Anonymous wrote:This was me with my very first nanny job.

MB was pregnant and had 3 others under 6. I was a live in as well.
I worked for the family for almost 10 years but I grew extremely close to the children, especially the youngest (as I was there since day one).

Parents traveled A LOT mostly with out me and the kiddos.
I ran the house, the bills, the kids, school, potty training, nightmares, anything and everything. The parents when home, hated getting up at night with the baby or early with the kids. I did work 24/7. I missed a lot of my family things, which I regret but can't change.
I did miss all of my 20s and left nanning for many years because I grew so close.
I'm still in contact with the family and,see them almost every night. The youngest calls,me his 2nd mom.

I tell all my jobs (outside nanning and nanning) that they are my nieces and nephews. That way if something came up, emergency etc it would be ok to take off work.


It is more like an adoptive mom thing. I may never have children but those 4 are like my children.


My current family (and the one prior) I make sure to not grow too attached. I love the kids to death but I try to make sure that when i'm off I'm off and I keep work and my life separate.

You were the ONLY mom to the kids for 10 years! I wonder what it was like for them when you left? Did the parents start learning to be parents, or did they get a new mom?

This was me with my very first nanny job.

MB was pregnant and had 3 others under 6. I was a live in as well.
I worked for the family for almost 10 years but I grew extremely close to the children, especially the youngest (as I was there since day one).

Parents traveled A LOT mostly with out me and the kiddos.
I ran the house, the bills, the kids, school, potty training, nightmares, anything and everything. The parents when home, hated getting up at night with the baby or early with the kids. I did work 24/7. I missed a lot of my family things, which I regret but can't change.
I did miss all of my 20s and left nanning for many years because I grew so close.
I'm still in contact with the family and,see them almost every night. The youngest calls,me his 2nd mom.

I tell all my jobs (outside nanning and nanning) that they are my nieces and nephews. That way if something came up, emergency etc it would be ok to take off work.


It is more like an adoptive mom thing. I may never have children but those 4 are like my children.


My current family (and the one prior) I make sure to not grow too attached. I love the kids to death but I try to make sure that when i'm off I'm off and I keep work and my life separate.

Getting attached to your charge is simply a part of the territory... especially if you've been with him since birth, for a long time, and care for him for the better part of the day (i.e. his waking hours).

Being a nanny is no ordinary job, because you develop a special relationship with your charge over time, and it's completely natural and normal. (It's abnormal, imo, if you don't develop some sort of healthy, attached relationship to them and them to you).

I plan on making it a point to keep in touch with my current charge even after I leave this position. The LO is important to me, I'm important to her, and we wouldn't have it any other way. The parents also agreed that they would love it if I continued to take the LO out on occasion when this position is over, and it will be at my own expense, so everybody wins!

I'm also super attached to the children of a close family friend. I started looking after her oldest child when he was 9 months old and I was in my early teens. He was super attached to me (would cry when I gave him to his parents or relatives), and I loved him soooo much. I treated him as if he were my own child, even though I had the sense back then to know better.

I've looked after her 3 children extensively since birth, and even though I'm not their primary childcare provider anymore (one's in 4th grade, the other in pre-k, and the last in daycare), I still make it a point to visit regularly, spend the night whenever I want, and spend hundreds of dollars on clothes, presents, and outings for them.

I know the above situation is different from your own, but I see no reason as to why a nanny shouldn't develop a strong relationship with her charge, and why she can't, or shouldn't, visit her "ex-charges," if they live a reasonable distance away, the position ended amicably, and she's on good terms with the parents. Taking your ex-charge(s) out for a weekend afternoon would be enjoyable for all parties involved.

It's human nature to love and dote on the LOs you care for, and to want to continue to watch them grow and spend time with them, even after a position is over. Like I said, being a nanny isn't your average position.

Yeah, I want to have a husband, a brood of children... like 10, lol (biological and adopted), and live my own life too, but I'll make it my goal to do it in a way that makes time for all my "other kids" as well.

I spend 45 hours a week with my charge and as much as I love and adore him, I am happy that I get to go home to a nice quiet house at the end of the day. You can care about your charges and love them, but as a professional you need to keep your personal and work life separate.

I can imagine!!! I'm sure your a great nanny! I live my charges so much and miss them on the weekends!!! So much! I'm only with them 9 hours a day!
Guard uour heart... But every child needs to feel love

I can see how a nanny might get like this if she's with the little one so much. It's almost like she's an adoptive mother!

This is severe disfunction.

I think it's great that you love your charge, and you sound like a great nanny. However, you really need to learn to separate yourself from your job. The feelings that you are having are understandable, but not professional. You can be a loving nanny, while still maintaining a professional relationship.

I'm not trying to "scold" you or anything obnoxious like that (at least on purpose). I get where you are coming from, and if things are the way you describe, it's pretty sad for your charge that he gets to see his parents so rarely. You still need to protect yourself by stepping back and realizing you are not his parent. If you don't think you can do this, you may need to find a job with fewer hours (less time to become so attached) or a different profession altogether.

Keep in mind that if your life is based entirely around your charge's life, you will have a very hard time starting that family of your own.

I think it' normal to grow close to your charges, especially if you are with them so often.

I actually feel really sorry for your charge, how does he have a relationship with his parents if they never see him? You and the weekend nanny may be the most solid thing in his life, I think you realize that.

I don't know how to help you, just keep in mind this is a job and you are not the parent, although it seems like you are the closest thing he has to one.

What do the parents do?

I think I'm getting too attached to my little charge. I am with him the second he wakes up to the second he falls asleep M-F. His parents see him around 15 minutes a day, or sometimes not at all. I am there for all his major milestones. He has a 24hr weekend nanny too. But I miss him like crazy over the weekends. But I feel I am sacrificing my heart and life to him. This is just supposed to be a job. One that I can loose at anytime. In afraid that I am becoming too close. I want my own kids, my own husband, my own life. But the feeling like I would easily give my own life to save his, makes me feel that I have become too close. How do I stop this?