Anonymous wrote:You are matching with the wrong girls.

You need to change your match criteria and find better au pairs.

I have had three years of good au pairs. Each year is better...and I am close to matching with my fourth.

I'm the OP. We had a great first year, a terrible second year, and now this terrible third experience. What are your tips? Clearly I need help. I interview extensively, ask tons of questions, make sure to tell the good and the bad, etc. Not sure what I've done wrong.

You are matching with the wrong girls.

You need to change your match criteria and find better au pairs.

I have had three years of good au pairs. Each year is better...and I am close to matching with my fourth.

"Seriously, if I were in your shoes, I'd find who I wanted, then just get creative. Ask her what she needs, in order to consider your job. It could be a combination of a certain hourly rate, plus certain perks that she would find attractive. Everyone is different, so it's silly paint yourself in a box if you can be flexible."

My sister did this. She interviewed FT nannies and asked them what they wanted in terms of take-home pay for the week, rather than hours. She then offered $25/hr and has a nanny who works 25 hours most weeks but 40 on some. Her nanny is a star. Seriously. I always say that you know where this nanny is because you see a shining halo in the distance

I did not have any luck with this, unfortunately. For the two years that we left the AP program, we paid $25/half an hour for someone to come and drive our son to school. The $25 just wasn't worth it to anyone to do it consistently and we had so much trouble finding someone who would do it reliably. We ended up going back to the AP program and here we are today. My sister doesn't need morning help most days, so I think this is why the nanny was willing to work these fewer hours and to be flexible. We need 7-7:30 every single day, because I can't drive the two children in different directions, so we rely on an AP to help with this (and then work after-school hours, for a total of about 27/hrs a week).

Just another reality check here for the PP - finding a nanny/sitter willing to work the before/after shifts is EXTREMELY difficult, and I say this as both a parent and the former admin assistant at a sitter agency. We got constant before after requests and they were impossible to fill. Very few people want to work those hours. Thus we are in a similar situation to yours - we have an au pair not because it's cheaper (anyone who says it's cheaper hasn't ever had one) but because we need the flexibility of before/after care.

Hang in there - our first match was a quick rematch, but our second one is working out fabulously. I wish she could stay forever, honestly. One thing we changed was to be very strict in the rules we set forth while we were matching - we have a "no cell phone on the job" rule. If you start out really strict you can always loosen up after a level of trust is established. That particular rule weeded out alot of the potential matches. We also got stricter about keeping to our requirements. There are alot of sweet girls looking to match, so we had to really stay firm on what we wanted and not just match for convenience. My husband picked our second one, and he had a firm list that he was unwilling to compromise on.

I wish I had something more to offer - there have been times that the au pair program seems like more trouble than it's worth, but I hear horror stories about the after-school programs. There are pros and cons to every option out there.

Anonymous wrote:OP- do you have an LCC who you like? When I was in rematch I worked with mine who was really helpful in finding a new one who was a lot better. I also spent a lot of time on the phone with the match coordinator who was great at telling me the full story with each girl.

After a disappointing match, we are very happily matched with someone who will most likely stay 2 years.

We have an excellent LCC and she is working hard to find me someone good. I didn't know I could talk to the match coordinator still too or that she would have additional details. Thanks!

OP- do you have an LCC who you like? When I was in rematch I worked with mine who was really helpful in finding a new one who was a lot better. I also spent a lot of time on the phone with the match coordinator who was great at telling me the full story with each girl.

After a disappointing match, we are very happily matched with someone who will most likely stay 2 years.

OP here. Ok sorry, I thought you meant it as a "you get what you pay for" dig. Sure an au pair is cheaper than a full-time professional nanny, but it's about the same cost as a nanny for the hours we need. We went au pair for the schedule flexibility, not for the cost savings.

I like your suggestions and think that might be a good solution for us. If we did 20 hours at $20 an hour, it would be about the same cost as an au pair, but without the headache of living with someone. I'd just have to figure out what else we could offer. We might be a good fit for a student because we have some flexibility with our schedule. Thanks for the suggestions!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wish I could say yes, but I'm about to give up as well. I think an au pair would be great for a stay at home parent who needed extra hands, but as a busy working parent I have found the level of hand-holding that is necessary and the sub-par nature of the care to just be overwhelming. I think I have lost more hours at work since hiring an au pair, and not the other way around. So I'm pretty close to throwing in the towel too.

Oh Yeah this is pretty much exactly what we experienced with our second au pair last year. Much more expensive and time-consuming than I thought it would be and basically involved her keeping the kids alive while she played on her iPhone all day (mostly because she was too tired to engage having been out partying every night). Her replacement just told me she's too homesick and her parents and boyfriend are pressuring her to come home after only 3 weeks with us, so she's leaving this weekend.

No good stories? I really need care for just 20 hours a week. Seems like there are no good options

Well, at least not "affordable" options. You need someone who doesn't need to financially support herself, like a teen still living with her parents.

I think you meant this as a dig? I did actually try to find a nanny/sitter who would work the split schedule we needed and offered $20/hour. But obviously someone that needs to support herself on that can't accept a part-time gig, and I didn't find anyone I was interested in. Seriously, I'm happy to pay for an option that works. If you have any suggestions, I'm open to them.

No, not a dig, but a reality check.

Seriously, if I were in your shoes, I'd find who I wanted, then just get creative. Ask her what she needs, in order to consider your job. It could be a combination of a certain hourly rate, plus certain perks that she would find attractive. Everyone is different, so it's silly paint yourself in a box if you can be flexible.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wish I could say yes, but I'm about to give up as well. I think an au pair would be great for a stay at home parent who needed extra hands, but as a busy working parent I have found the level of hand-holding that is necessary and the sub-par nature of the care to just be overwhelming. I think I have lost more hours at work since hiring an au pair, and not the other way around. So I'm pretty close to throwing in the towel too.

Oh Yeah this is pretty much exactly what we experienced with our second au pair last year. Much more expensive and time-consuming than I thought it would be and basically involved her keeping the kids alive while she played on her iPhone all day (mostly because she was too tired to engage having been out partying every night). Her replacement just told me she's too homesick and her parents and boyfriend are pressuring her to come home after only 3 weeks with us, so she's leaving this weekend.

No good stories? I really need care for just 20 hours a week. Seems like there are no good options

Well, at least not "affordable" options. You need someone who doesn't need to financially support herself, like a teen still living with her parents.

I think you meant this as a dig? I did actually try to find a nanny/sitter who would work the split schedule we needed and offered $20/hour. But obviously someone that needs to support herself on that can't accept a part-time gig, and I didn't find anyone I was interested in. Seriously, I'm happy to pay for an option that works. If you have any suggestions, I'm open to them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wish I could say yes, but I'm about to give up as well. I think an au pair would be great for a stay at home parent who needed extra hands, but as a busy working parent I have found the level of hand-holding that is necessary and the sub-par nature of the care to just be overwhelming. I think I have lost more hours at work since hiring an au pair, and not the other way around. So I'm pretty close to throwing in the towel too.

Oh Yeah this is pretty much exactly what we experienced with our second au pair last year. Much more expensive and time-consuming than I thought it would be and basically involved her keeping the kids alive while she played on her iPhone all day (mostly because she was too tired to engage having been out partying every night). Her replacement just told me she's too homesick and her parents and boyfriend are pressuring her to come home after only 3 weeks with us, so she's leaving this weekend.

No good stories? I really need care for just 20 hours a week. Seems like there are no good options

Well, at least not "affordable" options. You need someone who doesn't need to financially support herself, like a teen still living with her parents.

Anonymous wrote:Wish I could say yes, but I'm about to give up as well. I think an au pair would be great for a stay at home parent who needed extra hands, but as a busy working parent I have found the level of hand-holding that is necessary and the sub-par nature of the care to just be overwhelming. I think I have lost more hours at work since hiring an au pair, and not the other way around. So I'm pretty close to throwing in the towel too.

Oh Yeah this is pretty much exactly what we experienced with our second au pair last year. Much more expensive and time-consuming than I thought it would be and basically involved her keeping the kids alive while she played on her iPhone all day (mostly because she was too tired to engage having been out partying every night). Her replacement just told me she's too homesick and her parents and boyfriend are pressuring her to come home after only 3 weeks with us, so she's leaving this weekend.

No good stories? I really need care for just 20 hours a week. Seems like there are no good options

Wish I could say yes, but I'm about to give up as well. I think an au pair would be great for a stay at home parent who needed extra hands, but as a busy working parent I have found the level of hand-holding that is necessary and the sub-par nature of the care to just be overwhelming. I think I have lost more hours at work since hiring an au pair, and not the other way around. So I'm pretty close to throwing in the towel too.

Anonymous wrote:Before and aftercare is usually pretty horrific to, from what I've seen firsthand. It's usually pandemonium or forced quiet time, or tv/movies. Not what you call quality care.

Why do you need before AND aftercare? Are you a single parent?

No, but elementary school is 9:15 to 3:30. We could stagger our start/end times, but neither of us can get in by 10 or leave by 2:45...

Before and aftercare is usually pretty horrific to, from what I've seen firsthand. It's usually pandemonium or forced quiet time, or tv/movies. Not what you call quality care.

Why do you need before AND aftercare? Are you a single parent?

Title says it all. I'm on the verge of giving up and going back to the much cheaper and less stressful before/after care. I hated the kids being out of the house so long with that option, but after two terrible experiences with the au pair program, I'm not sure whether to keep going with it. Does anyone have a good experience they can share?