It sounds tough OP. It sounds like you really like and trust and value this woman. But it also sounds like she's been pressing for more money since you hired her.

At some point that gets old, hard to endure, and puts you in the position of always feeling guilty/penny-pinching and anxious that she will leave.

It may be time for the conversation about understanding fully if she needs to move on. That's fair.

Also, FWIW, I live in lower MoCo - just outside the beltway. I have twin toddlers. My nanny has been with us for more than a year (since they were babies) and she is fantastic. I hope she's with us for years. She works 50 hrs/wk and is salaried. On the books, contribution to healthcare, 2 wks vacation, 5 sick days, all federal holidays. We pay her significantly less than you are offering, but that also gives us room for generous raises, bonuses, perks, etc... I won't go into specifics because I'm weary of the flaming that results. But you can find great childcare for your family for less than you are paying - if you need to. You can also absolutely spend whatever you need/can afford/choose to pay for the nanny you know and trust.

But it sounds like you might be at a tipping point and if you are you don't have to feel like you won't be able to find another nanny. You will.

Honestly I think the odds of a change working out in a financially positive way are better for you than for your nanny but that's a risk she'll have to calculate taking or not. I just don't want you to feel that you are not being fair or appropriate or have anything whatsoever to feel guilty about.

It sounds like neither of you is truly happy with this arrangement. I wouldn't want to keep having the salary discussion either, and I would wonder why she took the job in the first place if she felt so underpaid.

It might be time to sit down and have a real talk with her about where you are in terms of compensation (that you have maxed out with the $1.25 raise), and where she thinks she ought to be and when. If those ideas don't match up, then you both need to move on.

FWIW, in close-in Silver Spring, I am paying $18/hr for 3 children all at home (similar benefits). My nanny does not have as much experience as yours, and I am home part time so we share a lot of the work. I would not go over $20, however, and I would not be able to offer raises every year at $20. At the same time, I wouldn't have hired someone who was willing to lower her rate for us, because I would have anticipated this problem.

Thanks, all -- except whoever posted the $18.75 comment. I appreciate the help and guidance. Even if we could find a way to increase to what our nanny wants (which we can't -- I haven't had a raise in 3 years due to government restrictions), I'm concerned about her wanting more and more increases in the next year or two (as has been the case so far) that aren't within normal range. We will be back in this same position again.

$18.75/Hr is only $39,000/yr. This is barely enough to live on after taxes. She is taking care of your childten not walking your dog. I hope she finds another job and makes enough money to have a decent life.

you're already paying well above market. Your only way to not continue to do that is to find a new nanny

Anonymous wrote:I don't think either of you are being unreasonable. You're both within the standard range of raises for a new child. You happen to be on the low side and your nanny happens to be on the high side. It is perfectly within your right to decide your finances cannot handle the higher wage. But it's also your nanny's right to decide it's time for her to move on. It's a tricky situation, good luck navigating it.

+1

Just tell her what you told us - that you adore her, you think she is worth her weight in gold, but you are completely stretched and can't afford to pay her more than X but you don't want to lose her. You can then, if you want, ask her if more PTO/a contribution to her healthcare coverage/whatever you might want to offer would help.

I will say that nannies getting raises for additional children is entirely an American phenomenon - this doesn't happen in other countries. However, your nanny may feel that she's been underpaid for a while and the raise she's requested will put her where she feels she needs to/ought to be. Or she might just be trying to milk you for more money - we don't know her, we can't really tell. But you can only do what you can do, and you are certainly not underpaying in terms of market rate so even if you did lose this nanny, you'd be able to get another excellent one without needing to up your offer.

I don't think either of you are being unreasonable. You're both within the standard range of raises for a new child. You happen to be on the low side and your nanny happens to be on the high side. It is perfectly within your right to decide your finances cannot handle the higher wage. But it's also your nanny's right to decide it's time for her to move on. It's a tricky situation, good luck navigating it.

Some parents value stability in their family life.

I think your pay is generous. Your oldest is 6. Basically she's caring for a toddler and an infant. IMO she's already overpaid

the

If she's really a great nanny, there's probably a family who'd pay her 25. for one child. If I was OP, I'd try to keep her and cut some other expense. That's just me. I'd want to stability.

If she has another job offer at the same price for fewer children, she should take it, right? Look, have a heart-to-heart talk with her. Tell her what you told us, and see what she says. Why would she think you can afford more, if you really can't?

MB here, so can only answer from that perspective, but I think you are being very fair and reasonable.

Like the PP said, perhaps there are other things you could consider adding that would appeal to your nanny, but I don't think you need to. It sounds like you bumped her significantly after you hired her - which is terrific for her and generous (and probably well-invested) money for you. But I have to say that at $20/hr she will be very well compensated for the Rockville area.

I definitely believe in rewarding (and working hard to retain) a nanny that you trust and who has been great. But it is a competitive market and you could find competent care for less if you needed to. Not saying you should threated, or that she isn't worth the money. I just think you need to keep in mind that it will be ok if she decides she wants to find something else. Your ceiling financially is nothing to be ashamed of and the compensation you're offering seems fair.

As a nanny who has worked with 3 children in a similar situation, I think you are being completely reasonable. If you are worried about losing the nanny over $1.25 additional per hour, try to find a compromise that would make you both happy. Sit down and discuss with your nanny and let her know how much you value her and want her to stay and see if you can work it out. Maybe step up the benefits if you can, add a few more PTO days. Or consider contributing to her health insurance policy. I wish you the best.

I'm having a 3rd child in a few months and I pay my nanny $18.75 an hour for 40 hour weeks (M-Thurs) to watch my 6 year old (in kindergarten from 8:30 - 3) and a 2 year old. She gets every Federal holiday, 2 weeks vacation, 1 week sick, etc. We pay legally.

I was planning on increasing $1.25 per hour when the baby is here, bringing her to almost $20 an hour. She wants $2.50 an hour ($400 more a month!), which would bring her salary to nearly $21.50. I hired her 2.5 years ago at $16.50 -- and that turned out to not work for her so we negotiated at the year mark and I bumped her a lot because she is so good and been a nanny nearly 15 years. We didn't want to lose her.

As much as we love our nanny, we are beyond stretched and I simply can't go over the $1.25 increase.

My questions are: 1) Is this a reasonable increase (the $1.25)? 2) is her overall new salary, for 3 kids, at $20 gross in-line, too low, too high or just right? 3) am I wrong to think the add'l $2.50 is just an unreasonable request?

Thank you so much for any advise you can spare!