I think the real issue has nothing to do with birthdays. You don't feel confident that your nanny is bonding with your second child. That is a problem and should be scrutinized and dealt with without focusing on this birthday thing.

I think you're reading too much into this. She is away so your kids aren't her top priority right now and she probably just forgot.

I really wouldn't worry about it. See what happens over the next year and if you really start seeing a pattern of favoritism then compile several examples of that and talk to her about it. This occasion strikes me as very likely a simple lapse in memory over a holiday break. No big deal (unless you make it one).

Anonymous wrote:You're being extremely petty and unrealistic in your expectations of this nanny.

geez, you seem to have woken up on the wrong side of the bed

You're being extremely petty and unrealistic in your expectations of this nanny.

Anonymous wrote:A one year old does not need gifts. You are being overly dramatic. It is just a job. It is your family, not hers. She can be loving and caring but its a job. It could end any day she or you choose and never see each other again.

I am sorry but you seem to be missing my point. I do not expect gifts from her or to handle celebrations for us as other PPs implied. I am surprised she did not remember her birthday which is out of character for our nanny. She has been with us for nearly 4 years and always said "Happy Birthday" for all of our birthdays. In fact, for my son's birthday she usually makes a big deal of it and discusses what to get him, etc. It's not required or expected. She just does it. I always make sure also we give her a big gift for her birthday too and for all the other occasions. So, I am wondering whether this could be a sign the nanny did not click with my new daughter.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who cares? This is her job. It is not a friendship. Let her enjoy her vacation.

She did not forget to call to ask to buy things for her. She does not treat our relationship as simply a job obviousely

What are you talking about called to ask you to buy things for her? Is she a live-in and she was telling you her grocery list? This is what is strange, and is making you sound troll-ish. Birthday's are your job, so you can't really fault her for that.

The nanny does not drive and what is a small errand for me can end up being a major undertaking for her. She would have to take multiple buses to get to a specific store for example. So, when I go to like ethnic food markets I would pick up specific items for her to save her a long trip

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who cares? This is her job. It is not a friendship. Let her enjoy her vacation.

She did not forget to call to ask to buy things for her. She does not treat our relationship as simply a job obviousely

What are you talking about called to ask you to buy things for her? Is she a live-in and she was telling you her grocery list? This is what is strange, and is making you sound troll-ish. Birthday's are your job, so you can't really fault her for that.

A one year old does not need gifts. You are being overly dramatic. It is just a job. It is your family, not hers. She can be loving and caring but its a job. It could end any day she or you choose and never see each other again.

Anonymous wrote:Who cares? This is her job. It is not a friendship. Let her enjoy her vacation.

She did not forget to call to ask to buy things for her. She does not treat our relationship as simply a job obviousely

Anonymous wrote:Birthday celebrations are your job, not the nanny's.

I am not expecting her to celebrate it. However when she calls me on my daughter's b-day asking to find some products on the internet for her and buy them I would expect something like "Happy Birthday to ....." Is not that just polite? I would say that to my coworkers, relatives, friends, etc More importantly she always calls or brings cards for our birthdays and my first child's so this is our of character for her

Birthday celebrations are your job, not the nanny's.

Who cares? This is her job. It is not a friendship. Let her enjoy her vacation.

By how much did you increase her hourly rate, with the addition of a new baby?

That seems passive aggressive of her.

We have to kids and our youngest just turned one. The nanny always acknowledged our birthdays and would bring a present for the older child's birthday. My daughter turned one a couple of days ago. The nanny called to ask me to buy a couple of things for her (she is on vacation now) on my daughter's birthday day and did not say a thing then or afterwards. I know that the nanny was not very happy when the second child came along and I do notice that the second child is treated differently (less love and attention) than the first one. May be it is because there is way more work now with two. Should I be concerned and treat the birthday incident as a sign of something bigger?