Yikes!! I don't even know this Nanny...but sounds like the job from Hell. No offense...But double whammy. A work from home parent + 2 difficult young children = disaster!!!!

Is there any way you can take your work elsewhere? A coffee shop? An onsite office? ANYWHERE??!!

If not, the best you can do is keep yourself as far removed from the trio as you can and keep all doors shut tight. Refrain from any temptation to interfere and let the nanny have complete autonomy.

If possible, let her take the kids out of the house. Let her drive them to the zoo, the playground, the park, the library, the ice cream shop, etc.
Her sanity needs to be taken into consideration as well.

I wish you all the best.

I work from home a lot, and I think it also would help at least with the 3 year old to set some ground rules that let him know who is in charge. I have a 2 1/2 year old who is sometimes like this, and our rule is that when nanny arrives, nanny is in charge. Even if I have to be out (and I go to great lengths to stay in my office, door shut, out of sight), my son can't go to me for anything - want milk? Ask nanny if you can have some. Want to play a game? maybe nanny will play with you if you ask nicely. By showing him that he can't turn to me, I am helping establish her as decision maker. Same goes for rushing out when my son is being a beast. They have to find their own rhythm. I agree talking issues over with her (we sometimes do this at naptime) and letting her know she doesn't have to worry that you blame her for the phases the kids are in will help her feel confident and ease the transition.

Thank you so much for your advice. I definitely want to do what's best.

OP, just taking the time to speak with your nanny and acknowledge that both your DC's are going through rough stages right now will help, as will offering her any advice you have for managing them and asking her for her ideas as well.

Good for you for recognizing this could become an issue and taking steps to avoid a problem down the road!

I am a nanny who has only ever worked in an environment with at least one parent working from home. It is great that you are aware of this situation. For the baby, do not rush in and try to show her how to soothe him in the moment, as that will cause him to cry more in hopes that he will get mommy to come help with him. The same goes for disciplining your three-year-old. Basically, any time you mommy or daddy is present, it feels like a fun reward. This is true even if mommy or daddy is there yelling at you for your bad behavior! Do not reward problem behavior with your presence.

What you can do is set up a regular time to talk with her about how things are going. Ask her to turn on a movie for the 3-yo during baby's nap once a week and have a 20-minute chat. You can use this time to tell her about discipline techniques that have worked with 3yo, about calming strategies for baby, and she can ask questions and get feedback. One of the hardest things about working for WAHPs is the feeling that you are being judged every time baby cries or toddler tantrums. Telling her that you appreciate her and that you know she is doing her best can help take the edge off.

I would tell her in the morning when she gets there that A. you KNOW your kids are a handful, and B. you do the type of work where you can pop out to help if she needs an extra set of hands so she should just ask, and C. here are some tips you've found that make life easier during diaper changes or whatever.

Can you be at another location for just a week or so? She needs to find her way. That can be near impossible with mom at home.

So we just moved and I'm now working from home. We hired a nanny but I'd like some advice in terms of the dynamic being home.

My older son is 3 and is a TERRIBLE 3 year old. Pushes the envelop, whines, tries to push buttons. While I love him, this is not his best phase. Similarly, I have a 6 month old who is kind of a disaster. He SCREAMS when he's changes, is hard to put down, refuses a bottle, and HATES the car seat.

When I'm working, I can hear them. The baby whines and fusses and cries, my older son pitches a fit and shouts NO at her. And I want to rush out and discipline him and tell him to be respectful, and I want to rush out and help her figure out how to soothe the baby since she is just getting to know him. But I also feel like she needs to just sort things out.

What is the balance in terms of training, providing support, and giving her the space to find her own way? Any advice from moms who have BTDT?