Anonymous wrote:I'm a nanny, but I think you're being a jerk here. YOU offered to do all these things for free, sending a clear message that you are uncomfortable with compensation/tit-for-tat. The parents probably wracked their brain trying to come up with a gift you would accept, settled on this thinking that since it was related to kids and you supposedly did all of this out of love for their kids that it would be a fitting gift, and you snapped at her.

Figure out what you want. If you want to be like family and do all this out of the goodness of your heart, then do it, but don't be passive aggressive and rude because they didn't guess the right way to thank you. If what you really want is to be paid like a normal employee, then don't offer to work for free.

OP here.
Like another poster said, I made myself a doormat, that's for sure and my husband says I should change. He's right!

Anyways, I NEVER offered to carry any of the babies I'm in charge of with a scarf. Never ever. She asked me if I would want to do it, I said no. And there she goes asking me AGAIN !
And this time - for the first time - I get enough courage to say NO and being a little sharp about it because it really got on my nerves that they want to appear generous and give me something that would actually be for their own kid.
I don't see why they would "wreck their brain trying to come up with a gift", I'm not a complicated person and she never asked my husband for gift ideas if she needed any.

Now besides that, they are easy and nice to work with, that's why I agreed to take care of their second child.

Anonymous wrote:I'm a nanny, but I think you're being a jerk here. YOU offered to do all these things for free, sending a clear message that you are uncomfortable with compensation/tit-for-tat. The parents probably wracked their brain trying to come up with a gift you would accept, settled on this thinking that since it was related to kids and you supposedly did all of this out of love for their kids that it would be a fitting gift, and you snapped at her.

Figure out what you want. If you want to be like family and do all this out of the goodness of your heart, then do it, but don't be passive aggressive and rude because they didn't guess the right way to thank you. If what you really want is to be paid like a normal employee, then don't offer to work for free.

+1. You said that you have been seeing the family socially in the years between the time you provided paid care for the older child and paid care for the new baby. So this is a situation where the lines between friendship and employer-employee are blurred, in large part as a result of your expressed enthusiasm for voluntarily spending time with the older child as you would a niece, friend's child, etc. Yes, it would have been more appropriate for them to gift you with something more clearly for your personal enjoyment, as you say they've done in the past. Keep in mind,. though, that this woman just had a new baby. She may be planning another gift and just hasn't gotten to it yet. Also, my guess is that the woman is so immersed in new baby euphoria right now that she actually thought you would enjoy wearing a baby sling in a pretty fabric of your choice rather than hers. At any rate, you were rude to snap at her and should have been more gracious about accepting the gift (or declining it nicely if it is truly something you would never use).

Also, ask yourself if you secretly feel that the family should have insisted on paying you, regardless of your protestations. If so, stop playing games and just tell them you would prefer a strictly business relationship now that you are working for them again. If that isn't the case, just accept that the mother is a bit awkward about gifting and move on.

Anonymous wrote:It was probably a gift they got and hated it. They are regifting it.

lol that was my first thought...or that they received duplicates. But the recent pps make good points too!

It was probably a gift they got and hated it. They are regifting it.

Another nanny here who thinks OP is in the wrong. You chose to care for their daughter free of charge with no expectation that they do/give you something in return. Now you are complaining when they try to give you a gift because the gift isn't something you particularly care to receive.

The correct response would have been a genuine thank you for the gesture...even if you had no plans on actually using the scarf to carry the baby. Perhaps it's really important to the family that the baby be carried even while in your care and they didn't want you to feel obligated spend money to carry out this wish.

I get that you wish the gift had been more personal, but it sounds like she was trying to gift you with something she thought would be useful to you in your role as a childcare provider.

Anonymous wrote:I'm a nanny, but I think you're being a jerk here. YOU offered to do all these things for free, sending a clear message that you are uncomfortable with compensation/tit-for-tat. The parents probably wracked their brain trying to come up with a gift you would accept, settled on this thinking that since it was related to kids and you supposedly did all of this out of love for their kids that it would be a fitting gift, and you snapped at her.

Figure out what you want. If you want to be like family and do all this out of the goodness of your heart, then do it, but don't be passive aggressive and rude because they didn't guess the right way to thank you. If what you really want is to be paid like a normal employee, then don't offer to work for free.

+1. You said they've given you nice gifts in the past that were for you and your husband and you also said you really didn't expect anything from her now. It might not have been the best choice in gifts but given their history it doesn't sound like it was intended as anything but a nice gesture. You were rude in your response to her and worse is that you are blowing it WAY out of proportion.

I'm a nanny, but I think you're being a jerk here. YOU offered to do all these things for free, sending a clear message that you are uncomfortable with compensation/tit-for-tat. The parents probably wracked their brain trying to come up with a gift you would accept, settled on this thinking that since it was related to kids and you supposedly did all of this out of love for their kids that it would be a fitting gift, and you snapped at her.

Figure out what you want. If you want to be like family and do all this out of the goodness of your heart, then do it, but don't be passive aggressive and rude because they didn't guess the right way to thank you. If what you really want is to be paid like a normal employee, then don't offer to work for free.

I would just say something like 'I have a carrier I really like, that fits me well and feels good on my back, but thank you anyway."

OP here, I'll answer more later but just wanted to say they are not from another culture.
They like anything organic, carrying the baby etc.
They have thanked me in the past for watching their daughter with a present that was for me (and my husband), but this time is really awkward.
I didn't expect anything and therefore was surprised they wanted to do something ... and now I'm upset and disapointed

Ugh. My employers are very kind people, but honestly socially awkward nerds, and my gifts are always related to the care of their kid in some way and I too have received the baby wrap gift. If they are generally nice bosses and otherwise treat you well, I would accept and simply chuckle to myself.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you have a heart of gold and what you did for this family went way above and beyond what most childcare providers would have done.
You obviously love what you do and this family is truly blessed to have someone like you in their lives.

They dropped the ball when they offered you a scarf to carry their own baby in however.
What a self-serving offer. I would have declined as well. What nerve!!

In the future, I would steer a little clear of them. They seem kind of off.

I wanted to ask you however, are they of another culture OP?
Perhaps I am being too ethnocentric here....

I read this once in a while when posters are discussing outrageous behaviors, and it makes me smile. I am "from another culture" and it may come to some Americans as a shock, but shamelessy taking advantage of others is considered a no-no in other countries too.

This family shouls have thanked the nanny with a personal gift, or simply paying them (when I had my second child our babysitter spent a few hours with our first so my DH could come to the hospital, and we paid the babysitter, it never crossed our minds to ask her to do it for free - if friends had done it, we would have thanked them, and maybe bought them a gift like a gift certificate to a restaurant they like or similar stuff). This family should have compensated the nanny. if the nanny helped them based on their friendship, they should have thanked her and bought something for her t enjoy. the family should have simply provided the nannny with the child carrier as they provide her (hopefully) with diapers, wipes and so on. they probably thought she could use the child carrier for her job with other kids, but since she will be working with their kid, the "gift" is clearly a faux pas.

I think the nanny in this case should draw very clear boundaries. watching kids is her job and she should treat it as such. I would not be surprised otherwise, if she is going to get the older child over and over (when school is closed for example) and for free

OP, I think you have a heart of gold and what you did for this family went way above and beyond what most childcare providers would have done.
You obviously love what you do and this family is truly blessed to have someone like you in their lives.

They dropped the ball when they offered you a scarf to carry their own baby in however.
What a self-serving offer. I would have declined as well. What nerve!!

In the future, I would steer a little clear of them. They seem kind of off.

I wanted to ask you however, are they of another culture OP?
Perhaps I am being too ethnocentric here....

I think you made yourself a doormat time and time again.

She's grossly taking advantage of your kindness. Typical.

Hello,

I would like your advice on a situation I am living.

I own a home daycare and have taken care of a little girl for 2 years, a few years ago. She is now in school full time.
The parents and I are in excellent terms, we see each other for dinner with the other families I used to work for, talk on Facebook, have coffee etc.

They had a little boy a few weeks ago and want me to take care of him, which I'm very happy about because this is the first time I'll take care of a kid's sibling.
To help them out and because I offered to, I took care (no charge) of their eldest daughter a few times.
I took this little girl with my own kids several times to a place like "chuck e cheese" where there are games etc and then off to McDonald's for Happy Meals.
I never asked them for any $ for the outings because I was happy to do it and $15 is not much when I'm already spending $100 etc lol

Their daughter also spent one full day + night and morning when she had her baby.
They asked me to cover since I live by the hospital and since I was the little girl's nanny, it was a great opportunity.
I happily said yes.

Now I get a phonecall from the mom and she tells me they want to thank me for being there for their daughter when she delivered and for the other days (outings etc).
She tells me she wants to give me a "PRESENT" but wants to see with me first if that's all right. I start telling her I don't need a present and did it to help them.
Anyways, she tells me she wants to buy a big scarf for me to carry the baby ! And that they will happily buy me one as a present to thank me for what I did ...
Honestly, no sound came out because I was quite shocked at her "generosity".
I don't consider that a present for ME but for them ... So I declined politely ...

And now I get a facebook message where she insists on wanting to give me that gift with words like "we're happy to give it to you" ... and that if I refuse that's ok, they'll let it go.
This time I really got upset ! When I make a present I'll pick it for the person's interest, not mine. I am disapointed in their lack of tact.

So I made some sort of sharp reply "thank you but no thank you" and I can tell by her reply that she's upset.

I didn't expect a gift and dearly love that kid, that's why I'm happy when she comes to spend some time with my family.

Honestly, what do you think ?