I agree that it is not a good idea to skip ahead to such things before a telephone conversation at least first.

I would simply pass on the families that respond in this manner and move on.

They obviously have no clue in hiring a nanny.

This pisses me off too!

I think its like when parents get emails asking "how much do you pay?".

I have worked all over the world and I don't want my previous bosses to be getting 100 calls. Especially as people often forget the time difference!

I personally hate it when families offer me an interview without answering any of my questions or telling me details about the job. No one wants to drive or take the bus way across town just to hear that the family wants something that is a deal breaker for you!!

No there is no reason to salvage this. You do NOT want to work for these people.

Don't bother trying to salvage it OP. This person has shown their true colors. They only care about what works for them, with no consideration for you or your references. There are great families out there, and they don't behave this way. I also hold off on references until after a meeting, and families that can't respect that are not worth my/my references time.

Anonymous wrote:If I was your former MB, I would not want to be contacted by people you had not yet meet. You might not even want the job. You are doing the right thing, even if there are some crazies out there.

Oh absolutely. I'm holding fast in my refusal to give the contact info at this stage of the game. At this point I'm wondering if I should just cut off contact with this person entirely, or if there's a way to salvage this.

If I was your former MB, I would not want to be contacted by people you had not yet meet. You might not even want the job. You are doing the right thing, even if there are some crazies out there.

OP again. I replied to the parent saying that for privacy reasons I don't give out contact information for my references until I've talked with a family further and made plans to meet with them, but that I'd love to hear more about his family and child care needs.

The response was "Looking for somebody who has a background check and can provide references.
Thank you for your time." That's it.

I have both of these things, but at this point I'm wondering point it's even worth trying to salvage this.

Anonymous wrote:I just explain to potential clients that I do not give out my references until after an in person interview. Most if not all do not give me any problems with this and most totally understand. It's not a big deal to decline giving up references.

+1. Most families understand and respect me for doing my due diligence when it comes to finding the right fit for myself as well.

I just explain to potential clients that I do not give out my references until after an in person interview. Most if not all do not give me any problems with this and most totally understand. It's not a big deal to decline giving up references.

PP again. Just wanted to note that even though you are talking about occasional sitting jobs, this doesn't make the parents any less wary of leaving their children with a stranger. It just means that they are less able to justify putting a lot of time into the screening process. Hence, the candidates who makes it easy for them tend to get the jobs.

I can't remember which of these sites does this, but on at least one of them, when I get an email informing me that someone has applied for the job, I immediately get a second email from the site operator transmitting a link to the candidate's background check. Is it possible that the parents are just clicking through the background check email and you are getting an automated notice of that fact from the site?

Beyond that, as an MB, I would not be at all put off if you emailed back and said politely that, out of respect for your references or concern for your personal information, you'd prefer to learn a little more about the position before making that information available. Offer to make yourself available for a quick phone call or provide additional work history by email.

In the meantime, be mindful of the fact that most parents who post on the nanny sites get overwhelmed with responses. The parents who are immediately requesting your background info may have felt that they couldn't really get a sense of who you are from your profile, and they simply don't have time to engage in a lot of dialogue to fill in those gaps.

To improve the odds of getting a personal response, include a clean-cut looking photo and a well-written cover letter (even if you use almost the same form over and over). Instead of just saying that you have ten years of experience and that you love children, list your childcare experience in reverse chronological order, providing dates, city of work, the number of children, job duties, hours, etc. It helps parents quickly differentiate between the people who truly have quality experience and those who are claiming years of experience based on having helped with a nephew on occasional Saturdays during high school.

As far as references go, you might want to ask some of yours to write up letters singing your praises. My current nanny got the job in large part because immediately after I contacted her, she emailed me a formal resume and a packet of glowing reference letters. Between the content of the reference letters and her professional approach to the process, it became clear very quickly that she is a find. We did eventually ask for phone numbers so we could verify the references, but based on the quality of her application, we felt comfortable investing time in getting to know her before doing that.

Anonymous wrote:It's just another indication of how the MBs on those sites tend to be lower quality (not 100% of the time).

OP here, I've actually had a lot of great experiences with the FT families I've found on them. I just think that the pool of people looking to hire occasional sitters are in general MUCH less experienced in hiring someone to care for their kids.

It's just another indication of how the MBs on those sites tend to be lower quality (not 100% of the time).

I'm currently trying to build up some occasional sitting jobs, so I've been applying a lot on care/sittercity. Lately I've found that several families are skipping passed pleasantries and asking immediately for meetings, references, etc. before even saying hello! I'll apply to the job, and the very first piece of correspondance I get back from them willl be one of the automated requests for references or a background check. I've considered that something more fishy may be going on, but nothing else about the postings seem to indicate a scam. I think it is probably driven by the fact that these families are looking for occasional sitters relatively soon, and so they're eager to lock someone in quickly and don't realize how these requests come across.

So, I guess my question is how to delicately and politely say that I don't feel comfortable giving out so much personal information so soon in our conversations without outright killing the opportunity.