This is sad, you should watch Mary Poppins, she knows from day one she's there because the parents need help and shrimper once they don't need help it will be time to move on. She leaves without saying goodbye, because the truth is the children's relationship with their parents is the most important. In all nanny situations its the relationship between parents and children that is the most important, the nanny is just part of the support system. You'll have to get your own lif and loved ones to cry over because In my twenty years of nannying only a handful the children I have cared for will remember me, and no family has ever taken me out to dinner after our time has ended. Truth is you'll move on and so will they, you can have fond memories and be proud of your hand in helping raise a amazing person, but if there's more to it then that you should change you line of work or seek a therapist.

OP, I understand your sadness...Trust me...As a Nanny, I feel your pain as well.

However, with all of my previous families, I have great relationships with the parents as well as the kiddos so once they no longer need for nanny hours, they still call on me for babysitting hours, you know, date nights and stuff.

I also come by every now and then and visit and the parents are thrilled to have me come over because the kids get so excited to see me!!

So yes, it is sad to not see the kids on a regular basis, but you can still be a part of their lives OP.

I second seeing a therapist. You have some unresolved issues that you need to face with support. Even if this is an "inner dialogue" rant it is not the appropriate feelings you should be having. Wishing you could see them grow up is okay but describing yourself as a third parent being ripped away is not. You have become too attached to these children and lost yourself in a role that was never given to you. You were the nanny, not the third parent. You had no real say in anything that wasn't trivial.
I had a similar situation that I seeked out support for, I became very upset when parents would allow their children to watch show that weren't age appropriate, eat unhealthy food or use discipline tactics that weren't effective after I would discuss it or suggest more appropriate things. I never showed my anger but did realize it was unhealthy. When I spoke to my therapist, we discovered that I had some unresolved issues from my horrible childhood. I was over Compensating for my childhood by trying to do everything "right" for the children I cared for. I wanted to give them what I wasn't given. I need to take a step back and realize this was my issue, not theirs and I had to "let go".

Agree with 13:27. You sound unbalanced. When my DD outgrows her beloved manny I do hope they'll stay in touch. I probably won't let him take her on vacations because that's weird. But I could see us inviting him to her birthday parties and to dinner a few times a year to catch up. As long as he doesn't get as crazy as you are.

Wow, OP. I know the children love you and you love them but you are supposed to be the grownup. It is one thing for a 5 year old to say "I wish you were my real mother" which honestly she may forget in 15 minutes. It is another thing for you to believe it. You are too attached.
If you can't figure out how not to be this way you need to find a new job.

(Feeling a sigh of relief that I did not interview the nanny candidates that seemed like they might be this way.)

Anonymous wrote:It's amazing how many perfect, controlled, always level headed, judgmental women become nannies. OP prefaced her post saying it was a rant, most of it was her inner dialogue. Calm down ladies, she is human, just like the rest of us.

Sorry, wrong thread. This OP does sound a bit unhinged, and unreasonably so.

It's amazing how many perfect, controlled, always level headed, judgmental women become nannies. OP prefaced her post saying it was a rant, most of it was her inner dialogue. Calm down ladies, she is human, just like the rest of us.

You sound creepy and unstable. Those are not your damn kids, if you can't care for them without thinking they are, you should not be a nanny

How long have you cared for this child?

I would want our nanny to stay connected/in-touch w/ our family. We all love her and I'd want the kids to have that connection. I can see having her over for dinner, birthdays, maybe baby-sitting if that made sense, etc...

But our nanny is a professional - she has moved on from several families as the kids grow up, and she's maintained contact with most of them for quite a while. I think that's great.

If our nanny was as distressed as you are, especially this far out, and was talking about wanting to take them on vacation, being their third parent, having visiting rights, being "ripped away" when they are too old to need a nanny, etc... I would be very concerned.

What you are describing sounds excessive and worrisome to me. I think you should try to figure out why you are so depressed, so dependent on these relationships, whether nannying is the right job for you, how to manage the inevitable job change, etc...

I think the recommendation to get a therapist is a good one. You sound like you're in a dark spot that is less about the job than some of your own issues.

Good luck.

OP, how about considering the impact you're making on the child's life? They may not "remember" you, but surely, the lessons you're teaching the child now will stay with him/her for the rest of his/her life.

Kids always say things like that but I guarentee you, that 5 year old will get over you alot faster then her actual parents..

I swear that was NOT meant to sound snarky.. If you have a close bound I'm sure the parents will want you to stay in touch, esp if you've been their nanny for several years.

Maybe seek a therapist in the mean time to try and help you in this process. Noone should be spending their weekends crying in bed.

Goodluck!

Anonymous wrote:Are you trying to start a fight? You aren't the most important figure in the kid's life. The fact that you think that screams boundary issues. Its normal to be sad at leaving behind the kids at your nanny job. It is not normal to spend the weekend in bed crying. Remind yourself that this is a job, they are not your kids, and let go.

OP: I meant one of the most important. Th e 5 year old tells me that she wishes that I was her real mother. I know it is probably not normal but I can't help how sad I am feeling.

Are you trying to start a fight? You aren't the most important figure in the kid's life. The fact that you think that screams boundary issues. Its normal to be sad at leaving behind the kids at your nanny job. It is not normal to spend the weekend in bed crying. Remind yourself that this is a job, they are not your kids, and let go.

I am a nanny and I hate this part of my job in knowing that after a year I will be forgotten by the children that I have watched for over 40 hours a week, loved and spoiled. I will not see them grow up, go through their firsts or anything else. I feel like a third parent that is ripped away from her child when I leave the family. I feel as if the children are my own children and I am getting majorly depressed as the days fly by and my time with them slips away. I wish they had nanny visiting rights but I am thinking of asking the parents if I can still visit with them and maybe take them on vacations with me. My heart hearts and I spent the weekend in bed crying when I realized I had only a year or so left. How do others nannies deal with this feeling? I know my time is almost up with them as they are going off to school and I hate to think of joining another family and opening up my heart seems an invitation for more pain and disappointment.