Anonymous wrote:Why on earth did you "ask" him 5 times to stop jumping? After the FIRST time in a dangerous situation like that, you stop asking. You tell him to stop jumping. Stern voice. Sit or get off the couch.

+1

Also there is no need to badger children the way you were doing either. As soon as they demonstrate verbally or with body language that they understand the connection between their choice and the consequence that ensued, in this case being hurt, you can move on. He had already gotten the point.

I think anytime your not Suzy Sunshine when guiding young children and parents hear it's uncomfortable, but often children ignore that nice friendly voice! Definitely you want to say something once at most twice and then approach the child to deal with being ignored. This should always be done calmly, but with assertive words and a firm, but gentle hand if needed. it's best to find and new activity or transition onto the next thing after you've stated your point; ie, "it looks like your ok, I'm sorry you got hurt, but it's not safe to jump on the couch. Let's go was our hands for lunch." Moving on is the best way to go, you can turn the mood around with your words. It's not necessary to feel guilty, but you should work on your positive guidance skills so even if MB is listening you'll feel good about how you've handled a situation. We are not perfect, but it's helpful to pick up a guidance book at library and refresh your thoughts and skills.

I never repeat myself if the child heard me.

The more you do it, the more you are *expected* to do it.

Error was in not asserting your authority when kid was disobeying you by continuing to jump.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be very upset if my nanny were saying something as lame as "use your words." Also, it sounds like he got your point. You don't have to make him say it to know that. He made it clear he was ashamed by hiding his head behind his knees. Move on.

Why would you be upset by a nanny saying "use your words"? That is pretty common when a child has specific emotions or wants something, and CAN talk but is not currently doing so. It is very important for them to understand that verbally speaking what is going on in their minds is an essential part of communication with people. If they understand what an adult is saying, they should be answering with a simple "yes", "yes, I understand" or "yes, I now realize why you asked/told me X". Unless they are so young that they have a harder time understanding and getting their points across, but I think we are talking about a kid that can. Letting an adult just speak AT them does them no good. They need to be part of the conversation and communicate WITH other people.

Because kids are not short adults and articulating their thoughts and feelings is not their strong suit. "Use your words" is a lame thing to say and I hate it. The OP seems to go over and over all the wrong things. She should have told him ONCE to stop jumping on the couch. The second time she needed to say it should have been when she stopped him.

Why on earth did you "ask" him 5 times to stop jumping? After the FIRST time in a dangerous situation like that, you stop asking. You tell him to stop jumping. Stern voice. Sit or get off the couch.

That's a good point. I just wanted him to connect action to consequence since neither I nor his parents can be there to prevent every fall. I did my best to comfort him but to me a small bruise is not a huge deal.

You were badgering him instead of comforting him after he got hurt. You should have prevented the fall instead of giving him the "I told you so" bit.

Anonymous wrote:I would be very upset if my nanny were saying something as lame as "use your words." Also, it sounds like he got your point. You don't have to make him say it to know that. He made it clear he was ashamed by hiding his head behind his knees. Move on.

Why would you be upset by a nanny saying "use your words"? That is pretty common when a child has specific emotions or wants something, and CAN talk but is not currently doing so. It is very important for them to understand that verbally speaking what is going on in their minds is an essential part of communication with people. If they understand what an adult is saying, they should be answering with a simple "yes", "yes, I understand" or "yes, I now realize why you asked/told me X". Unless they are so young that they have a harder time understanding and getting their points across, but I think we are talking about a kid that can. Letting an adult just speak AT them does them no good. They need to be part of the conversation and communicate WITH other people.

To be honest, that's the entire point of asking him to use his words. Neither you nor I know exactly what he was thinking, he could have been ashamed because he noticed his mom was watching him or he could be angry at me, or he could be upset that he had hurt himself. I don't know how he's feeling, so I was asking him to talk to me so I could know what is going through his head. Even a simple nod would have been fine. I'm not a mindreader, lol.

I would be very upset if my nanny were saying something as lame as "use your words." Also, it sounds like he got your point. You don't have to make him say it to know that. He made it clear he was ashamed by hiding his head behind his knees. Move on.

No. Dont feel guilty!

One time, I told DC she couldnt stand on this piece of furniture in the playroom b/c i didnt think it was safe. She starts crying and MB runs downstairs, whirls around when she gets to DC and asks whats wrong, accusingly. I told her why she was upset, and she literally gave me such a scathingly angry look, and nearly hissed "she can stand up there" in a "duh" kind-of voice, as if i was a cruel monster to not let her do such a thing! It took me aback so much so that i kind-of panicked and said 'well, she was also pulling those [letter stickers on the wall] off, and wouldnt stop when i asked her to, sooo...' lol, i felt like i needed more justification in my actions so i totally made that up! However, MB responded to that explanation more so than the sheer safety of staying-off-the-furniture-reason, so i guess it helped?

I think your mistake was asking him 3-4 times. In matters of safety I do not ask my charges to do something, I tell them what needs to happen. And if they do not listen and I have to tell them a second time, then I am intervening and a time out might be necessary.

But no, I don't feel like this is something you should feel guilty about. Hopefully now DC has learned his lesson about jumping on the couch, and perhaps you've learned yours about being more assertive.

Not badly hurt by any means, but he did get a small bruise.

He had been repeatedly jumping on the couch, kicking his legs up in the air as I was trying to make a snack for him and his younger brother. Younger brother has complex special needs and requires a lot of intervention. Asked DC to please stop jumping 3-4x, said jokingly "DC if you do that, you might hurt yourself, I don't want that to happen" on the fifth time I heard a "thunk" and he had banged his knee on the arm of the couch.

Immediate tears. I calmed him down a bit, told him there was no blood and he would survive. I picked him up, spun him around for a ride in the "waaahmbulance" and sat him down on the couch. I tried talking to him about why we make safe choices, and if he learned anything about the consequences of his actions. He grew quieter and quieter and almost hid his face behind his knee. He wouldn't talk to me, so I had to ask repeatedly, "can you use your words, can you look at me please." I eventually said "Ok, if you don't want to talk that's fine." I get up and MB is standing right behind me, quietly, with her eyebrows raised. She said in a quiet voice "do you not want to use your words, DS?" The way she said it made me almost feel guilty, I know I wasn't doing anything "bad", but I was trying to help her son see the connection between making safe choices and what happens when you don't make safe choices.

I'm not perfect and I don't pretend to be. Maybe i'm overthinking this, but for some reason I felt guilty? Like I didn't handle it right or something. MB didn't have anything to say or any remarks but at the same time I wonder if I should have handled it differently.