Anonymous wrote:OP here: Thanks for all the feedback. I do not want to over react about the situation and am trying to focus on the good aspects of the relationship, but the lack of help on basic chores (not heavy cleaning, we have a housecleaner) is wearing on us. Kids are aged 3, 7 and 8. Two in school that are not in the mix until late in the day after their activities. They mostly appear before dinner and have homework to do. So really its the little guy that she has solo for the majority of the day when he is not in preschool. She starts from his pick up after his morning program and works for the rest of the day. There is no napping but my youngest does play well by himself.

Regardless of how busy she is, she should not be leaving her mess from her day with her kids behind her, and she should certainly not be grumpy that you would ask her to at least clean up after herself and the kids during their day. She's just being lazy, OP. Sorry

OP here: Thanks for all the feedback. I do not want to over react about the situation and am trying to focus on the good aspects of the relationship, but the lack of help on basic chores (not heavy cleaning, we have a housecleaner) is wearing on us. Kids are aged 3, 7 and 8. Two in school that are not in the mix until late in the day after their activities. They mostly appear before dinner and have homework to do. So really its the little guy that she has solo for the majority of the day when he is not in preschool. She starts from his pick up after his morning program and works for the rest of the day. There is no napping but my youngest does play well by himself.

Time to move on, OP. You are not asking too much.

You made a bad hire. She will not get better. The grumpiness is her passively trying to get out of her duties. Sorry but you will need to let her go.

Kid related housekeeping is definitely a standard part of a nanny's job. Your nanny is lazy, OP.

It doesn't sound like OP is trying to squeeze every last bit of work out of her at all. She says she's trying to get "kids dishes, kids laundry, tidy toys and kids bedrooms." So basic cleaning up after yourself during the day stuff, plus throwing in a load of laundry.

I agree with you that I want my nanny to care for my kid and to be happy and energetic, but I would be miserable if that meant that I came home every day to all their dishes from the day piled up on the sink and toys everywhere.

Even if you have young kids, it shouldn't be that difficult to maintain some order during the day. Throw the dishes in the dishwasher immediately after you eat, pick up toys before you get something else out, throw a load of laundry in for 2 minutes while the kid is playing next to you. Not that hard, and I don't think that distracts from child care hardly a bit.

Now I can't see asking for heavy housekeeping that has nothing to do with the kids, unless you're building that into the contract and compensation (and allowing time for it). That's not even close to what OP is asking about.

How old are your kids? I think expecting kid dishes and light cleanup is ok. But kid laundry if you including foldin and outting away, and heavy cleaning (making beds etc) would mean that she has to ignore your kids to do housework. Is that what you want? Personally, my philosophy is that I pay my nanny to care for my kid, not do housework. She does do dishes usually during naps, but I am perfectly ok with her taking a break during naptime. I want her to be happy and energetic with the kids - my goal is NOT to squeeze every last bit of work out of her.

Anonymous wrote:Ages of the three children? Is she having trouble keeping up with them?

I am hard pressed to think of any scenario in which a nanny would have absolutely NO time during the day to clean up/do a few light chores. Kids nap, have independent play, are otherwise occupied many times throughout the day. If this is not built in, that may be her issue, but "having trouble keeping up" is a pretty weak explanation. If she can't keep up with three kids and be organized enough to keep up with housework, nannying is the wrong career for her.

Ages of the three children? Is she having trouble keeping up with them?

As a nanny, I assume kid related chores to be my responsibility. Kid dishes, kid toys, kid laundry.

Anonymous wrote:What do you want us to say, OP? Did you want us to speculate on what your nanny was thinking, or are you assuming we're all the same and thus want us to answer "And why not be upfront in the interview that your are actually not willing to do these tasks?" for ourselves?

Either way, I'm not impressed with you.

Similarly, I am not impressed with your nanny. Now you haven't said if you have 5 kids under the age of 6 and this expectation of housework is outrageously unreasonable but assuming that's not the case, give her a formal warning, then if things don't improve fire her and hire a nanny who'll do her job.

she did in fact say she has three boys. And it would seem she is asking if if asking for housework to be done is normal. Based on some of the complaints that circle on this board I am not surprized the issue has come up, and keeps coming up.

What do you want us to say, OP? Did you want us to speculate on what your nanny was thinking, or are you assuming we're all the same and thus want us to answer "And why not be upfront in the interview that your are actually not willing to do these tasks?" for ourselves?

Either way, I'm not impressed with you.

Similarly, I am not impressed with your nanny. Now you haven't said if you have 5 kids under the age of 6 and this expectation of housework is outrageously unreasonable but assuming that's not the case, give her a formal warning, then if things don't improve fire her and hire a nanny who'll do her job.

You are not asking anything out of the ordinary and quite frankly, your nanny should not need to be asked to do these things. Kid related housework is part of the job. Period. I usually hate the term "babysitter" as a diminutive, but in your case, this is what you have. Whomever you have hired, thinks that she can play with your boys all day and that will be sufficient (and I am sure if you brought up the housework she will give you some line of B.S. about how her first priority is to the care of your children). I would remind her ONCE that her job duties also consist of dishes, laundry etc. and give it a week to change. If it doesn't, start looking for a replacement.

Having a nanny should make your life easier and, for the most part, that means coming home to a clean house and not having to worry about the 2/3 extra loads of laundry a week.

You are absolutely right to be frustrated (as a nanny who would NEVER need to be asked to wash soiled sheets or dishes, I am frustrated for you) and you were not spoiled previously, you just had a nanny who knew how to do their job.

Lazy.

I see on this forum heated discussions about whether or not light housework related to the kids is part of the nanny role.

I was aware that this is a topic that is raised in this market (DC, MD, VA) and having had a long term nanny that always found a way to help regardless of what was in her contract or specifically asked of her, I felt that it made sense to note specifically in my ad, discuss it at interview and also list specifically the basic child related housework we expected in our nanny contract - kids dishes, kids laundry, tidy toys and kids bedrooms. Our nanny absolutely and cheerfully acknowledged that she always did these things and was happy to do them.

I am now a little surprised to find myself with a nanny who gets grumpy when asked to do these things and resists or avoids these tasks if she can, and has yet to wash a single item of clothing (even when my baby had a diaper leak accident and just left soiled clothes and sheets sitting in the washing machine that I later found) and will leave at the end of the day with a pile of dishes in the sink, food on the floor.

I appreciate that some nannies do not want this in their role but I was very clear this was part of the job with us. While spending time playing with my kids (and making a mess) is more fun for my 3 boys. However, isn't it obvious that it is better for them that they have a little alone play time during the day while some of these other chores get done so that they can get more time playing and reading with their parents when we get home. At the moment my husband and I are a little shocked by the kid related housework we need to deal with every day when we walk in the door!

I would say we have been spoilt in the past but our previous experience was in line with virtually all of our friends with nannies (living in SF). Is light kid related housework a really such a big ask? And why not be upfront in the interview that your are actually not willing to do these tasks?