Anonymous wrote:Hello. We are the other family referenced in the OP's query. We had hoped very much to discuss the nanny share logistics face to face with the the OP, but to do their legitimately busy schedules, they have not been able to meet with us. There is always room for misunderstanding in e-mail exchanges, especially when it comes to something as important is kids and home, and this case is no different. We are deeply saddened by the responses and the outcome of our share, since the last year has been a wondeful experience, with our girls acting as sisters and, we had thought, a nice collaboration between the families. For one year of something very special to end over a misunderstood exchange and, worse, to see our personal interactions placed on this board and in this way...sigh.

You think there is less room for misunderstanding on an anonimous forum board?

::makes popcorn::

Share family - everyone here is anonymous. That means you are too. No one knows you. It is odd to post here replying to the thread in this way.

Anonymous wrote:Hello. We are the other family referenced in the OP's query. We had hoped very much to discuss the nanny share logistics face to face with the the OP, but to do their legitimately busy schedules, they have not been able to meet with us. There is always room for misunderstanding in e-mail exchanges, especially when it comes to something as important is kids and home, and this case is no different. We are deeply saddened by the responses and the outcome of our share, since the last year has been a wondeful experience, with our girls acting as sisters and, we had thought, a nice collaboration between the families. For one year of something very special to end over a misunderstood exchange and, worse, to see our personal interactions placed on this board and in this way...sigh.

What is the point in posting this? You are not compelled to defend yourself because none of us has any idea who you are. A better, more mature choice would be to speak to the other family directly.

Hello. We are the other family referenced in the OP's query. We had hoped very much to discuss the nanny share logistics face to face with the the OP, but to do their legitimately busy schedules, they have not been able to meet with us. There is always room for misunderstanding in e-mail exchanges, especially when it comes to something as important is kids and home, and this case is no different. We are deeply saddened by the responses and the outcome of our share, since the last year has been a wondeful experience, with our girls acting as sisters and, we had thought, a nice collaboration between the families. For one year of something very special to end over a misunderstood exchange and, worse, to see our personal interactions placed on this board and in this way...sigh.

I'd tell her you want $ for losing the convenience of not having to get your child up & moving and drop her off every day. Your commute costs more now so they should compensate for having that benefit.

Is that ridiculous? Yes, because in the end there are benefits & drawbacks to hosting or not. The other family is being ridiculous, greedy and difficult. Take the nanny & find a new family.

OP here - after many emails and several calls with the other family, they now claim that they absolutely do want to host and have backed off their request to have us pay for the cleaning when I told them that was a dealbreaker for us. I'm still not sure if this will work as I think both of us will eventually become unhappy with the arrangement but since I am the one who is moving and said I wanted to try to keep the two girls together, I feel compelled to give it a try. That said, can anyone recommend a good way to find a nanny share in Bethesda in case I need to go down that road?

I have hosted for years - this request is ridiculous. Nanny should clean up after the kids - that's a normal part of the job. Yes, things may get a bit grimier in non-kid specific ways, but not so bad from simply adding 2 or 3 extra days of hosting.
what you will need to adjust:
1) if you want nanny to do laundry, send detergent once every other month or so
2) send wipes/diapers every couple weeks to help balance that cost. nanny can help w/ suggestion on what would be fair.
3) send food and milk for your kid, which you may already do.

personally i love hosting and would gladly pay extra for the privilege to host. I HATE having to pack up the kids for days when it's been at another fmaily's house more than once in a blue moon. But if the other family sees it as a burden they will not be happy - it absolutely sucks to have to find a new share family but that may be what you need to do.

If hosting is such a pain for them, call their bluff and offer to host instead. But really, I think you need to find a new option, because they sound like a pain and trying to take advantage of you.

Can you turn it around and simply offer to always host? Then that robs them of the wear and tear argument and gives you the benefit of never having to schlep kids and gear.

It does sound like maybe this arrangement is deteriorating though and you might need to look for a new option.

OP here. Thanks for confirming that I'm not being unreasonable. I reread the other family's email to me and they actually wrote that they are not even sure that the extra $160 in cleanings will address their concerns about the "challenges" of hosting. This makes me even less receptive to the idea. Since I prefer hosting to the inconvenience of schlepping my child on the metro, I've countered with continuing to split the hosting duties. I was going to offer to just give extra money to the nanny to do some additional clean up but the nanny told me this morning that she offered as much already to the other family (when they told her about their request that we pay for more cleanings) and they told her that they didn't need her to take on the extra task of something like using a swiffer on the floor at the end of the day. This makes me believe they are just extracting money out of us for a reason that is unrelated to any mess my daughter makes.

MB here, ridiculous request in my opinion. Obviosuly the host family gets the benefit of not having to schlep their child back and forth (and the related cost of perhaps more wear and tear on their place). I understand that toddlers make a mess, I have a 15 month old myself, but in our nanny share, the nanny does a nice job of straightening up everything and our normal house keeping schedule works just fine (we never needed to up it). Perhaps you could make the following suggestions if you like your partners, like your nanny and want to continue: (a) say that you'll take care of your toddler's laundry, or say you'll bring over detergent from time to time, and (b) ask the nanny to do a bit more pick up, obviously only on kid-related messes - i.e. ask her to vacuum the kid related areas daily - and direct that $160 that the family wants from you into a raise to compensate her. A raise of 1 dollar per hour for one or two daily chores seems reasonable, you'll be supporting your nanny woth more income, and you'll be confident that you are not subsidizing non-kid related house cleaning for your share partners. Just some food for thought.

It is absolutely not the norm. If anything, any extra costs incurred by the hosting family are compensated by the benefit of extra chores the nanny may do around their house (not yours). I was a part of the infant nanny share where the other family hosted, and I was always slightly jealous of her always-picked-up house and her husband's ironed shirts. The nanny was the sort that HAD to do something at all times.

Not the norm at all. There are pros and cons to hosting, but that's what you take on when you choose to host in a share. How would you feel about becoming the full time host instead of sharing hosting duties? If their concern is truly wear and tear, then that solution should work for them, but they likely don't want to give up the convenience. They sound really selfish OP

I am in a nanny share and we currently split hosting duties with the other family. We share the cost of the items that both kids use like diapers, wipes, etc. We are moving to place where it no longer makes sense to split hosting but want to keep it going do the other family is willing to host. However, in discussing the details tonight, the other family mentioned that they now want increase the frequency of their cleaning lady if they host and want us to pay the additional cost- $160 per month. They say the place is much dirtier when they have both toddlers and that the cleaning lady will do my daughters laundry (ie just her pack n play sheet). I was completely caught off guard and said I'd have to get back to them. I know a place will get dirtier quicker when more people are there but I think it is unreasonable to ask me to pay half the cost of their cleaning lady who will be cleaning all sorts of items and places my daughter doesn't touch/use like their bathroom or bedroom. I know it can dirtier with the kids there which is why I vacuum myself in between cleanings. Am I being unreasonable or is this the norm in nanny shares when one family does all the hosting?