Why is the nanny loading and unloading the dishwasher as a daily duty? Yes, you wash the dishes used for child(ren) but this should not include dishwasher!

I don't know how you can detect a micromanager in an interview. Those who poorly manage people never seem to realize they are poor managers. I love my current MB but she is a miserable manager. In her work, over the last three years that I have worked for her, she has lost every single member of her "team" for one reason or another - some leave the company and others ask for a transfer. She simply sucks at management and is a terrible "boss". However, I have come to know her and respect her as a mother and have been with her long enough to speak up or let things she says slide.

There is nothing in my initial interview that would have led me to believe she was a lousy manager.

If NF wants to dictate how to do every little thing, what's the point of paying for a professional nanny who is trained and experienced?

Get a new nanny who needs training and you can teach her to everything your way.

Win-win.

I hire all the time in my job. If I had a candidate who in the course of one interview was assertive about:

- what I can and cannot tolerate in a working environment
- how negatively I respond to micromanaging
- I would need to feel trusted to handling those sorts of things on my own without a lot of direction
- I cannot tolerate being micromanaged every day

It would not go well. No one likes to be micromanaged. No one. But language as strong as that above, and repetition in that way, would be clear indicators of prior bad experiences, or inflexibility, or an inflated sense of one's capabilities, or - at bare minimum - a complete inability to read me in terms of how they were being perceived.

I wouldn't hire that kind of attitude in my workplace or my home. And presumably you would have zero interest in working for me.

Fair enough. And it's good for the OP seeing a few different sides/reactions to the question she posed so she can decide what the best approach is for her and whatever prospective employers she's meeting.

No need to get defensive, PP. The poster you are quoting has some great points and someone might learn something from her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think asking questions will do it, OP. I've tried that.

The only way I've found to detect a micromanaging boss is to be very explicit about what you do and how you do it, and what you can and cannot tolerate in a working environment. When potential employers ask me about previous jobs or what I look for, I talk about how negatively I respond to micromanaging and give some examples ("I don't mind learning how you like the dishwasher loaded, I know sometimes dishes don't get clean if they're loaded improperly, but I would need to feel trusted to handle those sorts of things in general on my own without a lot of direction.") to let them know I don't mind being told what needs to be done or being shown the best way to do something but that I cannot tolerate being micromanaged every day.

If they're micromanagers, this will put you squarely on their list of unsuitable candidates.

If they're not, they won't care and you'll continue to be a potential candidate.

Win-win.

PP here (w/ the twins) and I just wanted to comment on this approach a bit as I think you have to be able to "read" the people with whom you're interviewing to see if you can be this direct. Not everyone will respond positively (as as the poster said - that may tell you what you need about whether they're a fit for you). For me, this approach - unless done EXTREMELY carefully - could feel like someone who has been burned by former employers micromanaging them - which I can understand and sympathize with. But it could come across as fairly rigid and inflexible and that would be unappealing to me. I think a successful nanny match with a family requires flexibility and adaptation on all sides. The nannies have to learn the culture of the family with whom they're working, and the individual particulars of those people, those kids, their needs, etc... The employers have to learn the individual preferences and capabilities of the nanny they're bringing in - what are his/her really strong points, where are the areas where parents and nanny might need to work out a mutually agreed upon approach, etc...

I want that flexibility, consideration, and respect accorded to everyone involved so I would only hire someone who demonstrated those traits in an interview process. So I think you have to be a little bit careful. We all have lessons learned from former jobs, but you have to be careful about how much that colors the way you're perceived in interviews.

Yes, my experience has shown me that presenting myself in this way illustrates my capabilities as a self-starter, a professional, and someone who in fact is extremely observant and adaptable (and my references say as much) and I have never, since I was 19, ended up in a job I was unhappy with nor ended up in a job working for a micromanaging MB. I have had only good experiences for the last 10+ years using this method, so it's worked for me. (Don't know where you got anything about having been "burned," but I never was.)

I think you sound more like a nanny than an MB, so I'm not sure how many nannies you're actually hiring anyway.

Experience colors everyone. It's human nature that can't be denied. My amazing very first MB helped me recognize that this work was my calling. She made me feel like the most respected person in her life. How wise she was. There's nothing I would not do for her or her family.

Anonymous wrote:I don't think asking questions will do it, OP. I've tried that.

The only way I've found to detect a micromanaging boss is to be very explicit about what you do and how you do it, and what you can and cannot tolerate in a working environment. When potential employers ask me about previous jobs or what I look for, I talk about how negatively I respond to micromanaging and give some examples ("I don't mind learning how you like the dishwasher loaded, I know sometimes dishes don't get clean if they're loaded improperly, but I would need to feel trusted to handle those sorts of things in general on my own without a lot of direction.") to let them know I don't mind being told what needs to be done or being shown the best way to do something but that I cannot tolerate being micromanaged every day.

If they're micromanagers, this will put you squarely on their list of unsuitable candidates.

If they're not, they won't care and you'll continue to be a potential candidate.

Win-win.

PP here (w/ the twins) and I just wanted to comment on this approach a bit as I think you have to be able to "read" the people with whom you're interviewing to see if you can be this direct. Not everyone will respond positively (as as the poster said - that may tell you what you need about whether they're a fit for you). For me, this approach - unless done EXTREMELY carefully - could feel like someone who has been burned by former employers micromanaging them - which I can understand and sympathize with. But it could come across as fairly rigid and inflexible and that would be unappealing to me. I think a successful nanny match with a family requires flexibility and adaptation on all sides. The nannies have to learn the culture of the family with whom they're working, and the individual particulars of those people, those kids, their needs, etc... The employers have to learn the individual preferences and capabilities of the nanny they're bringing in - what are his/her really strong points, where are the areas where parents and nanny might need to work out a mutually agreed upon approach, etc...

I want that flexibility, consideration, and respect accorded to everyone involved so I would only hire someone who demonstrated those traits in an interview process. So I think you have to be a little bit careful. We all have lessons learned from former jobs, but you have to be careful about how much that colors the way you're perceived in interviews.

Anonymous wrote:Ask how they like to do things.

Ie if putting away the kids clothing is part of the job, ask "do you have a specific way you like the children's clothing folded? Or does it just need to be folded and away tidily?"

My current MB doesn't care. My previous boss asked me to fold them a specific way (guess who I like working for more?)

I agree with this. When I was interviewing nannies one of them asked me this exact question (how I like things folded) and I was astonished and said I had no idea, and it didn't matter at all as long as they were clean. (I was overjoyed at the prospect of help with the laundry - why on earth would I worry about how things were folded!) I was a first time mother and it never occurred to me to be that detailed in an interview about something I thought seemed like a much less important part of the nanny job. So that question may have been very helpful to the candidate (who we hired and adore). But it also never occurred to me that as flexible as I was with 90% of how things got done, I do have certain non-negotiables - like nap and feeding scheduled w/ my newborn twins. My nanny and I learned on Day 1 that I hadn't been clear about my expectations and that the schedule was not flexible. Easily solved with one quick conversation and never an issue again but it was a big lesson to me.

So my point is, new parents might not know how to think about their management style, or be aware that they might go a little bit nuts when someone else does things differently. So to try to get at what they might be like I think asking a few specific questions is a great idea. Also, try to know what your own non-negotiables are - can you be flexible according to whatever parents want to do with sleep training or do you have a certain way you want to be able to do things? How much freedom/control do you want to be able to exert and in what areas? Then ask a couple of questions around those areas. Maybe they'll have answers ready, or maybe not but either way you'll be able to learn a lot by how they respond.

I don't think asking questions will do it, OP. I've tried that.

The only way I've found to detect a micromanaging boss is to be very explicit about what you do and how you do it, and what you can and cannot tolerate in a working environment. When potential employers ask me about previous jobs or what I look for, I talk about how negatively I respond to micromanaging and give some examples ("I don't mind learning how you like the dishwasher loaded, I know sometimes dishes don't get clean if they're loaded improperly, but I would need to feel trusted to handle those sorts of things in general on my own without a lot of direction.") to let them know I don't mind being told what needs to be done or being shown the best way to do something but that I cannot tolerate being micromanaged every day.

If they're micromanagers, this will put you squarely on their list of unsuitable candidates.

If they're not, they won't care and you'll continue to be a potential candidate.

Win-win.

Since everyone has a different definition of what constitutes 'micromanaging', I think 11:09 is correct. Ask how they like to do things. If there are too many details for you, it won't be a match and you should move on.

Ask how they like to do things.

Ie if putting away the kids clothing is part of the job, ask "do you have a specific way you like the children's clothing folded? Or does it just need to be folded and away tidily?"

My current MB doesn't care. My previous boss asked me to fold them a specific way (guess who I like working for more?)

For me it makes more sense to let parents know how I do things. If that's not what they want, thank you very much.

Also, my references will convey that don't hesitate to do whatever is best for the child in any given situation.

Nannies tend to be either:
1. Able to "take charge" sort of person
....that's why the child is called your "charge"
2. "Doormat" sort of person
....you really don't know what to do unless you've been specifically told

In my opinion, clear thinking parents should opt for the first. There will always be circumstances that no one anticipated, and you want the nanny to have the intelligence, experience and confidence to make the best decision in the moment.

The "doormat" is fine for a Mother's helper when constant direction is available.

Whenever there's a new nanny, of course she must first learn the nature of the child and the family dynamics, before it's clear what the child needs. And then she must be a diligent observer to recognize the child's developing needs as time goes on.

It should be said that hiring a nanny requires a certain amount of relinquishing "control". Not all parents are ready for this and should not become absent. Many problems arise from this unsolved dilemma, as it's virtually impossible to be in control and absent at the same time. Hence, the negative connotation of "absentee management".

If they give you directions on how they like things to be done (how to cut something up, how to put things into the dishwasher, if you have to put something in right away instead of waiting until later) or if they act like clothes have to be changed if the tiniest bit of something gets on them, if they freak out about the smallest thing, if they demand that you wash your hands before you can hold the baby BEFORE you even have a chance to ask to wash your hands first...

How to detect a possible micromanaging mb/db during your first interview?