Similar situation for me. Working/reading through the book "How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. I've found some good ways to work on how I'm communicating with the older child. Also remembering that the older child needs focused attention to especially since they are in school so the younger ones will are more likely to have a closer relationship with you. I try to remember it isn't about me and greet the older one with a hug first and extra affection (sometimes just being silly/shocked about it surprises enough to change reaction 'Oh no!! I forgot to get my hug in(big hug)!! How are you?') and empathy before addressing any concerns. Also, I do try to have a snack ready to tell the older one about right after school, because I have noticed that behaviour does get more difficult for this child when they have low blood sugar but havent realized it. I'm learning and working through these things, but haven't gotten it all figured out. Anyway, good luck!

Do you have a question you want input on or are you just venting? (That's okay too, I posted a vent recently myself...I'm just checking.)

Aren't you our drama girl?

Oh, (OP here), forgot to add that parents think it's normal. Or else, if she's having an especially bad day, they make excuses. Like "she has low blood sugar from being hungry after school." Literally. That one really made me want to laugh. Except not, because her rude attitude is NOT due to lack of food!! So it's hard to have them on board for any sort of behavioral upheaval because they don't cite a problem in the first place. Also, sounds weird, but their own attitudes are kind-of like hers [DC 1]. They talk to each other that way and model it for her, making it an even harder task to accomplish!

The 6-yr-old girl I nanny for (along with her 2 younger sisters) can be so challenging. I am aware that I take manners and respect for adults a little more seriously than other nannies or parents might, but I am not sure where to draw the line between expectations DC can meet and unrealistic ones. I also don't handle her disrespectful attitude as well as I should, too, and am hoping to find some ideas to help me with that.

The main thing is that DC 1 (6 yr old charge) flies off the handle so quickly. I mean, for no seeming reason, she will talk to you in an extremely bothered, exasperated way. For ex, last week DC 2 and DC 3 (who are both under 4 yrs old, not twins) and I picked her up from school. No hello's, no smiles, nothing. First she asks if she can play iPad when she gets home. I jokingly say, "well hello to you too! How was school today? Etc" No response. She notices DC 3 has a "strawberry" eraser she picked up in the school hallway as we waited for DC 1 to get out, and demands to know where she got that, claiming it is hers. I said DC 3 found it, and DC 1 snatches it out of her hand, and says in a nasty voice that it's hers. So I proceed to ask for the eraser back, and tell her we would figure it out. She holds it away from me and says in an extremely exasperated, annoyed voice while shaking her head and rolling her eyes: "it's mine! She must have gotten it from my locker. Don't you know that??" I Asked for it back one more time (telling her we would talk about it and figure it out in the car) and she wouldn't give it to me, so I took it out of her hand. We ended up talking about her attitude when we got home, and what it means to be disrespectful and rude, esp to an adult, and one who hasn't done anything in the first place at that. But I feel like its always the same old story, and I tell her this a million times a day! Is this normal??

When I'm at my wits end, sometimes I feel like I should respond with more patience or gentleness, since that's what I'm asking her to do, after all. But it's so hard! I feel like I raise my voice or say stuff like, "WHY are you talking/acting/behaving like this?! far too often.