I think if you are asking in advance, you are doing it fine.

Our nanny takes DS on outings and generally asks if it is something outside the routine. I feel that once I say yes I really can't feel resentful for the reasons you describe. It sounds like your MB and DB are emotionally healthy so I'm sure they feel this way too.

But you are very sweet and sensitive to worry about these things. Sounds like all of oyu together have a nice thing going.

You're doing things the right way, OP. I also mention things to my bosses before I do them, usually a few weeks before I'm planning it, so they have the time to either do it themselves (first trip to the zoo, for example) or let me know if they've mulled it over and would prefer I leave that as a family activity for them. So far I've never had any issues - like your MB and DB, mine are also very laid back - so if you're communicating well with them I don't think you should worry.

I've worried about this before so I just let families know ahead of time (usually in the last stages of the interview process) that I am aware of this and to PLEASE let me know if you would like to experience the "first" of something, as I wouldn't want to step on any toes.
It's hard for me to know, as it really depends on the parents what is important based on their hobbies/preferences. One MB spoke up when I wanted to take the little girl ice skating (because she used to skate as a girl) and one never wanted me to take the kids to the local theme park as it always represented fun family days to them. However, I NEVER take the kids to the pumpkin patch or to see Santa before their parents have, probably because I always loved doing that with my family as a kid. So as you see, you cannot predict what each family deems important.

OP Here, thanks for the responses! To those who were concerned I was making an issue out of it, it's more just something that has always been a concern of mine when planning activities and I wanted to see if it was something others dealt with as well. I'm well assured I shouldn't worry about it now so thank you!

and to PP: Build a Bear was a lot of fun, for both me and L/O

I think you're creating a problem where there is none. I don't want you to get my DD's hair cut or pierce her ears, and I'd like to take her to see the Nutcracker myself and to her first Broadway play, but anything else is no big deal. I'd rather kill myself than go build a freaking bear or go traipsing around Disney.

Just say to the mom "I don't want to step on your toes at all. I was thinking of taking Kid to Building Bear, but if that's something you'd like to do there's a cool art event at the library that looks good. Which do you prefer we do?" and if she says whatever you want, then she doesn't care, really.

Hey op, your nf sounds a lot like mine. Mb is super laid back and thinks it's awesome that we do fun stuff but I also try to be careful to not take away firsts. What worked for us was i made a list of places we might go and told mb to mark any she would like to do.

MB here. I appreciate your sensitivity to this - it's the kind of thing that parents might not realize could upset them until it's too late.

But if you've checked with them and they ok'd it then you have done more than enough. Don't worry about it after that (unless they give you reason for concern.) It would also be fine to say to the mother that you completely understand if there are things (like build a bear) that she'd rather do with the kids first that you would totally understand - and that's why you regularly check in w/ her.

I miss doing some of these "firsts" w/ my kids - but I care more than they're having fun and new experiences when I can't be with them. So it's the price I pay and that's ok.

Don't overthink it but do stay in touch w/ the parents as you are.

What hobbies do you have?

I completely understand you OP. I also have absolute freedom with my charge. I take him on many outings. I used to feel guilty that I am seeing have so much fun, and not his parents. They may feel a tiny bit resentful that they don't get to enjoy these unique experiences with them. But if they are not saying anything. Keep on doing what's best for your charge.

My last family was different, I came up with cool outing ideas. And when I asked if I can take the child, the parents would do it with them on the weekend instead. Understandable too.

Different families have different needs

Anonymous wrote:Honestly OP, I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill here. I think everything is okay. If there was a problem, I am sure you would most likely sense something here right?

Just enjoy planning things and go with the flow.
I am sure your family thinks you are a very creative nanny with all of your ideas for things to do with the kids!!

Op here, thanks. It's not really a huge worry of mine, just something I've always been a little concerned with with this family and past families I've worked for. It's hard to write it out without it sounding like a bigger deal then it is haha. Just wondering if other nannies can relate. But thank you for your response!

Honestly OP, I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill here. I think everything is okay. If there was a problem, I am sure you would most likely sense something here right?

Just enjoy planning things and go with the flow.
I am sure your family thinks you are a very creative nanny with all of your ideas for things to do with the kids!!

I'm wondering if anyone else worries about this and if they have any tips or anything. Currently I work for an awesome family. They are super laid back, give me a lot of freedom and trust and absolutely no micro managing. They encourage me to do outings with my 2.5 y/o charge which I love. However, sometime I worry about doing things that maybe they would have preferred to do first. For example, I think my charge would LOVE to go to build a bear soon and I know that if I asked or mentioned it to MB / DB she would tell me "sure, that sounds like fun." My worry is that she has never discouraged ANY idea I've ever had so I wonder if she just doesn't like to be confrontational. They are very hands on and devoted parents on their days off and do lots of outings and activities with L/O. So I guess I'm just hesitant with some "first time" outings because I don't want to take that away from them. I also feel a little weird saying this to them because I don't want it to come off like they should feel bad / guilty for not having as much time and freedom with their L/O as I do. Anyone ever worry about this or encounter a problem with it?