That's great! Thanks for updating.

Just wanted to give an update. She seems to be doing lots better. She's made a small group of friends that are making plans together a lot and its making a world of difference. Thanks for the tips!

I think encouraging them to do the things they're supposed to - like enroll and classes and go to au pair events - helps. Also, include her in your dinners/lunches/outings out as much as possible, especially in the beginning. Like - could you plan a trip to a museum with your kids and her over the weekend?

I think when the weather is nicer it could improve her mood a little too - the winter is hard when you're stuck in teh house.

With Easter coming up, make sure she gets a basket (even if it's inexpensive things) - I do this for all the little holidays so they feel included. I like the pp idea about Starbucks gift cards too.


Also, have you shown her around town/DC? We live in arlington and she doesn't have a car, so early on I make sure that I take on ther on the bus, metro, etc. so she is comfortable getting places.

I think you're probably doing all you can do - I also prod a bit, try to be as accomodating as possible especially in the beginning to make sure AP attends cluster meetings, can take car to meet friends, etc. It's in my handbook but I also remind AP that she's welcome to have another AP over for lunch/coffee while kids are at school and if the kids are happy to play with other AP's kids, I'm happy for them all to do something together.

Interestingly, I've tried to encourage APs to do a non-academic course (like art/craft/sport) or volunteer during the free hours in the middle of the day, but so far neither AP has done this. The only things I've gotten them to do are the gym and the regular academic course that they're required to take. During the school year my APs have a plenty of free time.

My AP has been here for 5 months and I think she is also going through this a bit. I think it's once the honeymoon period has passed and they have to muddle through the middle part of their year.

My AP had a big fight with her mom. Her mom is not supportive of her year here and when the AP suggested that she wanted to extend next year (I guess a good sign that she likes it here...) her mom got so upset, that it made her all sad and depressed. She hasn't made many friends here and her closest one is too busy to hang out with her.

I tried to encourage her to seek out friends in her cluster or English class and I'm not sure she wants to or is just down.

I think the best thing you or I can do is empathize. Maybe encourage meeting others at a Starbucks or something.

Hope it gets better!

11:07 here. You are very welcome, OP. I love when Moms want to be as kind as you are. And am happy to help in any way. I am here to also learn from you.
Always the ultimate beneficiaries of a MB's kindness to the nanny/au pair, are the children. Happier caregivers, perform better on the job.
Thank you, again.

Anonymous wrote:Can you encourage her to invite a girlfriend over for a nice lunch (that maybe you could help with) on the weekend? Then maybe treat them to movie tickets? It'd be a nice gesture, even once a month or so.
Does she seem to have enough money to do other stuff on her own with friends?

You could even show your children how to participate with the lunch preparation for their au pair.

I like this idea - thanks! We're going on a little day trip this weekend and our AP is joining us. I think I'll ask if she wants to bring a friend. I don't think it's a money thing - her parents paid for her agency fee and for a few medical expenses that have come up, so I think all her stipend money is pure spending money (we pay for everything else). I have given her Starbucks gift cards and movie ticket coupons a few times as little treats since she's arrived too.

But I like the idea of subtely encouraging friendships. Maybe I'll ask if there's an au pair nearby that wants to do a playdate. I don't want to go so far as meddling is the thing - where is it helpful and where is it annoying and not my place?

Can you encourage her to invite a girlfriend over for a nice lunch (that maybe you could help with) on the weekend? Then maybe treat them to movie tickets? It'd be a nice gesture, even once a month or so.
Does she seem to have enough money to do other stuff on her own with friends?

You could even show your children how to participate with the lunch preparation for their au pair.

What a tough spot to be in....

Our au pair has been with us for about 4 months and we like her a lot. She is a bit of a homebody and doesn't really get out too much. She hasn't made a good group of friends yet, although she does seem to do a thing or two on the weekends. We have two kids in Elementary, so she is home all day by herself and she never leaves the house to explore the city or go out with friends or whatever. I don't personally care what she does, but I suspect she is really homesick. I hear her crying in her room sometimes while on Skype and she looks pretty awful in the mornings (puffy eyes, etc). I am worried about her and want to make sure there's nothing I can do. Should I say something? Approach this in some way? Or just let it go?