Just let them know you need to go. Be friendly about it, but do it.
The free babysitting, you did not set an hour cap on it, and as a parent, I would probably try to go for as many hours as I could for free
The help with the party, don't do it anymore. After I had a mom do a similar thing, I stopped coming early to help.
If you are uncomfortable if the nature of your relationship with your employers, don't hang out after work to chat. Just let them know you need to go. Be friendly about it, but do it.
Anonymous
01/14/2014 09:41
Subject: How do you reestablish boundaries with your employers?
Let me start off by saying, I love my job and my employers are generally great. I've been with them for just about a year, and they are kind and considerate bosses when it comes to most things. Because everything has been so easy, we have a very positive friendly relationship, but it is getting to a point that makes me uncomfortable.
I came back from the weekend, which I spent baking cupcakes and helping work their child's birthday party for free and without thanks, to an overflowing diaper genie, baby dishes everywhere, playroom a disaster, etc. They kept me 20 minutes after my end time because they get home right at my end time and proceed to chat about the day for 15-20 minutes daily. And to cap it all off, they asked if they could use the free date night I gave them for Christmas for an 8 hour evening!! They have NEVER booked me to babysit for more than 3 hours. I didn't put an hour cap on the gift because I truly didn't think they'd try to take advantage of me like that. At my hourly babysitting rate, 8 hours would equate to a $100+ dollar gift!!! I agreed to give them 4 free hours, and suddenly that's all they need.
Yesterday really left a bad taste in my mouth and I want to nip some of these behaviors in the bud. My question is, how can I reestablish some professional boundaries without it seeming petty? Has anyone successfully reset expectations and gotten your bosses to respect you and your time again?
I came back from the weekend, which I spent baking cupcakes and helping work their child's birthday party for free and without thanks, to an overflowing diaper genie, baby dishes everywhere, playroom a disaster, etc. They kept me 20 minutes after my end time because they get home right at my end time and proceed to chat about the day for 15-20 minutes daily. And to cap it all off, they asked if they could use the free date night I gave them for Christmas for an 8 hour evening!! They have NEVER booked me to babysit for more than 3 hours. I didn't put an hour cap on the gift because I truly didn't think they'd try to take advantage of me like that. At my hourly babysitting rate, 8 hours would equate to a $100+ dollar gift!!! I agreed to give them 4 free hours, and suddenly that's all they need.
Yesterday really left a bad taste in my mouth and I want to nip some of these behaviors in the bud. My question is, how can I reestablish some professional boundaries without it seeming petty? Has anyone successfully reset expectations and gotten your bosses to respect you and your time again?