Think of it like this...If you had hired a caregiver from outside your family as a nanny for you child, would you be ok leaving your child with that individual if she had consumed an alcoholic drink just prior to arriving at work? My guess is that you would not condone this behavior from a non-family member nanny.

You're in a tough position b/c this is your mother, and I assume you want to preserve that relationship. However the bottom line is that something your mother is doing makes you uncomfortable given the fact that she is doing it while or just prior to taking responsibility for your child. If you are concerned that her actions might impair her ability to keep your child safe then you need to say something. It is your duty as a mother to keep your child safe...and that extends to making sure that your child's caregiver is providing a safe environment.

Personally I would institute a no alcohol rule for before and during work hours for your mother. She can drink to her heart's content after 7pm as long as she is able to get up and be functional by 11am the next day. Your child's safety should be the top priority, and if your mother isn't willing to see this then it's time to find a new caregiver.

I would generally agree with you that a family member would be preferable over day care, but not in this situation. Day care would provide a safe, alcohol-free environment for your child. No caregiver in daycare will love your child like your mother does, but they will provide a caring and alcohol-free environment for your child.

"I view a 5 pm beer as pretty different than an 11 am beer. And a drink somehow seems even more significant."

bingo. OP - you need to find other care immediately since your mom is clearly an alcoholic. The only other reason for drinking before noon is bloody mary or mimosas at brunch/vacation. That sounds not the case so AM drinking in this instance is a sign of a really big drinking problem. I would not be freaked out by mom having a glass of wine in the evening while watching DC, but AM drinking in your own house on a normal day = alcohol problem.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hire a live-out nanny, keep having grandma live there but without the paycheck, and bring grandma down to a few hours here and there. If she needs support with food and such, she's your damn mother, so support her - whether she's "working" for you or not.

Problem solved.

How is she going to hire a nanny for a "stipend"?

That's OP's problem, not mine

Anonymous wrote:Hire a live-out nanny, keep having grandma live there but without the paycheck, and bring grandma down to a few hours here and there. If she needs support with food and such, she's your damn mother, so support her - whether she's "working" for you or not.

Problem solved.

How is she going to hire a nanny for a "stipend"?

Hire a live-out nanny, keep having grandma live there but without the paycheck, and bring grandma down to a few hours here and there. If she needs support with food and such, she's your damn mother, so support her - whether she's "working" for you or not.

Problem solved.

Regardless of what you're paying, or the hours, or whatever, drinking before noon while caring for kids would worry me greatly. I view a 5 pm beer as pretty different than an 11 am beer. And a drink somehow seems even more significant. I think the only reason to have an alcoholic drink before 11 am is if you need it for some reason - and any level of need is troubling.

Also, you didn't mention driving so maybe that isn't an issue. But no matter what role this person had in my life (family, friend, employee, whatever) I would no longer feel safe having my children in her care.

Good luck. Sounds like a really tough situation.

Seems odd to call your family a nanny or an au pair, even when they help you FT and you give them a stipend.

She's more of an au pair (with the stipend), than a nanny.
Just call her grandma, who's helping with the children. Get her help. Can she do that one hour a week?

We give my mom a stipend of $1050 per month plus $50/week for groceries on top of providing room, board, and utilities. We also cover additional expenses because of the situation. She has $500 more per month extra spending money than at her last job.

Is op really paying her? How much? Is it just some little token, or the same price you would pay a real nanny? She's the grandma! Lol.

Yes, god forbid someone be responsible for children after having a beer or two. I can't even count the kids CPS had better remove from their homes if that's the case.

OP, employing your mother, who you knew was a drinker, was bound to create complications of one kind or another. You'll just have to talk to her as 1) an adult and 2) the mother of your children.

Not "ask" her, tell her. Please.

Ask her not to?

This is the danger of employing family members. If she doesn't stop...will you fire her/kick her out? Or assume that she raised her own children and your nephew while drinking howevermuchshedrinks?

Get her some help, pronto! Don't wait until it's too late. How much are you paying her per hour of work?

My mom, who is our paid, live-in nanny, has a few drinks while watching LO. She says that she doesn't, but I watch her do it. She didn't do it im front of me until recently. This week, she has had a beer or drink before I leave for work at 11am. She doesn't get drunk, but these few drinks are bothering me. I knew she drank before she moved in here, but I thought a family member watching DD was better than daycare. She practically raised my 6 year old nephew. She watches LO from 11am to 7pm, but she helps me out a little from 8am to 11am. What would you do?