Can you get a sitter and take her (and the bf) out for a meal? That way, she won't feel like she needs to help out with the kids and it is a break from her work day (environment). Then you can have some real adult conversation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your nanny is your employee. If you want to be friends with her, you are creating a potentially huge problem. I do not believe that a nanny is "the help," but there is a divide that should be kept.

I think OP wants to be friendLY with her nanny, not necessarily "friends." Getting to know the person who's bonding with your children is clearly a good thing for everyone!

OP here - very much this. I'd like to get to know her better to know whether there are hobbies/activities she's involved in that she could share with DS, what might be nice little things to do for her, etc. And just because it's nice for everyone to have positive relationships with the people you work for and/with.

Her hobbies are her personal life and you come across as being nosy. Your relationship is employer/employee. W

You have no right to try to impose yourself on her personal life.

MB here - we've done this w/ our nanny, though we took her out to dinner with us one time. And since then she's hung around for dinner a few times in the evening, etc...

It's nice for all of us - we get some more relaxed time w/ her to get to know her. She gets to see us w/ the kids and the bedtime routine etc... (so she knows our style) and we also get a chance to talk more at length about next steps/milestones/goals for the babies, etc...

It wouldn't work with every situation certainly, I would totally respect a nanny who wanted to maintain more separation, didn't want to spend any extra time hanging around w/ her employers, etc... But it has been a great thing for us. I certainly think it can't hurt to ask. If she's not interested that's fine also, and you can find a different way to learn her interests, what she'd appreciate, etc...

In my experience the parents and nannies that go into this with your approach are likely to be the ones most happy with the relationship.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your nanny is your employee. If you want to be friends with her, you are creating a potentially huge problem. I do not believe that a nanny is "the help," but there is a divide that should be kept.

I think OP wants to be friendLY with her nanny, not necessarily "friends." Getting to know the person who's bonding with your children is clearly a good thing for everyone!

OP here - very much this. I'd like to get to know her better to know whether there are hobbies/activities she's involved in that she could share with DS, what might be nice little things to do for her, etc. And just because it's nice for everyone to have positive relationships with the people you work for and/with.

Anonymous wrote:Your nanny is your employee. If you want to be friends with her, you are creating a potentially huge problem. I do not believe that a nanny is "the help," but there is a divide that should be kept.

I think OP wants to be friendLY with her nanny, not necessarily "friends." Getting to know the person who's bonding with your children is clearly a good thing for everyone!

Your nanny is your employee. If you want to be friends with her, you are creating a potentially huge problem. I do not believe that a nanny is "the help," but there is a divide that should be kept.

Nanny Here: I like what the PP above me said about making a few extra minutes to ask her about her weekend and such. Most families I have worked for have done this and I really appreciate it. It also allows me to ask about their weekend in return. Since I mostly work with young toddlers, I like to hear from the parents what they did when I wasn't there but I don't like to feel as though I'm being nosy.

The last family I worked for (for 16 months) NEVER asked me a single thing about me or my personal life. I actually had a lot going on in my personal life (family members in hospital, mother's house had a fire etc). It just would have been nice if they acted liked they cared enough just to ask in passing about my life. Not doing so made me feel pretty under valued.

It's nice that you want to know your nanny morem and I think inviting them to dinner is a good way to do so! Or possibly asking her and your DS to meet up for lunch one day?

To be honest, even when I'm close with the family and enjoy spending time with them, I always avoid staying for dinner. When I'm off work (even if I really do enjoy the work), I want to go home and decompress in order to prepare for the next day. It would be like your boss inviting you to stay with them at the office for dinner. I would be more inclined to accept an offer at a restaurant on a day I wasn't working or a day I got off earlier. That way it would feel like much more of a social settling. I would invite her and say she should feel free to invite her boyfriend if she likes. I think it's great you want to get to know her better. I know that has really strengthened my relationships with MBs. You could do a little rescheduling so you're not always rushing out the door. Little things like asking her about her weekend plans really opens up conversation and provides an opportunity to get to know each other better.

Invite just her first and see how it goes.

No, I think that would be nice - my employers did something similar early after I began working for them, and we have a great relationship.

I might not invite the boyfriend, unless you know they're very serious and they're relatively close to you in age (if you're 45 and they're 22, that could be uncomfortable for them), and also because she might feel like that crosses a boundary she wants to keep intact? But maybe she'd feel differently. I'm sure others will weigh in too

Our nanny has been with us for 3 months, and everything seems to be going well - 18 month old DS loves her, she loves him, etc. But we don't feel like we know her all that well and would like to get to know her a little better - during most of our interactions, one of us is trying to get out the door quickly. Would it be weird to invite her and her boyfriend over for dinner one evening in an effort to get to know her?