This is incredibly inappropriate to ask your employer for any sort of loan. I've been nannying for many years and have never asked for an advance in my pay or for a loan. This is a huge red flag and while you may like the nanny, there's something off and I wouldn't want this person taking care of my child. Did she say what the loan was for? Please don't give her the money...she will probably look at you like you are an ATM every time she gets into a financial mess.

Anonymous wrote:Original poster here, here references were impeccable. And the work she has done for her has been great so far. We like her and have no complaints, aside from this being a red flag about (1) what may be going on in her personal life; (2) her getting in debt to us and then quitting; or (3) this becoming an ongoing habit. As I said, we like her and want to help to the extent that is appropriate, but this could be a hard cycle to break if it starts.

It is not appropriate for her to be asking, so it is not appropriate for you to be helping. You need to terminate her employment, this kind of instability is not what you want in your child's caretaker!

OP, you sound like a nice person, but the reality is that you are putting your baby in a very unsafe situation. would you risk your child's life and well being to give basically a stranger the benefit of the doubt?

you say the references were impeccable. are you sure they were real? there are other threads on people realizing the impeccable references were fake. did you personally know the people who gave you the references? if not, did you have names and physicall addresses you can Google to see if they exist and landline numbers, not just cell? and multiple references of this type? do you know why she is asking for the loan?

if this was a cleaning lady or any other employee I would be annoyed but I would think about what to do, but if it is the person who cares for the life of my infant every day, I would fire her and find another person TODAY. I would take zero chance with my child's life

And you pay these people to take care of your children??
Really?? What's wrong with you?

OP this is already a hard cycle to break and you're only a few weeks in. In less than 2 months you've advanced her salary twice and she's now asking for several thousand dollars (presumably many weeks salary). That's an every other week event.

This is indicative of serious trouble in her life. The fact that it is happening so frequently, and so immediately upon employment, means that there are serious things going on that almost certainly predate her employment with you.

You are not responsible for her personal well-being. This is such a difficult thing with the nanny relationship because it is so personal in nature. I don't know what you do for a living, but would this kind of thing be allowed in your workplace? Would you ask your employer for multiple salary advances and a large loan ever, let alone immediately upon employment? If you're a boss at work what would this kind of thing tell you if you had an employee in the office making these requests?

This is not ok. She likely is not ok, but that is not your problem and you have not employed her long enough to extend these considerations that are hardships for you, ill-advised, and very concerning.

If you don't want to fire her you could sit her down and tell her that you are not in a financial position to make her the loan she asks (or any loan for that matter - it isn't simply an issue of the amount), that you are not comfortable advancing salary, that you're very concerned at these multiple requests in such a short time. Ask her if she is ok and if you can get her help of some other sort. Ask her if she can continue to do her job (and acknowledge her good work thus far, outside these concerns) given your inability to continue advancing/loaning money.

You could even call her references and ask if they had any experiences like this with her.

But, bottom line, there are other nannies out there and you are VERY early on in this relationship. I'm not sure I would ever have full peace of mind with this nanny at this point. If it were me I would find another nanny, offer this one some fair, bordering on generous, reference and move on.

And, as me, I'm making a mental note to put language in my next nanny contract (should I need one) regarding salary advances and the like not being done. We have language to this effect in my company's personnel handbook - we won't advance salary or leave (because leave accrues as a payable cost to the organization) to employees.

Good luck. It sounds like a mess and like you have been MORE than generous, but you are getting clear, obvious, red flags. I'd advise you to pay very close attention.

Original poster here, here references were impeccable. And the work she has done for her has been great so far. We like her and have no complaints, aside from this being a red flag about (1) what may be going on in her personal life; (2) her getting in debt to us and then quitting; or (3) this becoming an ongoing habit. As I said, we like her and want to help to the extent that is appropriate, but this could be a hard cycle to break if it starts.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Asking for one advance, okay. Asking for a second advance, pushing it. Asking for a $3,000 loan, find someone with less drama! I have never asked for an advance on my pay or a loan from my bosses. It's not professional and muddies the waters. If you're concerned that saying no would compromise your child's care that's another red flag and you need to find a replacement and let her go!

+1. If you really want to help then ask what's going on and offer possible date night babysitting. But honestly this just sounds weird like she may have a drug problem or is trying to scam you. I would ask everyone i knew and get a second job before asking my employers for a loan or advance. Even when my engagement ended and my living situation/financial situation changed and my employers OFFERED to loan me money, I refused and I worked for them 3years.

+1

Fire her immediately.

+2 this sounds crazy!

OP, how were her refs?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Asking for one advance, okay. Asking for a second advance, pushing it. Asking for a $3,000 loan, find someone with less drama! I have never asked for an advance on my pay or a loan from my bosses. It's not professional and muddies the waters. If you're concerned that saying no would compromise your child's care that's another red flag and you need to find a replacement and let her go!

+1. If you really want to help then ask what's going on and offer possible date night babysitting. But honestly this just sounds weird like she may have a drug problem or is trying to scam you. I would ask everyone i knew and get a second job before asking my employers for a loan or advance. Even when my engagement ended and my living situation/financial situation changed and my employers OFFERED to loan me money, I refused and I worked for them 3years.

+1

Fire her immediately.

Such a sweetie!

Anonymous wrote:Asking for one advance, okay. Asking for a second advance, pushing it. Asking for a $3,000 loan, find someone with less drama! I have never asked for an advance on my pay or a loan from my bosses. It's not professional and muddies the waters. If you're concerned that saying no would compromise your child's care that's another red flag and you need to find a replacement and let her go!

+1. If you really want to help then ask what's going on and offer possible date night babysitting. But honestly this just sounds weird like she may have a drug problem or is trying to scam you. I would ask everyone i knew and get a second job before asking my employers for a loan or advance. Even when my engagement ended and my living situation/financial situation changed and my employers OFFERED to loan me money, I refused and I worked for them 3years.

Asking for one advance, okay. Asking for a second advance, pushing it. Asking for a $3,000 loan, find someone with less drama! I have never asked for an advance on my pay or a loan from my bosses. It's not professional and muddies the waters. If you're concerned that saying no would compromise your child's care that's another red flag and you need to find a replacement and let her go!

So unprofessional. Obviously. I guess she's a bargain.

"No." Where did you find her?

We have employed our nanny for only a month-and-a-half. Her second week she asked for an advance of a week's salary. We gave it to her. Two weeks later she asked for another advance. We gave it to her. Today she asked for a $3,000 loan. We don't know what to do. We can't afford $3,000, and we are troubled by her asking us for a loan. But we don't want to refuse to assist her if she really needs it. And we don't want to do anything that could cause her to compromise the care she provides for our baby. Has anyone been in a similar situation before? Any advice would be appreciated!