We let our AP's pick both weeks but we encourage them to choose weeks when the kids are in school all week so it is easier for us to cover childcare (our school has a drop-in childcare. We also don't mind them taking long weekends instead of full weeks, as long as we all keep track of the days.

One more thing, just read the other AP extended with the family... they can't be that bad then or is she is sucker for punshiment?

Hi OP,

I am glad your worked things out for you and your AP, you sound very considerate! I posted upthread about limited vacations etc., don't know why I got grief about it not all being about me? (I get 10 vacation days a year and have no family close by).

Anyway, I wanted to mention that we as HF have to be careful about what we hear of other families. It is amazing how reality gets construed by the APs: For example, our AP clogged the toilet with tampons and did not tell us that the toilet kept overflowing etc. until a pipe backed up and sewage water came through her exterior door (English basesment room) into her room. However, when telling her friends she only mentioned the pipe and water in her room not that she actually caused the problem. So, I am sure in other APs' (and HFs') eyes we look like a horrible family. Please keep this in mind when you hear about the other family.

OP here. Thanks for listening. It was really just a vent. I constantly hear stories about the other family and it frustrates me to no end. They nickel and dime the other AP, make her work most weekends, extra hours, etc. It frustrates me to see people being such jerks to the AP, especially when she takes such good care of their infant.

Anyway, we will be flexible, but I did tell our AP we may not be able to be so flexible again. My MIL has graciously offered to fill in on the days AP wants off.

I'm just frustrated that the other family are jerks, yet they always seem to get what they want.

OP, PP here. Sorry I misread your earlier post. While it would be hard, I would still probably accommodate the AP. FWIW, I try to be more flexible when the AP friend works with five and under children as those parents usually have fewer child care options.

OP, sounds tough. I would have a hard time with it. While it would be a major inconvenience, I would also be happy for the au pair having a chance to travel with another family. We are not able to take our AP on all our family trips (and some years none), so I would probably try to do whatever I could to accommodate her...if she were a great au pair. I would not move much for one who was not. My new policy is to terminate with anyone who just goes through the motion without any valid extenuating circumstance.

Good luck!

I have always chosen one and let her chose one.

Anonymous wrote:We give one week of the AP's choosing and one week at our choosing. I don't understand why you are upset with the other HF? In the US people don't get much vacation time so if they are inflexible, it may be due to that. Also, why does your AP have to travel with this friend at a time that doesn't work for her and you? I think your frustration is misdirected because you don't want to be a "jerk." (Which you wouldn't be for doing what works best for your family).

Life does not revolve around you and your precious family! OP understands this, hence her dilemma. You and the other host family do not, hence why selfish people create these dilemmas for those of us choose to consider the needs of all people not just our own. The AP is here to experience this country not just to work for you, so yes some flexibility in allowing her to travel with her friend is what a nice thoughtful person would do. OP I don't think your family should be the one always bending, however. Do you know the other HF?

We give one week of the AP's choosing and one week at our choosing. I don't understand why you are upset with the other HF? In the US people don't get much vacation time so if they are inflexible, it may be due to that. Also, why does your AP have to travel with this friend at a time that doesn't work for her and you? I think your frustration is misdirected because you don't want to be a "jerk." (Which you wouldn't be for doing what works best for your family).

OP - ignore the poster who feels the need to be a jerk instead of being helpful. We let our AP choose both weeks because we don't have a week that we go away without her. It's perfectly normal to dictate at least one of the weeks if you're going to be gone anyway and a lot of host families do that.

I'd always wondered how it works though because all my my APs have travelled with a friend during their weeks off. Especially when it's been a friend from their home country, it's been very dictated by the friend's ability to get off work or during their spring break or something.

In your case since she's extending and you really like her, I'd give her the week she chooses and suck up all the vacation. I'd feel upset about it too though, so I understand. But if let her know that next year, to please plan to take her vacation during one of the weeks you've told her about it - basically, you're giving her an out, but won't do it again.

For future APs, you would be completely fair to say that you off four weeks total off (which is very generous). Three of them will be in the summer at your choosing and the other one she can choose and clarify that you will make no exceptions so don't ask. Believe me, having an extra two weeks off is very rare. The right AP will be thrilled.

We take more than 4 weeks of vacation, so we do tell our AP her weeks. We take 2 weeks in the summer consequetively so she has plenty of time to travel.

We have an awesome relationship with our AP.

Anonymous wrote:Why not consider your children and their family helper, and forget about what other families seem to be doing.

OP here. I'm trying to work it out for my AP, who we truly love. I want to do right by her and I want her to be happy. We will make adjustments for her, but I'm trying to understand if most families are choosing vacations for their APs. It seems terribly unfair to me that we have to rearrange our schedules twice in a year so that another family can have both of their preferred weeks. Also, both APs just extended. I'm concerned that next year we will again get stuck accommodating the other family. It seems that they should be a little more flexible. I've never heard of a family choosing both weeks so I'm curious how widespread this is.

Anonymous wrote:Why not consider your children and their family helper, and forget about what other families seem to be doing.

Because she is trying to do right by her AP and ensure she has a chance to travel with her friend?

OP, I can't answer your question but I think your AP will be very grateful you're adjusting things on her behalf.

Why not consider your children and their family helper, and forget about what other families seem to be doing.

Do you allow your AP to choose her own vacation weeks or do you choose one (or both) for her?

We have traditionally allowed our AP to choose, but changed our plan this year because there are 3 weeks during the summer that we don't need care. We told our AP she could choose one of those 3 weeks over the summer if she wanted a week off during the summer (in the fall or winter, she could have her choice). Her friend's family has chosen BOTH weeks for their AP this year and will only allow their AP (my AP's travel companion) to have the week before one of our selected weeks off. (The first week our AP took off this year was also the one chosen by her friend's family and was not terribly convenient for us, but workable so we didn't complain.) So now we have to be jerks and say AP can't travel with her friend or we have to give her off a week that is inconvenient for us. I think we're going to be nice and make arrangements for other care that week so AP can travel with her friend, but it means AP gets that week off plus 3 other weeks off in the summer. It's kind of frustrating that the other family is so inflexible and it seems incredibly unfair that they dictate to their AP the 2 weeks she can have off. Most families give the AP some flexibility. I'm curious if I'm just a sucker and everybody chooses both weeks for their AP.