Anonymous
10/13/2013 04:21
Subject: S/O: Psychic Burden
Anonymous wrote:http://m.washingtonpost.com/national/mothers-more-fatigued-than-dads-but-find-jobs-and-child-care-meaningful-report-finds/2013/10/08/37284b2c-2fc4-11e3-9ccc-2252bdb14df5_story_1.html
There was a long discussion on the parents' side ofthe forums, and reading it, I realized that I, the nanny, take on a lot of the "psychic burden" for my nanny family. Does anyone else feel this way? I don't resent it, but I am leaving my current family after a long time and I think this is part of why MB and I have butter heads so much over the last few months (leading to my decision to leave). When I started here 4 1/2 years ago, the charges were a newborn and a young toddler and MB was working 70 hrs a week (and I worked 55 hours). I took over the little stuff like clipping nails, making sure clothes and shoes were the right size/season appropriate planning for/shopping for/ cooking dinner, bahing kids, brushing hair, getting dressed for school, communicating with teachers, scheduling and taking them to doctor/dentist/etc., caring for them when sick, remembering to restock allergy meds, filling out school forms, hiring sitters for back-to-school nights or my days off, etc. I don't mean to imply that MB isn't involved, but when I started out with this family, she didn't have the bandwidth for a lot of this, and thus left it to me. Over the last year, I think she has grown resentful of me doing a lot of this and has tried to take on more, but the way she has gone about it has ultimately just revealed some communication problems that were always there. I think if I had realized sooner that this is what she was tryin to do, things might have gone differently. Instead I just felt criticized and undermined as I would try to take care of things according to the system that has worked for 4 1/2 years and she would start questioning me/telling me she wanted to do it X way instead, which felt like everything I had been doing for years wasn't good enough anymore.
Have any other nannies been in this situation? How has it affected your relationship as the kids outgrow full-time care?
Definitely laughed at "butter heads" sorry
I agree that she must have started feeling, seeing, realizing that she sorta missed those things. This is easier said than done, but try not to take her resentment or comments too much to heart.
Perhaps it hit her that the kids are growing out of needing that full time care and BAM, all the little things you've been doing wonderfully for so long are now what she realizes she wanted to be a part of. I'm stubborn, I like to project blame, and it isn't nice.
I am a nanny, so I feel your pain. Remember ALL the amazing stuff you did for your charges! Remember how much your MB needed you to be that person for her.
Your years were good enough, she just isn't handling herself well.
Sorry OP, hang in there!
Anonymous
10/12/2013 14:22
Subject: S/O: Psychic Burden
I tried to read the article but it wasn't there. Maybe because I don't subscribe?
Anonymous
10/11/2013 19:30
Subject: S/O: Psychic Burden
Maybe your MB realized she was barely parenting her kids and this started to knaw at her? With 70 hrs a week and you doing all of that it does not sound As if she could hardly even know her kids.
-MB
-MB
Anonymous
10/11/2013 18:17
Subject: S/O: Psychic Burden
*butted heads
Anonymous
10/11/2013 18:14
Subject: S/O: Psychic Burden
http://m.washingtonpost.com/national/mothers-more-fatigued-than-dads-but-find-jobs-and-child-care-meaningful-report-finds/2013/10/08/37284b2c-2fc4-11e3-9ccc-2252bdb14df5_story_1.html
There was a long discussion on the parents' side ofthe forums, and reading it, I realized that I, the nanny, take on a lot of the "psychic burden" for my nanny family. Does anyone else feel this way? I don't resent it, but I am leaving my current family after a long time and I think this is part of why MB and I have butter heads so much over the last few months (leading to my decision to leave). When I started here 4 1/2 years ago, the charges were a newborn and a young toddler and MB was working 70 hrs a week (and I worked 55 hours). I took over the little stuff like clipping nails, making sure clothes and shoes were the right size/season appropriate planning for/shopping for/ cooking dinner, bahing kids, brushing hair, getting dressed for school, communicating with teachers, scheduling and taking them to doctor/dentist/etc., caring for them when sick, remembering to restock allergy meds, filling out school forms, hiring sitters for back-to-school nights or my days off, etc. I don't mean to imply that MB isn't involved, but when I started out with this family, she didn't have the bandwidth for a lot of this, and thus left it to me. Over the last year, I think she has grown resentful of me doing a lot of this and has tried to take on more, but the way she has gone about it has ultimately just revealed some communication problems that were always there. I think if I had realized sooner that this is what she was tryin to do, things might have gone differently. Instead I just felt criticized and undermined as I would try to take care of things according to the system that has worked for 4 1/2 years and she would start questioning me/telling me she wanted to do it X way instead, which felt like everything I had been doing for years wasn't good enough anymore.
Have any other nannies been in this situation? How has it affected your relationship as the kids outgrow full-time care?
There was a long discussion on the parents' side ofthe forums, and reading it, I realized that I, the nanny, take on a lot of the "psychic burden" for my nanny family. Does anyone else feel this way? I don't resent it, but I am leaving my current family after a long time and I think this is part of why MB and I have butter heads so much over the last few months (leading to my decision to leave). When I started here 4 1/2 years ago, the charges were a newborn and a young toddler and MB was working 70 hrs a week (and I worked 55 hours). I took over the little stuff like clipping nails, making sure clothes and shoes were the right size/season appropriate planning for/shopping for/ cooking dinner, bahing kids, brushing hair, getting dressed for school, communicating with teachers, scheduling and taking them to doctor/dentist/etc., caring for them when sick, remembering to restock allergy meds, filling out school forms, hiring sitters for back-to-school nights or my days off, etc. I don't mean to imply that MB isn't involved, but when I started out with this family, she didn't have the bandwidth for a lot of this, and thus left it to me. Over the last year, I think she has grown resentful of me doing a lot of this and has tried to take on more, but the way she has gone about it has ultimately just revealed some communication problems that were always there. I think if I had realized sooner that this is what she was tryin to do, things might have gone differently. Instead I just felt criticized and undermined as I would try to take care of things according to the system that has worked for 4 1/2 years and she would start questioning me/telling me she wanted to do it X way instead, which felt like everything I had been doing for years wasn't good enough anymore.
Have any other nannies been in this situation? How has it affected your relationship as the kids outgrow full-time care?