Anonymous wrote:He sounds like my old db. is his name Adam?

No

He sounds like my old db. is his name Adam?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely not your business. Mind yourself and if that's not possible, look for a new job.

Obviously it's not my business, I don't want it to be my business. However, now I know, so it is my business as it interferes with my working life.

MB tried to make her personal life your business. She crossed a line in confiding in you. It was unprofessional of her as an employer.

Does DB's behavior affect your direct interactions with the children? You say you don't see him often so I can't imagine that his behavior greatly affects you during your work hours. Your job is to take care of the children and sometimes that will mean trying to keep them from witnessing DB being as ass if it is happening during your work hours.

I've been there when working in a volatile situation between a former MB and DB. Their issues were none of my business despite what I witnessed at times. What was my business was keeping the child out of harms way when things flared up. Did I think the instigator of the situation needed serious psychological help? Yes, but it wasn't my place to do something about that. I did my job caring for the child and didn't take sides in the matter as it never directly affected me or my interactions with the child.

Only MB can change the situation she is in. It's not your place to punish DB for something he is doing to her (or the children). If you feel you must do something ask MB what you can do for the children at times you are working and DB is present and being an ass. Your only concern should be the children. Obviously you care about MB and don't like the situation she is in. That shows you are a caring person who just wants what's best for someone you care about. Unfortunately you are an employee and need to remember where your focus needs to be. You can be sympathetic to the situation MB is in, but do not get involved. Maintain your professional boundaries despite the fact that MB has already breached them. Good luck...it's a tough position to be in.

It sounds like MB confided in the nanny because she is seeking help, not because she wanted to dump her personal problems on the nanny.

Nanny as therapist? One mb with ppd told me I was as good as her therapist, and SO much cheaper! lol

Anonymous wrote:Definitely not your business. Mind yourself and if that's not possible, look for a new job.

Obviously it's not my business, I don't want it to be my business. However, now I know, so it is my business as it interferes with my working life.

Definitely not your business. Mind yourself and if that's not possible, look for a new job.

You are mad at DB, but MB is the one who is looking for allies against him and pulling you into the middle of their relationship drama. This sounds like a bad situation all around OP.

It's always miserable to be dragged into someone else's relationship problems, and to have that be the case with such a major involvement as being the nanny sounds awful.

Try to remember that you're an employee and your job is the kids. You're not MB's friend, you don't have to be her confidante, you're not responsible for her emotional well-being, etc... Make sure the kids are protected (maybe you could even gently say to the MB that you're very sorry she's going through this but you want to make sure that you don't convey anything to the kids that they shouldn't have to deal with and therefore it would be easier for you to do your job best if you're not privy to as much relationship info) and that you're keeping yourself emotionally protected also - as much as you're able.

It might get worse. It also might get better between husband and wife which could also end up being tricky for you if MB has said too much etc...

Good luck!!

Anonymous wrote:Its none of your business. You need to try and deal with your feelings about him/the situation. As nannies, we find ourselves in a unique position where we end up knowing more about our bosses than we prob should/need to. Mb confided in you but you will break her trust if you start making it obvious to db that you know more than he thinks.

Really?? Do you seriously think this can turn out well?

Since when did being a nanny, include the job of 'marriage therapist'?

The MB had NO right to dump her marriage problems on the nanny!!

Before you know it, the nanny will be asked to tune-up hubby's jag, while your tot is napping.

Its none of your business. You need to try and deal with your feelings about him/the situation. As nannies, we find ourselves in a unique position where we end up knowing more about our bosses than we prob should/need to. Mb confided in you but you will break her trust if you start making it obvious to db that you know more than he thinks.

This situation will only get worse. Start looking for another job and move on.

Anonymous wrote:Giving him the death glare is a stupid thing to do !

Their relationship is none of your business.
Listen to your MB if she feels like talking about it but stay out of it.

If at some point you feel the kids are unsafe, report it.

+1 it's not your job to glare at him. It's not your relationship and he is STILL your boss.

Giving him the death glare is a stupid thing to do !

Their relationship is none of your business.
Listen to your MB if she feels like talking about it but stay out of it.

If at some point you feel the kids are unsafe, report it.

Last Friday night I stayed late and MB confided in me a lot about DB and their relationship. She essentially let me know what I always suspected, DB is a raging asshole. I've never liked him, he comes off as lazy and inconsiderate, but if I were in his shoes I would have left with the kids long ago. I am glad she felt like she could disclose this to me, but at the same time I can't help but have some major negative feelings towards DB, this has totally ruined the dynamics. Luckily, I don't see DB too often, but I did today, and caught myself giving him the death glare a few times. I just don't trust him now, I don't like him, I don't like the fact that MB and the kids have to deal with that, I guess ignorance is bliss in this case.

Just really internally confused at the moment.