Anonymous wrote:I'm a mom and quite conscious of teaching my child, age 4, to chip in around the house and clean up after himself. Any suggestions on how to get him to do chores without bribing? He is dressing himself, picking up and folding most of his clothes (though it takes reminders, which I think is OK at this age), and setting the table. Recently, however, getting him to set the table and to do additional chores like helping to clean has become a battle. Any tips on how to get preschoolers to do chores without bribing and battling?

My previous charge was 4 years old and what helped to motivate her was a chore chart which basically listed her chores or responsibilities for the day (some some examples of what was on her chart were things like no whining, no hitting, cleaning up toys, etc.). At the end of the day we reviewed her chart and she got a magnet put next to each chore or responsibility that she succeeded in that day. It could also work with a sticker. This would not work for all kids but it was a motivator for her.

I know plenty children from lower/middle class families that are raging brats too, and wealthy children who are well-behaved and down to earth.

I'm a mom and quite conscious of teaching my child, age 4, to chip in around the house and clean up after himself. Any suggestions on how to get him to do chores without bribing? He is dressing himself, picking up and folding most of his clothes (though it takes reminders, which I think is OK at this age), and setting the table. Recently, however, getting him to set the table and to do additional chores like helping to clean has become a battle. Any tips on how to get preschoolers to do chores without bribing and battling?

It's possible to have loads of money and not raise spoiled children. OTOH, very few indulged and "naughty" children have decent parents.

Anonymous wrote:Um, I didn't pour cereal when I was 7. I didn't have a maid, either...

A 7 year old is perfectly able to pour cereal on their own. They might need a bit of help with a full gallon of milk so they don't spill too much, but otherwise they can do it very easily. A parent shouldn't just be taking care of kids by doing stuff for them, but should be teaching kids to become independent as well. This means that once they are old enough to do something with help, to have them do it with help. By the time they can do it by themselves, that they do it by themselves. I was helping my mom and sister wash and dry and put away dishes each night when I was 4. By the time I was 8, it was just me and my sister (who was 3 yrs older than me). By the time I was 8 yrs old, we were also cleaning the house with my mom (either someone did the vacuuming and another the dusting, or we all had a room to clean ourselves). We learned that we put away our own toys, my mom didn't. We learned that when we were done with a dish in the living room, to bring it back into the kitchen within a reasonable amount of time (like an hour afterwards). We didn't leave it there all day, we didn't leave the room to go do something else and leave it behind. Any child should be learning the same.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But don't you think it teaches kids that if they work hard in school they will be able to get jobs that will allow them to afford to hire housekeepers, etc, too?

To a point possibly as long as the parents are constantly reminding the kids of that. However, for the kid to become a successful adult they need to know how to take care of themselves.

I agree, it can teach them that they have to work hard to earn money to afford a housekeeper, but they should also learn that they need to be able to clean up after themselves until they can afford one. They are in the stage of learning and don't have the money to pay for a housekeeper yet (remember, mom and dad's money is not THEIR money). While they are young is the time that they should be learning. It is always harder to learn something new at an older age, whether it is a new language, how to keep a space clean or how to respect others.

Hate to say it, because I work for a great family, but do agree with you somewhat. I am a part-time nanny who also does light housekeeping, so I feel like there's a thin line between what I know I should be doing vs what I would like the kids to do because I feel like they are past the age and fully capable. For example, I used to make the kids' beds and hang up their laundry, but now the kids need to make their beds (or they just leave it) and I will put the laundry on their beds to hang up. I still get their breakfast and lunches ready for them (the parents also ask me to do it), when I know they can do it themselves. The family has a cleaning service once a week to clean the whole house, but they aren't messy people and also clean themselves.

What bothers me is that the kids (11 and 13) don't really have to do anything on a weekly basis, like make their beds, clean up the game room, take out trash, etc unless the parents specifically say to do it. Still a good family.

I agree completely with you! I just recently got out of a live-in nanny job where the 5 and 2 1/2 year old are spoiled rotten! I still babysit them occasionally. The 5 year old can barely dress herself, if their toys fall onto the floor they scream and cry until you pick them up for them, they eat junk food all day, they don't even know what healthy food is. I was there last weekend and added salad to their plates for lunch (we had fish sticks and oranges as well) and the 2 1/2 year old looks at the lettuce and says "What's that for?" I was dumbstruck even though I should have expected it. They are both just like their mother, spoiled and entitled. Their parents will have fun with them when they are teenagers and wanting a new cell phone every week or a brand new car before they even have their liscense.

My newly turned 5 year old can pour his own cereal. Not milk though....he will spill that. And he rarely eats it. I don't think it's that hard to do.

Um, I didn't pour cereal when I was 7. I didn't have a maid, either...

Yes, as much as I love my employers, this is my biggest complaint as well. They are great people, but raising kids this way (and being in total denial about it) is just so antithetical to reason.

That's the problem...they are used to having everything done for them and handed to them on a silver platter. They have absolutely NO CONCEPT of being responsible in any manner whatsoever. It drives me nuts!

Anonymous wrote:But don't you think it teaches kids that if they work hard in school they will be able to get jobs that will allow them to afford to hire housekeepers, etc, too?

To a point possibly as long as the parents are constantly reminding the kids of that. However, for the kid to become a successful adult they need to know how to take care of themselves.

But don't you think it teaches kids that if they work hard in school they will be able to get jobs that will allow them to afford to hire housekeepers, etc, too?

Families can have too much money that enable them to afford TWO houses, a nanny (even though I'm not paid THAT great), a house cleaning service, 5 giant TV's, an endless supply of toys for the kids, fancy cars, etc. This all seems nice, but I have seen how adverse of an affect it can have on their kids. These kids are not taught to do ANYTHING for themselves. Hell, MB still allows the SEVEN-year-old to ask an adult to pour his cereal! INSANE! They never have to clean up and always say that the nanny or cleaning lady will do it. Anytime I ask them to help with anything, they scream and cry. I have tried talking to the parents and they act like they agree, but it never gets enforced. I come in on Mondays to a completely destroyed house, the kids rooms and the playroom are the worst, so clearly they don't have them do any cleaning on weekends either. I end up being told to keep their rooms and play area tidy and if they help, they get an allowance for it! For shit they should already be doing! I just do not understand this helplessness that is being encouraged in some kids these days. They are going to be the most dependent and lazy adults if this keeps up. What is wrong with these parents?!