Anonymous wrote:OP if your nanny had been sick and came to work and got your children and you sick - would you have made a thread about how annoyed you are that your nanny wasn't considerate enough because she came to work and vomited all over?

I wonder this too. My MB would be furious if I in anyway contributed to her child becoming sick but she also doesn't mind me taking sick days (as long as I truly am sick). I will usually let her know what my symptoms are and then give her the choice as to whether or not she wants me to come in. She always tells me to stay home, even if it is last minute.

OP if your nanny had been sick and came to work and got your children and you sick - would you have made a thread about how annoyed you are that your nanny wasn't considerate enough because she came to work and vomited all over?

One must wonder if this nanny is a doormat nanny, unable to be decisive, in general.

Honestly, your nanny should've just bucked up and came in. I am 28 and have been a nanny since I was 20. I used to be like this, so I have sympathy for her, but once you've been doing this a while you learn to speak up and be more direct. You also learn that you need to be very black and white with parents. They don't want a wishy washy nanny. If you are truly sick, stay home, be honest/direct with them about why you need to stay home, and leave it at that. If you have a cold, fever, etc, but know you can still work fine - go in, say you're not feeling well but you're pretty sure it'll pass, and just have a lazy day with the kids. Most parents I know would rather that than have their nanny cancel last minute or have them do what the OP described.

It is unrealistic of you to expect your nanny to "plan" to be sick! Colds, flu etc usually come on suddenly. It sounds to me like when felt she was coming down with something she tried to give you a heads' up. She thought it would be a good idea to rest at home for a day and make sure if she was contagious that she didn't give it to your child, and her flip-flopping was probably in response to the pressure you were putting on her to work. One of the downsides with having a nanny is that if they are sick you need to either take the day off work yourself or find emergency back-up care, that's just the way it is. Next time this happens, just ask her to let you know as soon as possible whether or not she will be able to work. If she is on the fence about it say you need to know by X p.m. the day before.

On the car seat, it sounds like she was a bit silly not to take your help. Presumably she didn't want to trouble you but it didn't work out - did she apologise or recognise that she made a mistake in not taking your help?

(from a MB)

Anonymous wrote:I'm American and when I was a bit younger I was like this. Its not a cultural thing, it's a people pleaser thing. When she's trekking you she might be coming down with something, she wants you to tell her to stay home and get better. She doesn't want you mad at get for calling in and she doesn't want you mad at her for exposing your child and she doesn't want to loose a days pay.

+1

I'm American and when I was a bit younger I was like this. Its not a cultural thing, it's a people pleaser thing. When she's trekking you she might be coming down with something, she wants you to tell her to stay home and get better. She doesn't want you mad at get for calling in and she doesn't want you mad at her for exposing your child and she doesn't want to loose a days pay. Or maybe she just needs a day off and isn't really sick. Or maybe she had an interview lined up and it want confirmed yet. Who knows.

Anonymous wrote:I think you nailed it 12:50. Americans (of which I am one) are completely oblivious to the niceties of other cultures. In many of them when a person says they might be coming down with something but they could come, the only correct and human answer is, No, no I wouldn't ask it.

And while it may seem that she's is giving you double messages, be aware that she may think the same thing. It may be coming across that no mater how much notice she gives when she's sick (and there is something to ponder there too) she is sensing that her being sick at all will always be less than ideal.

12:50 here. Here is a cute example of what I'm talking about:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ryqNQnzAmBs&feature=player_embedded

I think you nailed it 12:50. Americans (of which I am one) are completely oblivious to the niceties of other cultures. In many of them when a person says they might be coming down with something but they could come, the only correct and human answer is, No, no I wouldn't ask it.

And while it may seem that she's is giving you double messages, be aware that she may think the same thing. It may be coming across that no mater how much notice she gives when she's sick (and there is something to ponder there too) she is sensing that her being sick at all will always be less than ideal.

Let me guess. She grew up in another culture, right?

Tell me which culture and I'll tell you if she is telling you subtly (but in her mind, VERY CLEARLY and well in advance) that she is too sick to come in/expose your kids.

I'm totally serious.

Sorry, just tell me if I annoy you or you don't like something.

Sorry.

Yes it's annoying but you realize sometimes you can't plan sick days?

Really you want her to preplan them. Ok maybe she's a bit wishy washy and she needs to work on communication. Is she younger? How long has she been with you? She could be trying to please you by telling you what she thinks you think you want to hear.

Talk to her! Explain how you're feeling.

Sorry about your predicament. How long have you had her?

Yeah, that is annoying. Tell her to be clear with you regarding sick days so you can have back up care in place. As for the car seat, she needs to admit if she needs help.

My nanny is a very courteous and respectful nanny and sometimes I think she doesn't even realize she might over do it, and in trying to be tactful she is tactless. I give her sick time but with appreciated advance noticed because otherwise I'm screwed. The other day she complained of feeling like she might be coming down with something, she said she felt fine but just "felt" like she might get sick. I told her as long as she gives me notice we can try and find a replacement while she's sick. She ends up coming down something minor, and did claim she could work but she felt it was right if she stayed home and rested. This would be fine if she gave me a heads up, but I had to pry it out of her and she eventually told me via text that she thinks staying home is in the interest of our child, she doesn't want him to get sick. But then she said it was doable and to 'see you in the morning', then I get a text 4 hours later that she does not want to put my child in harms way and thinks its best she stays home, but she did not give me enough time to find a replacement. So annoyed it was a pita to find ones, and come to find out she did not have anything contagious she admitted maybe resting 'helped' relieve whatever she thought she might have had or pass on. So really she was just being overly cautious to the point of freaking me out because I had to scramble for a replacement since I didn't get notified on time since she kept changing her mind about it! Then the week before, she had to take our eldest DD to Montessori and her car seat is kinda hard to get on and I offered to place it for her, but again not trying to be in the way she said 'I can do it'. She ended not being able to handle it and the texted, 'I don't feel safe driving charge to school, think its best we stay home, couldn't adjust car seat'. The thing is that DD had to be at school, her dad was going to get her for an appointment right after, staying home screwed everything up, we live opposite of school, husbands work and appointment location. It was suppose to be something so simple. She has used car seats before, not sure why this one was SOOOO difficult. I know she meant well, but it really ended up screwing things up. So I'm annoyed and need to vent!