OMG! Why are you making the kids sit at the table for hours?

The problem here is you. You are making a battle out of it and they are trying to exert some control.

You offer new foods, limit the discussion. NEVER try to make a three year old sit at the table for hours. That is bordering on abuse.

Anonymous wrote:I nanny for three year old twin boys. Generally they are awesome but when it comes to meal times they are picky picky eaters! They don't eat anything new and when new foods are out on their plate its an hourly struggle. Their mom has expressed to me how frustrating it is and that she would love to have them eating new things; for me to keep trying. These foods are nothing extravagant: rice, eggs, broccoli, spaghetti, etc. the problem is that I put in so much effort, I sit with them for hours at a time telling them they need to finish twir lunh before leaving the table. These hours are frustrating and filled with pouting crying and even occasional spitting. Any progress I make is completely regressed by their mom who will avoid any conflict at all costs. If it means she doesn't have to deal with them crying, she will take the easier option. She gets too stressed out. For example, one piece ofbroccoli in their dinner which I said they need to eat, she comes home and says "that's okay" when they tell her they don't want it. I'm so frustrated! I feel like I am wasting my time and efforts, and the kids end up seeing me as the bad guy I'm at a loss! Help!

Ask a pediatrician or someone who specializes in child nutrition and they will tell you that you are not supposed to force a child to eat something. I am an MB, and I was doing this with my children until I read some things and did some research that explained to me that this sets up food as a control issue and is NOT good for long term eating issues. Our new nanny seems to be telling my child she NEEDS to finish her veggies, and I am conflicted, because my children do seem to eat their veggies for her and not for me, but everything I have read says this the WRONG method. I agree the MB should not put up with things like spitting, but maybe she is taking a more easy going approach, which experts actually say is best. Present them with the food, put in on their plate, and over time hope they start eating it. Encourage them and ask them to try the new foods but do NOT force them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not your kid, not your problem. Feed them staples you know they will eat. It is normal and not worth the power struggle. Let the parents experiment with new foods.

+1
If Mom doesn't care, I'm not going to bother.

And that's another example of the difference between a nanny - who takes the care and development of her charges seriously - and a sitter, who just takes the easy route. If MB doesn't care that her kid watches 6 hours of TV every day, do you go along with that as well, even though you know it's not good for them? If MB does't think that her infant's failure to gain weight is a problem, do you just drop it or do you persist because you know there is something wrong?

Developing healthy eating habits is ESSENTIAL at this age - my parents didn't introduce my brother or myself to healthy foods when we were young, and he is now in his 20s and still doesn't eat anything beyond pizza, pb&j, and candy... so I know of what I speak. I myself wouldn't even try mexican food (hardly a healthy choice) until I was 23, sushi not until I was 28. These are formative years for children to not only discover how many foods they like, but that trying a new food is not painful or uncomfortable, so as to give them the courage to continue trying new foods as they get older. I dare you to look at the health of the majority of our citizens and then argue this isn't critically important for a child's healthy development.

Anonymous wrote:Not your kid, not your problem. Feed them staples you know they will eat. It is normal and not worth the power struggle. Let the parents experiment with new foods.

+1
If Mom doesn't care, I'm not going to bother.

Not your kid, not your problem. Feed them staples you know they will eat. It is normal and not worth the power struggle. Let the parents experiment with new foods.

You do need support from the parents but I think you are not going about it the right way OP by insisting they "finish their lunch" and making them sit "for hours". that's not right and of course they will hate it. MB needs to be on same page as you, but that needs to be the right page to begin with.

It is very difficult to change habits without support from the parents. I would continue to introduce new foods (and offer things continually because it can take 25 tries for a kid to like it) but don't drive yourself crazy. I've learned to love my charges and want what's best for them but st the end of the day, I'm not the parent. I'm more than willing to work with parents but I draw the line at doing their job for them.

Excellent advice 12:13! I'm going to remember these tips for my own kids!

Do not make mealtimes a battleground! You're only setting everyone up for bigger issues.

Instead, set a few ground rules. Talk to your MB about implementing them as soon as you've gotten it all sorted out in your head (exactly how you want to do it and so on) to be sure she's on board - I suspect she will be.

First, make trying new foods a fun thing. Laminate some placemats with pictures of new foods on them (7-10 per mat), and get a big pack of stickers - they can mark off each item with a sticker once they've tried it (and these can be recycled - I'd recommend making four per child and using one each week, and starting over at the beginning of each month). Trying a food means eating (chewing and swallowing) one bite of it. When they've filled up their placemat with stickers they get XYZ treat - probably NOT food related, but rather a trip to the swimming pool, a new book, watching a video they enjoy, or a chance to do whatever one of their favorite activities is.

Second, set a limit on how long you're spending at the table. 20 minutes is standard but at this age 30 would be fine if you think that's helpful. If they haven't eaten their food after 30 minutes, remove it and carry on with your day. The only catch here is that they are not allowed any snacking. If they do get hungry later (which they will) they can eat their leftovers from lunch or wait until the next snack or meal that's on your schedule. They cannot eat anything EXCEPT their leftovers between prescribed meal/snack times as set by you/MB.

Third, because you're going to be very strict about not giving them snacks between meals (and I don't mean no snacks, I mean their snacks should be healthy things like fruits and veggies and should be scheduled appropriately, not willynilly when they demand them), make sure that at least 50% of their meals are foods you know they like/will eat. You don't want to starve them, so make sure the new foods are being introduced as smaller elements of a larger meal.

Fourth, show your MB some literature on introducing new foods to kids. Studies show that whether kids like a food is directly correlated to how many times they've eaten it, and the average is around 25 times of eating a food they "don't like" before they realize they do (I can't remember the exact number, but it's in the 20s). Impress upon her the importance of persisting at this now or they will not develop a taste for it when they're older, leading to malnutrition down the line. Be sure to clarify, however, that persisting simply means continuing to offer foods and building a system that rewards them for trying it - not fighting with them about it.

Fifth - any kind of food spitting, throwing, etc. is grounds for a warning and then a time-out.

Finally, do not ever beg or even ask a child to eat something. Remove yourself emotionally from this equation. Let them know your expectations, make the reward system a fun and exciting thing, and then move on.

Sometimes kids just go through really picky phases. I think you should stop spending "hours at a time" in the struggle. Keep offering varied things, praise them for trying new foods, and also offering things they'll eat.

Don't kill yourself. Especially if the mother is not choosing the battle either. If they're eating enough they're fine - not worth this much stress on your part.

It's hard to be so caring when the parents aren't.

I nanny for three year old twin boys. Generally they are awesome but when it comes to meal times they are picky picky eaters! They don't eat anything new and when new foods are out on their plate its an hourly struggle. Their mom has expressed to me how frustrating it is and that she would love to have them eating new things; for me to keep trying. These foods are nothing extravagant: rice, eggs, broccoli, spaghetti, etc. the problem is that I put in so much effort, I sit with them for hours at a time telling them they need to finish twir lunh before leaving the table. These hours are frustrating and filled with pouting crying and even occasional spitting. Any progress I make is completely regressed by their mom who will avoid any conflict at all costs. If it means she doesn't have to deal with them crying, she will take the easier option. She gets too stressed out. For example, one piece ofbroccoli in their dinner which I said they need to eat, she comes home and says "that's okay" when they tell her they don't want it. I'm so frustrated! I feel like I am wasting my time and efforts, and the kids end up seeing me as the bad guy I'm at a loss! Help!