Anonymous
Post 08/07/2013 16:51     Subject: Please do not leave your husband at home with your au pair or nanny. Thank you.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If you're the MB, what makes you think you'll ever find out about your grope-the-help, husband? I know of several nannies who politely made up another excuse for leaving you. Some nannies would rather not be part of that kind of drama, especially if she lives with you.


Well, there is not much I can do about if you don't say anything.

Believe me, I do appreciate that the situation is awkward and that you have been done a great wrong if this ever takes place. But one cannot operate on the assumption that all men are going to take liberties.

Also, the OP's suggestion just is not practical. As it stands in our house, my husband does much of the supervision of our child, and telecommutes, while we have childcare help. There is no conceivable way I can be there all the time, or even most of the time. The OP's suggestion assumes a world in which men are mostly absent from the home, and women supervise all household activities. This just isn't the case anymore.

Is it a high school teen who requires constant supervision? A nanny certainly doesn't need/want a parent to supervise her. It simply is a risk that most people fail to consider. Even when husbands are having affairs openly, many wives prefer to pretend it isn't happening. It's often easier to ignore the obvious.


I think my post was not clear. He doesn't supervise the nanny. He watches our child, except when he is telecommuting. Our nanny is covers for him while he telecommutes.

Husband is in vicinity, so has some idea of what is going on, but he is not "supervising." He is in the same house and has some idea what is going on, or might ask how things are going. The same as any MB in the same house would do, I imagine.



Anonymous
Post 08/07/2013 15:45     Subject: Re:Please do not leave your husband at home with your au pair or nanny. Thank you.
Anonymous wrote:OP, what are you talking about?

Men are adults and should be treated as such - with respect and trust. IF a man behaves inappropriately, THAT is the time for changes and new boundaries. But we aren't going to preemptively assume every man who employs someone for childcare is a lecherous creep, because that is unreasonable and unfair.


I'm sorry this is completely and utterly off topic, but I just have to point out the irony. Replace the word man in your post with nanny, and this is a great argument against secret nanny cams that is always scoffed at. Every nanny is a presumed child abuser until secretly filmed and proven otherwise. What good is it to find out your husband is a molester after he messes with the nanny? And what makes you think you'd find out?
Anonymous
Post 08/07/2013 15:39     Subject: Please do not leave your husband at home with your au pair or nanny. Thank you.
I'm a nanny and I'd be pretty offended if db weren't allowed alone with me. I am not some helpless airhead and db is not some sex crazed maniac. We are adults and conduct ourselves in such a manner, I don't need to be protected from anyone.
Anonymous
Post 08/07/2013 15:39     Subject: Please do not leave your husband at home with your au pair or nanny. Thank you.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If you're the MB, what makes you think you'll ever find out about your grope-the-help, husband? I know of several nannies who politely made up another excuse for leaving you. Some nannies would rather not be part of that kind of drama, especially if she lives with you.


Well, there is not much I can do about if you don't say anything.

Believe me, I do appreciate that the situation is awkward and that you have been done a great wrong if this ever takes place. But one cannot operate on the assumption that all men are going to take liberties.

Also, the OP's suggestion just is not practical. As it stands in our house, my husband does much of the supervision of our child, and telecommutes, while we have childcare help. There is no conceivable way I can be there all the time, or even most of the time. The OP's suggestion assumes a world in which men are mostly absent from the home, and women supervise all household activities. This just isn't the case anymore.

Is it a high school teen who requires constant supervision? A nanny certainly doesn't need/want a parent to supervise her. It simply is a risk that most people fail to consider. Even when husbands are having affairs openly, many wives prefer to pretend it isn't happening. It's often easier to ignore the obvious.
Anonymous
Post 08/07/2013 15:29     Subject: Please do not leave your husband at home with your au pair or nanny. Thank you.
Anonymous wrote:If you're the MB, what makes you think you'll ever find out about your grope-the-help, husband? I know of several nannies who politely made up another excuse for leaving you. Some nannies would rather not be part of that kind of drama, especially if she lives with you.


Well, there is not much I can do about if you don't say anything.

Believe me, I do appreciate that the situation is awkward and that you have been done a great wrong if this ever takes place. But one cannot operate on the assumption that all men are going to take liberties.

Also, the OP's suggestion just is not practical. As it stands in our house, my husband does much of the supervision of our child, and telecommutes, while we have childcare help. There is no conceivable way I can be there all the time, or even most of the time. The OP's suggestion assumes a world in which men are mostly absent from the home, and women supervise all household activities. This just isn't the case anymore.
Anonymous
Post 08/07/2013 15:05     Subject: Please do not leave your husband at home with your au pair or nanny. Thank you.
If you're the MB, what makes you think you'll ever find out about your grope-the-help, husband? I know of several nannies who politely made up another excuse for leaving you. Some nannies would rather not be part of that kind of drama, especially if she lives with you.
Anonymous
Post 08/07/2013 14:48     Subject: Re:Please do not leave your husband at home with your au pair or nanny. Thank you.
OP, what are you talking about?

Men are adults and should be treated as such - with respect and trust. IF a man behaves inappropriately, THAT is the time for changes and new boundaries. But we aren't going to preemptively assume every man who employs someone for childcare is a lecherous creep, because that is unreasonable and unfair.
Anonymous
Post 08/07/2013 13:30     Subject: Please do not leave your husband at home with your au pair or nanny. Thank you.
What exactly is your point? That because some men take liberties, no men shall be left alone with a nanny?

I'll stick with this: I trust my husband. If I didn't, I'd be divorced.

If he fondles the nanny, he gets divorced.

Luckily only some men are like this.

I do not say this to downplay what some workers experience: I am sure this does happen. There's a long sordid history of men taking advantage of household help. However, I certainly hope that in this day in age most people find this behavior unacceptable, and would not stand for it.
Anonymous
Post 08/07/2013 10:30     Subject: Please do not leave your husband at home with your au pair or nanny. Thank you.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Thank goodness someone shared this critical advice. I'm sure my marriage is saved as a result. Clearly I needed to hear this as it could never be assumed that my husband, or my nanny could be trusted. Obviously I need to rethink my entire life to assume the worst and plan accordingly.


I take it you aren't the family of the groped au pair?


Clearly not. I'm one of what I am sure is the vast majority of employers who treat their nanny (or aupair, or anyone) with respect. And one of many MBs who trusts her husband first and foremost in all things, and her nanny completely with everything she holds dear.
Anonymous
Post 08/07/2013 10:27     Subject: Please do not leave your husband at home with your au pair or nanny. Thank you.
Anonymous wrote:Thank goodness someone shared this critical advice. I'm sure my marriage is saved as a result. Clearly I needed to hear this as it could never be assumed that my husband, or my nanny could be trusted. Obviously I need to rethink my entire life to assume the worst and plan accordingly.


I take it you aren't the family of the groped au pair?
Anonymous
Post 08/07/2013 10:23     Subject: Please do not leave your husband at home with your au pair or nanny. Thank you.
Thank goodness someone shared this critical advice. I'm sure my marriage is saved as a result. Clearly I needed to hear this as it could never be assumed that my husband, or my nanny could be trusted. Obviously I need to rethink my entire life to assume the worst and plan accordingly.

Anonymous
Post 08/06/2013 18:40     Subject: Re:Please do not leave your husband at home with your au pair or nanny. Thank you.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Hahaha. What a joke.

What? The au pair getting groped?
Anonymous
Post 08/06/2013 18:34     Subject: Re:Please do not leave your husband at home with your au pair or nanny. Thank you.
Anonymous wrote:Hahaha. What a joke.

What? The au pair getting groped?
Anonymous
Post 08/06/2013 18:18     Subject: Re:Please do not leave your husband at home with your au pair or nanny. Thank you.
Hahaha. What a joke.
Anonymous
Post 08/06/2013 18:04     Subject: Please do not leave your husband at home with your au pair or nanny. Thank you.
Too many men seem to feel that "the help" should help them out in the bedroom. Disgusting. Maybe that explains why some MBs get a manny. Then you have other concerns.