OP here - just to clarify, we don't begrudge her the 10 days she took already. We agrees to those when we hired her. I'm just concerned that she going to be upset when we don't offer pay for her time off - despite it sounding reasonable to all of you, I am pretty sure it will not see reasonable to her. But perhaps, as one pp put it, that could be a sign of a bad fit.

You've been very generous already. If you want to be even more generous, you can hold her job for her while she travels to the funeral. You are absolutely not required to give her paid time off though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:16:23 is getting coal in her stocking. What a heartless B you sound like.

OP, it sounds like your PTO arrangement is fair (since you knew about her trip before hiring her) and letting her know that additional time off will be unpaid is perfectly reasonable. Please don't cap it at 5 days, though, as foreign travel can easily eat up 2-4 days round trip and if THREE aunts are dying it's perfectly natural she will want to be home to support her parents through their loss. Use the money you'd otherwise be paying her to hire a temp nanny and let her fulfill her family obligations; I'm sure she will reciprocate with flexibility and gratitude if she's a normal person.

Well i don't believe in santa and my family doesn't waste money on crap like coal. I used five day cap as an example, there is no reason for their NEW nanny to expect to be given unlimited unpaid days off no matter what the situation is. Families need a stable caregiver for their family and finding last minute help is difficult plus more expensive. She doesn't know when her relatives are going to die, so they can't plan ahead and arrange childcare now. While I believe in being considerate, there is a limit before it negatively affects you. For all they know she could lie in the future just so she can go on vacation (and lets not pretend that doesn't happen). She hasn't proven herself yet to be a reliable trustworthy nanny, that takes time and she's only been with them five months. If this was someone they have been working with for over a year then my advice would be similar to yours but she hasn't. by the way i'm a nanny.

Obviously you're a nanny... just a young, dumb one.

I like to think of myself as young in my late 20s but I wouldn't consider myself dumb, quite the opposite actually. I'm being realistic here, this profession allows some flexibility depending on the agreement the nanny has with their employer but it is a service position. Our service is vital to our employers maintaining their positions for which they pay us. Depending on this particular employer's career a nanny requesting 3-4 weeks of time off with little notice can be very problematic. I'm all for providing support and being understanding during such a terrible time in someone's life but when do you draw the line? Last minute care is expensive, finding last minute care is time consuming and what if your employer can't find care and doesn't have that much vacation time? They are left in a tight spot. Sure, it's not techniquely your problem but you also need to be considerate if you want to keep your job. Nannies are easily replaceable, whether we like to believe it or not. We are at will employees and are not protected by the same laws as others. If we can't provide the service we are hired for then we will likely be replaced.

Does this employee deserve to be replaced because of unexpected deaths in the family, absolutely not. But any employer who relies on their employee to help them maintain their own position has the right to set some expectations about personal leave. While I agree a five day cap isn't plausible for this situation, it was just my example of amount time to cap off. This isn't like the nanny can just drive a few hours or fly a couple states over to attend these funerals, she has to leave the country each time for possibly a week. I understand this; however, there still needs to be some type of formal agreement about it because there are employees who would abuse it. And seeing as this employee is brand new, already used all her vacation time and will most likely need three more weeks, I wouldn't risk the possibility of her taking advantage in the future.

Nannies and families need to see this from a business prospective not just personal. It's one of the biggest reasons many of us get taken advantage of.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:16:23 is getting coal in her stocking. What a heartless B you sound like.

OP, it sounds like your PTO arrangement is fair (since you knew about her trip before hiring her) and letting her know that additional time off will be unpaid is perfectly reasonable. Please don't cap it at 5 days, though, as foreign travel can easily eat up 2-4 days round trip and if THREE aunts are dying it's perfectly natural she will want to be home to support her parents through their loss. Use the money you'd otherwise be paying her to hire a temp nanny and let her fulfill her family obligations; I'm sure she will reciprocate with flexibility and gratitude if she's a normal person.

Well i don't believe in santa and my family doesn't waste money on crap like coal. I used five day cap as an example, there is no reason for their NEW nanny to expect to be given unlimited unpaid days off no matter what the situation is. Families need a stable caregiver for their family and finding last minute help is difficult plus more expensive. She doesn't know when her relatives are going to die, so they can't plan ahead and arrange childcare now. While I believe in being considerate, there is a limit before it negatively affects you. For all they know she could lie in the future just so she can go on vacation (and lets not pretend that doesn't happen). She hasn't proven herself yet to be a reliable trustworthy nanny, that takes time and she's only been with them five months. If this was someone they have been working with for over a year then my advice would be similar to yours but she hasn't. by the way i'm a nanny.

Obviously you're a nanny... just a young, dumb one.

Parents on here, need to understand that international travel Cannot be always capped at 5 days. I had an aunt who died, and we waited, and waited, AND waited for funeral plans. Finally, we were given a date, and one family member was able to go. My brother left from NY on a Tuesday and was back in NY on a Saturday. This was my late dad's sister. He was there in time for the wakekeeping, funeral, and burial, because he then had to travel 6 hours by road, to another place for the burial. Some sensitivity and insight, is required here.

with some jobs I've had, the start dates, were close to pre-planned trips. There was an understanding between the parents and I, that these pre-planned trips, were not applied to my vacation days. I certainly didn't expect to get paid vacation, after 7 weeks of work.

Anonymous wrote:16:23 is getting coal in her stocking. What a heartless B you sound like.

OP, it sounds like your PTO arrangement is fair (since you knew about her trip before hiring her) and letting her know that additional time off will be unpaid is perfectly reasonable. Please don't cap it at 5 days, though, as foreign travel can easily eat up 2-4 days round trip and if THREE aunts are dying it's perfectly natural she will want to be home to support her parents through their loss. Use the money you'd otherwise be paying her to hire a temp nanny and let her fulfill her family obligations; I'm sure she will reciprocate with flexibility and gratitude if she's a normal person.

Well i don't believe in santa and my family doesn't waste money on crap like coal. I used five day cap as an example, there is no reason for their NEW nanny to expect to be given unlimited unpaid days off no matter what the situation is. Families need a stable caregiver for their family and finding last minute help is difficult plus more expensive. She doesn't know when her relatives are going to die, so they can't plan ahead and arrange childcare now. While I believe in being considerate, there is a limit before it negatively affects you. For all they know she could lie in the future just so she can go on vacation (and lets not pretend that doesn't happen). She hasn't proven herself yet to be a reliable trustworthy nanny, that takes time and she's only been with them five months. If this was someone they have been working with for over a year then my advice would be similar to yours but she hasn't. by the way i'm a nanny.

16:23 is getting coal in her stocking. What a heartless B you sound like.

OP, it sounds like your PTO arrangement is fair (since you knew about her trip before hiring her) and letting her know that additional time off will be unpaid is perfectly reasonable. Please don't cap it at 5 days, though, as foreign travel can easily eat up 2-4 days round trip and if THREE aunts are dying it's perfectly natural she will want to be home to support her parents through their loss. Use the money you'd otherwise be paying her to hire a temp nanny and let her fulfill her family obligations; I'm sure she will reciprocate with flexibility and gratitude if she's a normal person.

Well if you knew about the vacation prior to hiring her then you can't be upset about her using it. I would tell her now that any other time off requested will be unpaid and have a time cap of five days. You shouldn't have to worry about finding childcare for multiple weeks because she has a bunch of dead relatives in other countries. I'd only be lenient if it was an immediate family member like mom, brother etc.

I'd give any further time off unpaid, and only if you really really like her.she doesn't sound like a very reliable employee.

OP here -- thank you. She took the full 10 days because she had a trip planned prior to us hiring her. Next calendar year she gets 5 at her choosing and 5 at ours.

Appreciate the input. Hopefully her aunts pull through!

I assume she has taken those days off because she has them. I too take my paid vacation days rather than lose them. I think most people take their vacation days.

However if she has used them, they are gone. She has 2 days left and I would not even give unlimited unpaid leave. three aunts dying at 3 different times in distant countries could be a lot of time off.

OP, do you mean that your nanny has been out for 11 days since she started with you in August?

That would be untenable for me unless she had planned vacation in advance of taking the job, or had gotten ill, etc... I would have set the vacation up as her annual vacation leave, within the given year starting when she accepted the position - not the calendar year. It's not uncommon in the corporate world to have a policy where you can't take vacation leave at all until after the probationary period has passed (barring extenuating circumstances of course). But, that's a moot point.

Are you pleased with her performance thus far? It's hard to find a great nanny who is a great fit for the parents as well as the kids - so if you have found someone like that, then I think it's worth being as considerate as possible.

If not, then I think it's time for a very frank conversation with her on her performance thus far, her satisfaction in the job, your expectations and limitations around leave time (paid or unpaid), etc...

On just this little bit of info my hunch is that this is not going to be a long-term employee. Sorry.

Anonymous wrote:I think you are bring fair.

Sorry, being fair. If she takes more time off, stick to your agreement.

I think you are bring fair.

Here's our situation -- our nanny started working for us in August. We gave her the full 10 days off per year (rather than pro-rate from her start date), as well as normal holidays and 3 sick days. She has now used all 10 vacation days and 1 sick day.

Yesterday she told my husband (in a hinting sort of way, we think) that three of her aunts are close to dying. They all live in another country.

What is the right thing to do here? We cannot afford to pay her for more time off (we'd have to hire a sitter while she was gone) particularly if it involves international travel AND all three aunts dying at different times. I'm inclined to let her use her 2 remaining sick days and the rest unpaid. What do you all think?