MB here. My thought: You were the host. She came to a party, to which you had invited her, on her own time. Everything went well, and you had fun. Most people assume kid's birthdays are pretty casual affairs.

Do you and your friends not have something better to discuss, than the arrival time of one person?

While it would have been nice to have her there for the whole thing, I just don't see if as a big deal that she came late.

It was nice of her to even come by at all! She doesn't know anyone else except the birthday boy who was surely being distracted by the 60 other people at the party. I am an MB and ALWAYS get to kids parties about 30 minutes after the start time-- and would never imagine calling about being a little late-- she probably thought that you wouldn't even notice or care. I would not think a second more about it other than to say, "thanks for stopping by the party this weekend, baby enjoyed getting to see you".

OP, this sounds like a pretty major over-reaction. Perhaps she should have acknowledged her lateness, but maybe she didn't realize it was an issue at all. Lots of parties have flexible start times, lots of cultures have an assumption that appropriate arrival times aren't at the very beginning, etc...

Most of all, it's a party and she was a guest. It's rude to be this judgmental about your guests. And rude for other guests to comment on it.

OP you're wrong to be upset about this, your friends are wrong to comment to you as if she's done anything wrong, and you need to reframe your expectations. If there were 60 people, there is no way it was anything less than a two-hour party. She missed cocktail hour, essentially. Be grateful she showed up at all.

If there were 60 people there how did some of your friends even notice she was late, and then to say something to you? Thats just rude.

I've never been to one of my charges birthday parties. I'll always make sure I get them a gift and many times we'll do something special together during work hours. However, after being at my employer's home for 50+ hours a week I NEED my weekends to stay sane. This does not mean I do not care for your child, it just means I need to have my own time to relax and have a life.

Unless you were paying her to be there, you have no right to be upset that she showed up late. Plan on looking for a new nanny if you make a stink over this.

My nanny declined to be at my son's first b-day party. Since then I never invited her

OP isn't telling us about her real issues.

Fire her.

Idk anyone that shows up on the dot at the start time to a party. How can you be late to a party? Can you try to be appreciative that she came at all, on a Saturday at that, instead of focussing on what she didn't do? Presumably she was a guest, so why does it matter if she was there for every minute of the party. It was probably a very awkward experience for her.

60 people for a 1 year old's BD party? She's was probably there the whole time and you just didn't see her.

You didn't mention what flavor the cake was. I can't help you if you're going to omit important details from the story

Holy shit. Entitled much? I'm speaking as a mom here, I'm not a nanny. Did you pay her to come to your son's party? Because otherwise, WTH is wrong with you that you would expect her to come to your son's birthday party -- which I guarantee you he will not remember any of, and then you allowed your friends to trash talk her and you took it all personally?

I would recommend taking two "get over yourself" and don't call in the morning.

Tuesday is my sons first birthday, and we celebrated his party on Saturday. It was a somewhat big event, I am very social, as is my husband and so we had a guest list of about 60. Everyone arrived on time, except one person. My nanny. The woman I hold responsible for my child can't even show up at the proper time for his very first birthday. She was 45 minutes late, came in without an excuse. No apology, nothing. Several of my friends made comments to me, I luckily made up an excuse for her saying her car had engine problems. I just found it all very inconsiderate. I understand if she is a little late, but 45 minutes and no phone call? It makes it seem like she doesn't care at all!