They're both incredibly young.

OP here. Thanks for the input. None of the APs we have hosted have had much experience and none have had any w children w SN. DC2 w SN doesn't take any special skill; just patience and empathy. Interestingly, most of our APs have ended up even closer to him than to DC1, though they love her too, despite the fact that he is more work.

That said, we ended up picking #1. It was a really tough decision but when we talked more w #1 and he got more comfortable with his English, his personality began to shine through more and we ended up liking him as well. When he talked to the children, their faces completely lit up in their talks with him. And he was great with them and asked good and thoughtful and developmentally appropriate questions.

It was SO hard to tell #2 we weren't picking him, though. We had such a great connection, and I'm really sad he won't be our ap next year. If anyone else is looking for a male AP through CC, I just released his application to the pool last night....this is the first time in our 7 years in the program that I wish we could have picked two candidates.

Thanks again for the input.

I think experience matters up to a point. The match needs to have a baseline level of experience, but if both candidates meet the minimum level of experience for the job, then it doesn't matter so much if one is way more experienced. In your case, it sounds like both APs meet the basics: they have worked with kids to some extent, have some driving experience, etc. so in that case, I would go with B. The only question is whether your SN son is particularly challenging or needs to be managed very specifically one way. Do you have a date night sitter or close friends you could ask for their impression of how tough DS would be for someone not used to his needs? You may be so used to doing things the right way for him that you can't tell how hard it would be for a stramger to get used to.

#2 for sure. You like him better too.

I would pick # 2.

Experience HM here: I've opted for "both" -- experience AND personality.

I think if you have a son with special needs, you ought to consider whether someone who is truly inexperienced is going to struggle with what his care entails -- but that may be very much up to the specifics of the job and your child.

In the case where you really can't have "both" though-- I'd opt for personality and the RIGHT ATTITUDE. I agree with your assessment: If you take a flexible, mature, hard-working individual who likes kids -- you can teach them anything. Especially with slightly older kids. If you have a "professional" but he has teh wrong attitude, it will never work.

I think I'd advise you to consider the following: Is the experienced fellow just "shy"? Or are you getting bad "vibes" from him (either that he's a dud, or uninterested, or ... whatever). Shy you can work with. English you can work with. But if you think he's a dud, go for the 19 year old who has been so impressive to you, seems to really want this job, and his showing you his maturity and flexibility in trying to win you over...

Sorry, OP, no advise as I am also pondering this. For what it is worth, I would pick candidate 2.

I tend to favor experience over personality. I am very critical in my assessment as to whether a person can actually do the job well and no AP has presented so badly during matching that I hated the personality but loved the experience.

However, this is my track record: First AP, mutual rematch after 5 weeks because she wanted to party, was immature and did not have a good work ethic. She, oth, did not feel comfortable with us. We got a local rematch AP, whose sunny personality I loved from the moment we spoke on the phone. I cried a bit when she left She truly loved our kids, was fun and reliable. However, she never spent any family time (none-working) time with us and was a terrible driver.

Next AP was a pathological liar and did not have the heart for child care. We rematched after 7 months because she created a safety issue for our family. Have to say, did not care for her work or personality once she got here.

We made due with interim childcare until our new AP arrived. She was a hard worker, reliable, and wanted to be part of the family. I was indifferent about her personality but never disliked her.

Current AP, hard worker, wants to be part of the family but is incredibly nosy, gossipy and also has tendency to lie about stupid stuff. No trust, and if it was not for her good work, we would rematch.

Based on this, I am super gun shy about picking another AP. My husband places more emphasis on personality than skill and I am starting to think that he is right.

We have narrowed down our search for next year's AP to two candidates, and I would love to hear input from other experienced HMs on what they would do. By way of background, we are an experienced HF who has hosted APs for six years. This coming year, for the first time, we are getting a male AP.

Candidate #1: 21 yrs old with experience as a teacher in a residential school for boys. Has experience working with children both of our children's ages. Has been driving in all weather conditions for 3 years, including during a year in the army when he lived away from home. Seems very nice and flexible. Has pets at home (we have several pets). Has been harder to reach via email but expresses a lot of interest in our family when he does email. First skype call went well, but he seemed shy and nervous. English is OK. Says all the right things and answers questions in all the right ways, but there isn't much "give and take" to conversation. Answers questions in email but hasn't asked many in return and in general seems just harder to get to know.

Candidate #2: 19 yrs old with pretty stardard 19-yr-old-German-babysitting-and-coaching experience. Has cared for children our children's ages but not by himself (as a coach or in a kindergarten for an internship), though has given very thoughtful answers to all child-related questions and has shown a lot of proactivity in finding out more about children (when he learned DC2 has a learning disability, he had already asked a friend of his who is a teacher about how to work with a child with this kind of LD by the time we skyped, etc). English is perfect. Has driving experience in snow and ice but doesn't own his own car so still shares with parents (though says he drives 4 days/week). Conversation is VERY easy with him and I feel like after two weeks of emailing and skyping that I have a good sense of his personality and who he is. Asks lots of questions and always about the children - had alread written down their birthdays when we first talked, etc. Has expressed interest in living with pets but hasn't done so himself (sister is allergic).

Although I present our job as being very challenging due to the children being different ages/developmental levels and due to DC2 having some special needs, honestly, it's not that hard a job if you're smart, proactive, and genuinely like children. Previous APs, except for when the children were really little, have not had a lot of childcare experience -- we tend to be a "hire for attitude, train for skill" family. Both of our DCs are now school-age so in school all day; we are a very warm and welcoming family who works hard to help our APs get up to speed.

So what would you do? Pick experience over personality? Or personality over experience? I feel like both candidates would do a good job, and I don't feel the need to keep interviewing anymore (and no one else in the pool interests me at all right now). I am just torn on which way to go here and would love to hear "Oh I made this choice and I picked X and I am so glad/sorry I did,' etc. Especially if there are any HFs with male APs, I'd love to hear your input. BUt really any HF who has made this choice, I'd love to hear from you.

Haven't yet had either speak to the children yet - wanted to make a sort-of decision in my head and then have the children skype with the one who is our first choice. Obviously, though, their impressions and reactions will be paramount in the decision, but I wanted to make a tentative ranking in order first.

Thank you!