Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately the pay and time driving to the city would just not be worth it for me. I would spend $400 month on gas and 20 hours/week commuting! All of the jobs I see pay around $10/ hour. Daycare would pay even less. I guess I could try finding a job and living in the city. I just don't know if the pay would cover all my bills. Having a daycare in our apartment wouldn't be possible since we live in graduate housing. And god forbid what if something happened to my husband? Here, if something happened to my job, I'd be able to get another one tomorrow.

Thanks so much for everyone's advice. I really don't know what to do about this. Everything is one big question mark right now. I get so resentful about this whole situation. I thought I would be able to finish coursework at his university because we thought his pay would be much more. He's bettering himself and I'm just 'babysitting' as my family and friends say. I really,really wish I could take some coursework

You could stay in the city during the week, at least you can see him on weekends. Beats seeing each other only 1-2 times/ year. It's a choice.

I don't mean resentment in a rude way. He's just living with a clear purpose. To finish his PhD/ work as a teaching assistant and that purpose isn't entirely about me. I think its natural to feel this way? I wasn't really doing anything in Georgia because I couldn't work. Also everyone around us was a student, which was annoying because they didn't understand why I wasn't in school too .

Unfortunately the pay and time driving to the city would just not be worth it for me. I would spend $400 month on gas and 20 hours/week commuting! All of the jobs I see pay around $10/ hour. Daycare would pay even less. I guess I could try finding a job and living in the city. I just don't know if the pay would cover all my bills. Having a daycare in our apartment wouldn't be possible since we live in graduate housing. And god forbid what if something happened to my husband? Here, if something happened to my job, I'd be able to get another one tomorrow.

Thanks so much for everyone's advice. I really don't know what to do about this. Everything is one big question mark right now. I get so resentful about this whole situation. I thought I would be able to finish coursework at his university because we thought his pay would be much more. He's bettering himself and I'm just 'babysitting' as my family and friends say. I really,really wish I could take some coursework

PP here:

Also, if this is a rural town, is there a big city nearby. Like even 2 hours away. That way you can nanny or work at a daycare during the week and at least do weekends together. My hubby and I did weekends together for a couple of months before he got a job where I lived, and it was hard, but at least we saw each other and had some married time togehter!

I agree with the daycare job, or watching children in your home. It may not be a lot of money, but cost of living will be lower, and you will be with your husband.

Honestly, money comes and goes, but a year away from your husband is a lot when it's only money keeping you apart. ESPECIALLY because you will be fine financially if you move back (you may not be rich, but you will be okay).

If your able to move back, consider a daycare job, or offering to watch children in your home? Good luck I hope your back soon with your husband

OP here: in this rural area it's nearly impossible to find a job.

I may save $ and move back after a year or so. He still has 3 years left. I miss him immensely I'm so unhappy without him .

If the job is really the only thing keeping you here then you should move. Save for a few months so you dont need to work right away, then move down there and apply broadly: nanny, daycare worker, office, etc.

You need to talk to your husband about this.

How many more years does he have left in his program?
How long would it take you to save enough for a car?

Knowing only what you posted I would say it sounds like this is a short-term solution but you want to have a set date for when you'll move back to be with him, and I'd recommend within 8-12 months. Save aggressively while you're in DC but you're right, loved ones aren't around forever and a PhD program is a big strain. It will mean a lot to him to have you there helping him through it.

My husband lives in another state in the south . I see him at most twice a year. He is pursuing a PhD program in a small college town and there aren't nanny jobs there or any jobs for that matter . We had a misunderstanding about his salary after I moved out of state with him . We found out later his salary included tuition!! After paying monthly expenses he has maybe $200 left over. I had to move back to dc and now I have a full time nanny job. I'm able to save around $500 /month. I just kind of feel like I need to move back but at the same time, it's hard giving up the financial security of this area. I could maybe find a nanny job once I buy a car. Unfortunately the pay is very low in this particular area for any hourly job. I really only have nanny experience. I haven't worked anywhere else. Here, if something happened to my job, I'd be able to get another one tomorrow.

Just look for some general thoughts about being far from family and depression . I feel like if I stayed here, it would be like saying that my career was more important than my family. It's just a job. Loved ones aren't around forever.