Anonymous
Post 03/25/2013 05:05     Subject: Nanny as the gaurdian in our will?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:15:58, I'm glad you don't have kids yet, because you are definitely too immature. Why on earth would a mature adult be freaked out that another person asked them this question? Unless the OP is putting undue pressure on her nanny to accept, there is no reason why the nanny can't politely decline. As for the nanny/family relationship souring with time, that is no more likely to happen with a nanny than with a family member or close friend. Sometimes people change their minds about guardianship. Luckily these things can be changed. It's not set in stone.

To OP: i rieterate my advice. If you and DH want this, approach your nanny and see how she would feel about it. If she seems hesitant, then find someone else, but many nannies (myself included) would be honored to do this for a current or former family.


Maybe someone asking you to take care of their kids if they die is a small thing, but to me that is something pretty serious and not to be taken lightly! Sure she is just asking a question that the nanny could politely turn down, but do you normally go around asking people stuff like that on a regular basis? It's not like she is asking her if she has an opinion of what kind of new car they should buy, which can already be an important decision in their lives. I would think that someone should already have a feeling that the person will say yes before asking something of this nature, so that the nanny doesn't have to politely turn her down. Maybe asking her first if she wants to be an acting godparent of sorts, to gauge her reaction and commitment to the kids beyond her position. Something that then could be expanded into actually being written into a will.

I have a best friend that I have known for 20 years that has 2 kids that I have been like an aunt to. I can see HER asking me to become their guardian in case something happened to her, but not for a family that I work for and have known for a much shorter amount of time. OP only says long term, not exactly how many years, which could just be 3 yrs. That might be "a long time" for a nanny position, but think that a stronger relationship is needed to start asking for the level of commitment someone wants. You mention that "things can be changed. It's not set in stone" which I had also mentioned, but not everyone regularly thinks about these things and goes to change them in a timely manner. In the event that this didn't get changed quick enough, it could be very disruptive in the children's lives. It is something to think about and consider, that that it would ever be likely to happen.

If everything I have says makes you think that I am too immature to have kids, then that is your opinion. I like to think of it as taking things seriously and REALLY determining I want to ask something of someone else before going through with it, looking at ALL sides of a situation and how it would affect my kids left behind by me (in a parent role), as well as how it would affect the nanny in her role, and the kids as well. If lots of consideration and thinking things through over time before coming to a huge decision is called immature to you, then you got me, I am immature.


I get exactly what you're saying.

My best friend wanted me to be her children's guardian (3 of them, all under 4) if something ever happened to her. She died in a car crash in 2009 and looking back, there is no way I could have been a guadian. It wasn't legally on paper but being young and immature I said ''Ofcourse, etc" but then when she passed I knew I couldn't ever possibly do it. I wasn't ready for it. It was too much.

People will not understand but I do, and I totally agree. Not saying OP's relationship with nanny would be the same. Who knows? It could work out.
Anonymous
Post 03/25/2013 04:47     Subject: Re:Nanny as the gaurdian in our will?
There's no harm in asking.

I would be flattered, and have been asked this by a prior family.
Anonymous
Post 03/23/2013 23:00     Subject: Nanny as the gaurdian in our will?
Anonymous wrote:15:58, I'm glad you don't have kids yet, because you are definitely too immature. Why on earth would a mature adult be freaked out that another person asked them this question? Unless the OP is putting undue pressure on her nanny to accept, there is no reason why the nanny can't politely decline. As for the nanny/family relationship souring with time, that is no more likely to happen with a nanny than with a family member or close friend. Sometimes people change their minds about guardianship. Luckily these things can be changed. It's not set in stone.

To OP: i rieterate my advice. If you and DH want this, approach your nanny and see how she would feel about it. If she seems hesitant, then find someone else, but many nannies (myself included) would be honored to do this for a current or former family.


Maybe someone asking you to take care of their kids if they die is a small thing, but to me that is something pretty serious and not to be taken lightly! Sure she is just asking a question that the nanny could politely turn down, but do you normally go around asking people stuff like that on a regular basis? It's not like she is asking her if she has an opinion of what kind of new car they should buy, which can already be an important decision in their lives. I would think that someone should already have a feeling that the person will say yes before asking something of this nature, so that the nanny doesn't have to politely turn her down. Maybe asking her first if she wants to be an acting godparent of sorts, to gauge her reaction and commitment to the kids beyond her position. Something that then could be expanded into actually being written into a will.

I have a best friend that I have known for 20 years that has 2 kids that I have been like an aunt to. I can see HER asking me to become their guardian in case something happened to her, but not for a family that I work for and have known for a much shorter amount of time. OP only says long term, not exactly how many years, which could just be 3 yrs. That might be "a long time" for a nanny position, but think that a stronger relationship is needed to start asking for the level of commitment someone wants. You mention that "things can be changed. It's not set in stone" which I had also mentioned, but not everyone regularly thinks about these things and goes to change them in a timely manner. In the event that this didn't get changed quick enough, it could be very disruptive in the children's lives. It is something to think about and consider, that that it would ever be likely to happen.

If everything I have says makes you think that I am too immature to have kids, then that is your opinion. I like to think of it as taking things seriously and REALLY determining I want to ask something of someone else before going through with it, looking at ALL sides of a situation and how it would affect my kids left behind by me (in a parent role), as well as how it would affect the nanny in her role, and the kids as well. If lots of consideration and thinking things through over time before coming to a huge decision is called immature to you, then you got me, I am immature.
Anonymous
Post 03/23/2013 18:51     Subject: Nanny as the gaurdian in our will?
15:58, I'm glad you don't have kids yet, because you are definitely too immature. Why on earth would a mature adult be freaked out that another person asked them this question? Unless the OP is putting undue pressure on her nanny to accept, there is no reason why the nanny can't politely decline. As for the nanny/family relationship souring with time, that is no more likely to happen with a nanny than with a family member or close friend. Sometimes people change their minds about guardianship. Luckily these things can be changed. It's not set in stone.

To OP: i rieterate my advice. If you and DH want this, approach your nanny and see how she would feel about it. If she seems hesitant, then find someone else, but many nannies (myself included) would be honored to do this for a current or former family.
Anonymous
Post 03/23/2013 15:58     Subject: Nanny as the gaurdian in our will?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'd be kind of freaked out if asked. Becoming someone's guardian is so much more than being a nanny to their kids! Since I don't have any kids of my own, and I am not yet married, I would be afraid of something happening to the parents and then my whole life being changed. Not just in the way that suddenly you have kid(s) to care for like they were your own, but that it might affect me with finding a husband, planning my own future with kids, things I would want to go do before having my own children.

I wouldn't mind being put down as like a "permanent" nanny for kids that I had been working with for a while and really cared about, so that I could still care for them while say their aunt who is not as good with kids but named guardian, has some built-in help... But I don't think I could be their guardian. Someone that decides to have their own kids, or even adopt or foster kids, make a HUGE decision to do so, but in the end that is THEIR decision and have figured out on WHEN to go ahead and start with that in their lives. There is too much uncertainty with it for me, not something that can be planned around which isn't easy for someone with my personality that likes to have plans and stuff.


Um...kay. So you think they shouldn't ask their nanny because YOU are ready for kids?

OP, if you think this is what you want, then you are obviously close to your nanny. Ask her what she thinks.


No, I was giving my opinion of how I would feel if a family asked ME. I thought the OP wanted other people's opinions, I was giving the point of view of a nanny that would get freaked out by someone asking her something that HUGE and possibly life changing. While the OP may want something, how her nanny feels can be a totally different story.

Also OP, if you have other options that could work out if something happened to you, then it might be less stressful on your relationship with your nanny if things ever came down to her moving on from your position (whether it is 6 months from now or 6 years from now). Nobody knows exactly what is going to happen in the future, and I know quite a few nannies/families that had great relationships but something changed and they ended up parting ways. Are you going to switch the person you have listed in your will if this happens? Are you going to keep asking your then current nanny to do this? It can get complicated, is what I am saying. If a nanny leaves and goes to a new family, moves away, etc and you don't change your will soon enough, then that can be a mess. So while your nanny might agree to it at this time in her life, and you want her to be it, if you do have another good option (not like a relative that you totally hate or that would not make a good parent), then I would consider them over using your nanny.
Anonymous
Post 03/23/2013 15:27     Subject: Nanny as the gaurdian in our will?
*aren't ready for kids
Anonymous
Post 03/23/2013 15:26     Subject: Nanny as the gaurdian in our will?
Anonymous wrote:I'd be kind of freaked out if asked. Becoming someone's guardian is so much more than being a nanny to their kids! Since I don't have any kids of my own, and I am not yet married, I would be afraid of something happening to the parents and then my whole life being changed. Not just in the way that suddenly you have kid(s) to care for like they were your own, but that it might affect me with finding a husband, planning my own future with kids, things I would want to go do before having my own children.

I wouldn't mind being put down as like a "permanent" nanny for kids that I had been working with for a while and really cared about, so that I could still care for them while say their aunt who is not as good with kids but named guardian, has some built-in help... But I don't think I could be their guardian. Someone that decides to have their own kids, or even adopt or foster kids, make a HUGE decision to do so, but in the end that is THEIR decision and have figured out on WHEN to go ahead and start with that in their lives. There is too much uncertainty with it for me, not something that can be planned around which isn't easy for someone with my personality that likes to have plans and stuff.


Um...kay. So you think they shouldn't ask their nanny because YOU are ready for kids?

OP, if you think this is what you want, then you are obviously close to your nanny. Ask her what she thinks.
Anonymous
Post 03/23/2013 01:56     Subject: Nanny as the gaurdian in our will?
I'd be kind of freaked out if asked. Becoming someone's guardian is so much more than being a nanny to their kids! Since I don't have any kids of my own, and I am not yet married, I would be afraid of something happening to the parents and then my whole life being changed. Not just in the way that suddenly you have kid(s) to care for like they were your own, but that it might affect me with finding a husband, planning my own future with kids, things I would want to go do before having my own children.

I wouldn't mind being put down as like a "permanent" nanny for kids that I had been working with for a while and really cared about, so that I could still care for them while say their aunt who is not as good with kids but named guardian, has some built-in help... But I don't think I could be their guardian. Someone that decides to have their own kids, or even adopt or foster kids, make a HUGE decision to do so, but in the end that is THEIR decision and have figured out on WHEN to go ahead and start with that in their lives. There is too much uncertainty with it for me, not something that can be planned around which isn't easy for someone with my personality that likes to have plans and stuff.
Anonymous
Post 03/22/2013 21:22     Subject: Nanny as the gaurdian in our will?
I'm the guardian for a past family I nannied for.
My old MB set it up because she has a fear of flying with out the kids.

I was with the family for 8 years but haven't worked for them for 5 years. I was named the guardian of the children with in a few months of starting. But both parents have siblings - they are great people but not to finish raising the kids.
Anonymous
Post 03/22/2013 19:21     Subject: Nanny as the gaurdian in our will?
My employers recently asked the same of me. I was honored and accepted graciously. It's awesome you have the same kind of relationship with your nanny.
Anonymous
Post 03/22/2013 19:03     Subject: Nanny as the gaurdian in our will?
That's what we did. My sister, who is an accountant, will manage the financial aspect, but the nanny will be the guardian for the kids and raise them in our stead.
Anonymous
Post 03/22/2013 15:28     Subject: Nanny as the gaurdian in our will?
Honestly, I would be beyond flattered if my bosses asked me this.

However I am older, my own children are grown plus I do not have a spouse.

That being said, I am in a great position to parent another child if the unthinkable occurs.

If your nanny is still young and has not had her own children and/or if she has a spouse, she may not be in a good position to consider your offer. Also, if she is studying for another type of career, that should play a factor as well.

Sounds like your nanny is worth her weight in gold.
As well as you.
Anonymous
Post 03/21/2013 15:06     Subject: Nanny as the gaurdian in our will?
I'm a nanny who was named as such. All related expenses would be taken care of, through college, plus my ongoing salary.
Anonymous
Post 03/21/2013 14:56     Subject: Nanny as the gaurdian in our will?
Sorry for the typos! On a phone!!
Anonymous
Post 03/21/2013 14:55     Subject: Nanny as the gaurdian in our will?
We are considering having our long term nanny as the promary guardian in our will should she choose to accept. We don't have any close family and honestly we'd both be more comfortable with her raising our children than any of our close living family. We've got friends nearby, but no one knows our children better and cares for them in the closest way to us as our nanny does. If God forbid something happened to us, the next person they're closest to is her and I can't think of any better "parent". Is this unheard of? I've never known anyone to do this but after long talk with my husband, we both agreed we would be most comfortable with her. She's not our only option and we will make that clear to her when we suggest the possibility. But have any other families done this or any nannies had that conversation with their employer? Just trying to hear from others in a similar spot! Thanks.