OP - here is something to help

http://www.nannynetwork.com/Library/Parentlib/live-in-nanny-tips.cfm

OP, I agree that you should have this discussion ASAP. Also, figure out what you want. I have had employers who didn't want to see me, ever and employers who felt rejected if I didn't want to join them for dinner after a 12 hour shift. Both are problematic. Figure out what you want. I recomment giving her a laundry day (e.g., Saturday) and telling her that the reat of the family won't do any laundry on that day so that she can do hers without putting you out (this also cuts down on the likelihood that she will need to do a load at the same time that you need to do one on other days.

As for the kitchen, she will be in there. If you try to put major restrictions on when or how she can eat, this arrangement will go south fast. But, if she has a mini-fridge and microwave in her suite, then there will be less need for her to be in your space for snacks and some meals. You should decide whether your priority is keeping food in the kithen or avoiding a traffic jam around the toaster.

I agree that you should have addressed these concerns before hiring her. It isn't fair to her that you are not 100% comfortable with this set-up. Now it is too late and you are stuck. I mean....it would be unfair to fire her now.

Since she is living in YOUR home OP, she is an employee/resident.
So even if she is home during her off hours, she has every right to use the shared kitchen within reason. (Meaning no 3AM cooking, etc.) She has every right to spend as much time as she wants at home and if it really makes you uncomfortable, then that is your fault.

Expect her to use the laundry and kitchen in the same manner as you do.

For both your sakes, let's hope this set-up works well.
It seems you already have some issues and she hasn't even moved in yet.

Hi OP! I'm a live-in and this was my first live-in position as well as my MB and DB's first nanny period so it was a big adjustment for all of us. It was a little awkward at first...more so for me because I didn't want to feel intrusive on their space so I spent a lot of time in my room and going to the kitchen was kind of awkward. A few weeks in I started to feel more comfortable. Now I've been here almost two years and we all eat dinner together and sit in the living room and watch movies together every night. So you can say it definitely got better with time! Now I'm not saying that's the relationship you should have or will have with you nanny...if you don't want that, that's fine too.. my point was just that it will be awkward for all of you at first but if it's a good fit things will start to feel normal once everyone finds their routine again. Good luck!!

Is she from out of state or abroad?

The more attention you (and the nanny) pay to these details in the beginning, the better. It's good to get everyone's concerns/wishes out on the table early on - then you can work it all out. If you wait until later you'll have developed habits you'll then have to break, built up concerns or frustrations, etc...

Just sit down and talk about expectations, how the nanny has done this in the past and what worked well in those instances, what your family habits (and wishes) are.

If you want her to feel welcome to join you for dinner sometimes, or if you want to keep dinner just the family, or if you expect to include her in holiday (or whatever) celebrations, what space in the fridge is hers, if you want her to try to get laundry done before 11 pm because the dryer is really loud, or whatever.... Are you ok w/ her having guests (overnight or otherwise) and/or are there limits you want to place on that. Are her guests welcome in the common areas of the house?

You'll work it out, I'm sure - but the more conversation the sooner the better.

Treat her the way you would want someone to treat you or your daughter...

Anonymous wrote:A bit late, don't you think?

Why? She's never had a live-in and wants to know what to expect. Why so judgemental? She asked for advice, if you don't have anything useful for her why make her feel worse? Does it make you feel good about yourself?

OP - I'm sorry, I've never had a live-in or I would be happy to give you some advice.

A bit late, don't you think?

These are things you should have talked about before you hired her, but I recognize you're new to the process and didn't know. Has she been a live-in before? Nannies and families all have different preferences, so the key is to find one who matches yours. If she's nannied before let her know how embarrassed you are that this is so new to you but you realize you failed to talk about a couple of significant issues, and then ask her - where do you like you spend your free time? do you eat dinner with the family on days you're not working? do you like to do a lot of cooking? etc.

I'm just getting a little nervous about whether we made the right decision or not and how much we will feel the impact on our personal space/ ie will we feel uncomfortable in our own home kind of thing. She will have a "suite" in our finished basement but shared laundry and kitchen on our main floor. She will not be on duty during the evenings unless we are not home, so I'm not sure if she will be out and about or hanging around the house. Any tips or just things to know to make the transition smooth? Not sure why I'm getting nervous.. just the unknown I guess!