Sounds like an incredibly difficult task. I'm not sure this is an appropriate request to make of an individual caregiver given the issues each of your charges has and the combined effect. It honestly sounds like too much for one person.

But, if you want to give it an extended try, could you ask a family member to be around for some period of time to help broker/build a relationship with your charges? Do they have a relationship w/ their son that is lucid enough for him to talk w/ the father? Will the son work with you on this?

Sounds really tough.

Einstein?? And "you sounds very undeducated??" lol, then I get another responder who calls me a troll. Thanks for the deep insight. Good for you on your knowledge of "pars"!

Anonymous wrote:The wife sounds like she has moderate dementia. Her behavior is on par for someone with dementia. Frankly her husband sounds a little off too, but ultimately you need to remember these are adults who want to be independent and aren't. You're a complete stranger and here you are trying to get then dressed. That's a personal task and sometimes it takes time to build trust with older people. You also if they don't want to get dressed, try and find put why. Are they shy about doing it in frontof you? Are they confused about time of day? Are the clothes uncomfortable? Do they fell like you're trying to rush then and are being pushy? Even if you don't think you are, they might fell like you are and that's what's matters. They're old, they're going to dothings at a snails pace. Also a lot if the old generation don't like to be wasteful and doing laundry all the time, changing clothes week the time is considered wasteful. This is especially true as confusion sets in. It sounds like you don't have any experience at all with senior care and for that train if say don't keep the job. They need someone who knows what they are doing.

I agree. I cared for a man with dementia and he was in the moderate stage and it sounds like the woman OP is referring to.. However, the post is too short to really know for sure.

Maybe she's the book writer.

Hey Einstein every disease and condition has a 'par', that's how people get diagnosed. People with dementia exhibit behaviors A thru P, and each person can have some or all I'd the assumptions and in varying degrees which vine and go, get better or worse day to day or even hour by hour. The fact that people with a particular disease share Gibbon behaviors is how they get diagnosed with dementia and not Alzheimers, or MS or chicken pox or cancer etc. get it? Yrs there's a par for ALL diseases and conditions. You sounds very uneducated.

There is no "par" for individuals who suffer from dementia w/regard to behavior. There are different types of behavior based on the individual and I have worked w/many people who suffer from beginning to moderate stages of Alzheimer's who all react differently in different circumstances. There is a unique situation I am dealing with and asking for input is the best way to add to an already existing knowledge base.

I should refrase my question. If anyone has worked with hasband and wife team infolving family members, please share some tips on best ways to journey transitions together. Thank you.

T

to the intelligent individual whose deep insight consists of one word, "troll", stay off my posts, you've been reported.

I actually have experience w/senior care and am well aware of all the triggers you mentioned that come with life's transitions. I was seeking advise on the best way to handle this specific situation where husband and wife are still living together and I am careing for both, every situation is different. My question was focused on expectations of where htis might go w/regard to relationships in this type of triangle and best ways to handle specific conflicts between them that I mentioned. I was not asking why they are lashing out or say mean things.

The wife sounds like she has moderate dementia. Her behavior is on par for someone with dementia. Frankly her husband sounds a little off too, but ultimately you need to remember these are adults who want to be independent and aren't. You're a complete stranger and here you are trying to get then dressed. That's a personal task and sometimes it takes time to build trust with older people. You also if they don't want to get dressed, try and find put why. Are they shy about doing it in frontof you? Are they confused about time of day? Are the clothes uncomfortable? Do they fell like you're trying to rush then and are being pushy? Even if you don't think you are, they might fell like you are and that's what's matters. They're old, they're going to dothings at a snails pace. Also a lot if the old generation don't like to be wasteful and doing laundry all the time, changing clothes week the time is considered wasteful. This is especially true as confusion sets in. It sounds like you don't have any experience at all with senior care and for that train if say don't keep the job. They need someone who knows what they are doing.

I see, yes, they do certainly bounce off of eachother re: powerplay and shifting of good cop, bad cop. When he yells at me, she plays the mediator role. I feel like my
best isn't good enough, but even worse, there is a fine line between overstepping my boundaries and being firm when it's called for and those boundaries are
still being negotiated. I thought that once we all settled in and got used to eachother, it might be easier, but I'm not sure that will happen.

Thanks for your input.

T

T, one of these people would be manageable. It is too much stress and responsibility to care for both. I handled a similar care situation and had to resign due to burn-out.

I am caring for an elderly couple and am new to them and new to the position. I was hired by their son to go into their home and stay for one night. They are in their 90's and very much in love still. Sarah suffers from beginning alzheimer's and Williiam is recovering from a stroke causing him to have to use a walker and difficulty with speech, yet he has no impairment with comprehension or confusion at all, he has his wits about him 100%. Sarah sometimes gets confused, but is not as progressed in the stages of Alzheimer's as many.

I feel that it didn't go so well. Our relationship started out great and went down hill. Towards the end of our time together, Sarah was yelling at me, accusing me of being a liar and when I went in to help her husband out of bed to his walker, she accused me of being in the bedroom with her husband and told me that is HER husband, very inappropriate behavior. She had an accident in her pull up depends panties and when I told her we needed to change them, everything went down hill from then. She became demanding and possessive.

Then her husband started getting very angry with me, telling me to back off when I tried to get him dressed and out of bed. When I cooked his dinner, he shouted that it was too cold and then too hot and then when I went outside to take some things out of my car, he yelled at me to close the door. He told his son that if I come back, to make it for a short visit.

I am replacing a person who used to care for them who I was told that was let go because William had unexplained bruises. That just doesn't add up to me. Even if bruises are present, it can be determined if it was from abuse or a fall. I don't even know if I'll be asked to come back since William was so combative with me or if I should take this positon.

Any advice anyone??

Thank you,
T