OP, after hearing your expanded descriptions of the nannies you should absolutely go with Nanny #2.

I disagree with others that a working interview for both would be unfair - you'd need to be upfront that you were conducting them with a number of people, but there's nothing wrong with that - but clearly Nanny #2 is the best fit for you. Trust your instincts, your ability to communicate comfortably with whoever you hire will be the most important factor in everyone's happiness.

Very helpful OP. I'm an MB and I would definitely go w/ #2 in this scenario.

I think your instincts about what your child needs are very important. Also, the adjectives you used to describe the second candidate (confident, experienced, energetic and smart) combined w/ the solid references and her ability to articulate what she's looking for in a position would all appeal to me.

#1 may be lovely, but I would chose a more seasoned experienced candidate given the option.

Given what your describing about the dynamic you anticipate w/ your child, that might be an excellent question for a conversation with either or both candidates. Tell them that you are trying to determine the best fit for your family and lay out a "for instance, how would you handle this" kind of scenario. (Don't set your child up so that the nanny will assume they're walking into a nightmare of course.) See how they handle the question - what would they do, what do they recommend for bringing the nanny in successfully/establishing the relationship, have they managed a dynamic like this before, etc...

You could do all of that in a phone conversation (so not putting them through lots more hoops) and possibly get a lot more information supporting your own instincts or not.

Good luck!

OP here.

#1 lives closer
Is younger
Mild communication issues
Very kind and gentle
Laughs a lot
Although less experienced, has experience in a similar position
Reference says hard worker, diligent, follows direction well, responsible
Only reference reached so far was not for similar position
Reference was unable to answer question of how #1 would do if sibling conflict arose

#2 lives farther
Older
Easy to communicate with
Very experienced
Confident
References (2) say she takes initiative (although not inappropriately), has great judgment and can be firm with kids (appropriately) when needed
Nice demeanor
Energetic and smart (references confirm this impression)
Follows parent preferences (according to references)
Was able to say what kind of position/dynamic doesn't work for her

I like #2 because of the easy communication and the confidence, although I think #1 is a lovely person

While DC#2 would never articulate it this way, I think #1 is DC's choice because DC#2 doesn't like to be challenged or directed but rather persuaded of things. This requires a great deal of patience that I, myself, cannot muster, although we had a long-term nanny who could. I think DC#2 is looking to replace that nanny. We also had a babysitter that DC#2 loved, and #1 reminds DC of that babysitter.

I am struggling because I think #2 might be the nanny DC#2 needs because I think it is time DC learns to accept that there are limits on, for example, how much you can annoy your siblings without a consequence, but I worry that #2 may also have conflicts with DC#2 in the beginning and that may create more drama and stress than necessary. DH shares this worry. So I guess we will see what the rest of the references have to say.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In general I think a parent's opinion trumps a child's opinion. Why do you like #2 better? Are there factors in location, references, prior tenure with families, experience with similarly aged kids, energy level, communication ability, etc... that can differentiate them a bit?

I think this depends on the age of your kids, and your reasons. If you think #2 would make a better employee and all other things are equal, I'd say your opinion trumps. If your reason is you think #2 would be more fun/loving/etc. but your kid got a different impression, I'd think what DC thinks matters more there.

Fair enough, or if #2 somehow made a kid feel uneasy or something, then that would also trump.

Really hard to effectively advise OP on the limited info.

Anonymous wrote:In general I think a parent's opinion trumps a child's opinion. Why do you like #2 better? Are there factors in location, references, prior tenure with families, experience with similarly aged kids, energy level, communication ability, etc... that can differentiate them a bit?

I think this depends on the age of your kids, and your reasons. If you think #2 would make a better employee and all other things are equal, I'd say your opinion trumps. If your reason is you think #2 would be more fun/loving/etc. but your kid got a different impression, I'd think what DC thinks matters more there.

In general I think a parent's opinion trumps a child's opinion. Why do you like #2 better? Are there factors in location, references, prior tenure with families, experience with similarly aged kids, energy level, communication ability, etc... that can differentiate them a bit?

Anonymous wrote:How old are your children, OP?

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Well OP since you didn't provide any other details about the two, I would just go w/your own gut.

It would be unfair to give them both working interviews. It would be like stringing them both along for the ride.
As a nanny, I usually like to know as soon as possible whether or not I have the job or not. I do not have a ton of patience for those families who want to do working interviews w/me and other candidates. My time is precious and I am anxious to secure a job as soon as I can, etc.

OP, if things do not pan out w/your first choice, keep the second one's contact info just in case.

And try to pretend that you'd be a super boss to.

I agree with the PP that proximity to where you live makes a difference. You should also thoroughly check the references and try to engage them in enough conversation to get the real story on the nanny. Too many references will avoid telling you the truth about a candidates negative aspects.

How old are your children, OP?

I think you could ask them both to do a working interview, but make it clear that you are still considering multiple candidates (so she doesn't give notice prematurely) and keep the interview short, ie. a hour or two not a full afternoon. I would be fine doing a working interview in this situation, but not thrilled about giving up too much time with the chance that it is all for naught. Good luck!

#2 Easy. She's the one you like best.

I'd give weight to how far away they live. The closer they live, the easier it will be on the nanny and the more likely she is to stay long term.

We have narrowed our search down to 2 candidates and are in the process of checking references on both of them.

I am very on the fence about which one is the better candidate. Our kids are old enough to know what is going on, so I have asked them what they think. Everybody agrees these are the top two, although One DC likes candidate #1 best, I like candidate #2 best, and DH and the other DCs don't seem to have a preference between them.

We have never been in the situation before of having two people in what is, essentially, a dead heat. What strategies would you recommend to figure it out? I don't think it's fair to ask them both to do a working interview or a second interview but maybe it will come down to that. I just don't want to lead anyone on.

Thoughts?