Anonymous wrote:Look, we are not bad employers. I do tend to get a bit excited and raise my voice. Everyone that knows me knows this. We pay well, give a lot of vacation time, and days off. She could do a lot worse.

Yelling is never appropriate, it doesn't matter whether you call it "getting a bit excited" or not. Everyone who knows that you do that thinks you're a rude b*$&%, I promise you. I don't care what benefits you offer, she could do a LOT better.

You are a boring troll.

This "nanny" did nothing wrong and rightfully called you out on speaking (yelling) inappropriately. Apologize for shouting and wish her a happy christmas. Then go away.

"When my sick child told me later that they were late picking up my preschooler, I admit, I lost myself a bit. '...' I called my nanny and I did yell. It just sort of happened. I said that I needed to know if she would be late and it puts a lot of stress on me."

MB, from what you have said, it sounds as if you were reacting emotionally to information you heard, without having the whole story. You said, "I needed to know if she would be late, and it puts a lot of stress on me." I'm not sure I understand what you are saying with this statement. As a nanny, I do my best to ensure each child I am caring for is happy, well cared for and picked up on time. It is stressful when you are late because of something beyond your control. As a nanny, I do my best to handle the situations that come up during the day because I don't want to add to the parents stressful day, if all is well by the end of the day, I may forgot to mention a situation like that, only because everyone is happy and okay now. I may remember later that evening, or mention it in passing, because I handled the situation, and there is nothing more to do. It is just part of the end of the day update. I wouldn't think it was a lie by omission on the part of your nanny, more likely, she was busy updating about your sick child and forgot to mention the delay, since it seems there was no harm done.

If my MB called me in the evening, on my off hours, to yell at me, I would be extremely shocked, offended and hurt. I wouldn't want to go to work the next day at all. It sounds like your nanny handled the situation well, and empathized with how you felt and clearly and calmly drew her boundary. That sounds like the best possible way to handle that morning to me.

Good luck MB, I hope you are able to see this situation from some other perspectives and are happy with whatever you decide to do.

You were very wrong for yelling at your nanny. Would you want your boss screaming at you for a situation that was beyond your control? She was right to tell you that it was inappropriate for yelling at her. It sounds like she took the respectful, adult way of dealing with an unpleasant situation. You might learn from her example.

As far as stressing you out...it was after the fact. Why stress about your preschooler being picked up late after the child had already been picked up? You could have handled the situation much better by calmly asking your nanny to please call you in the future if she's going to be late picking up a child just so that you're aware. Should she have mentioned that she was late at the second school? Yes, but I hardly think it's grounds for firing.

You're out line to suggest that she doesn't put your children first. She does when she is on the clock...as she should be doing. She is under no obligation to put them first outside of work hours. Your nanny has every right to put herself and her family/husband first outside of work. If you wanted a nanny who was willing to attend all child functions outside of work hours that should have been communicated at the time of the interview.

You can't expect her to voluntarily attend games and performances. She has a life and has a right to her own free time outside of work.

I'm unclear why you felt it was necessary to yell at her. She was 20 minutes late due to pick up your other child sick from school. It happens. If you would have rather her communicate to you anytime she is running late you should have shared that with her in advance and not yelled at her for not knowing that. I'd expect her to call the school and let her know that she is running late, but not you.

And I think she had every right to respectfully tell you it was inappropriate to yell at her.

Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if she isn't looking for a new job. If she's as great as you make her sound, I'm sure another family will hire her and hopefully treat her more fairly.

Look, we are not bad employers. I do tend to get a bit excited and raise my voice. Everyone that knows me knows this. We pay well, give a lot of vacation time, and days off. She could do a lot worse.

You sound like a pain to work for. I would start looking for a new nanny Notre. I'm positive she is using her vacation time to look for another job. I've never been yelled at in the 11 years I've been a nanny. If one of my employers yelled at me and then acted as if I was in the wrong I definitely would quit and without notice as I could tell they would be horrible after I gave my notice.

Ugh. Do her a favor and let her go. She'll be thankful later.
You sound horrible to work for.

Not a troll, not the MB from the other post, unless my nanny changed a lot of little details. To be fair, I can see how some might think that. I just didn't peg this as one of those websites where everyone is constantly paranoid everyone else is a troll. I am just a mom who is concerned about the well being of my kids. She didn't mention being so late, which means she was dishonest by omission. This dishonestly concerns me.

It is never EVER apporpriate for an employer to yell at an employee. She told you she is not going to allow you to treat her that way and you are embarrassed for being called out on your bad behvior. She had every right to tell you it was inappropriate to yell at her just as I am sure youbwould have done to her had she been the one acting like a two yr old in the throws of a tantrum.

Some employers want the nanny to call for every little think, some expect the nanny to use their best judgement. How would anything have changed if she had told younshe was going to be late? Would you have waved your magic wand and picked the kid up yourself? Made time stop? I don't get how anythin gwould be different or what the big deal is....it's not like the preschooler will be left out on the sidewalk alone until someone gets there. Get a grip, it's not that big a deal and I am sure they must have realized it was an emergency given it's not a routine thing for her to be late.

And seriously....you really expect your nanny to give up her free time to participate in some crap activity for your kid for free? Um, no. Some ,ay do that, some may do it occasionally, and some may have busy lives. How much time do you spend with your boss off the clock? How time do you WANT to spend with your boss outside normal work hours? Wouldn't you prefer to be with your OWN family????

From your own post it sounds like your nanny does put your kids first. She does her job well and engages them the entire time she's with them getting paid. These are your kids, not hers. She doesn't need to place them first outside work hours.

You must be the mb of the nanny who posted about the insane screaming mb last week. You're a real piece of work. Or a troll.

Oh for the love of God. I considered mentioning that this is obviously not the same situation, albeit similar. Feeling suspicious?

Do you never tire of trolling? You have already posted as the nanny and, apparently, did not create the stink for which you hoped. You need to find a more worthwhile endeavor than posting provocative fake scenarios. Get a life!9

You sound like a psycho bitch. She has a LIFE and your special snowflakes performances and games are only important to YOU. Why would she want to waste her off time seeing some kid's play?
As for yelling, YOU were out of line and frankly sound like a nightmare to work for.

Who should she have called to say she would be late you or the school?

If you knew she was picking up a sick child didn't you realize she would be late for the next one? You should have called the preschool yourself?

You expect her to attend games in her off time??? While some nannies do she should certainly not be expected to. You sound like a horrible employer.

I know it's the holiday's, and everyone is supposed to be merry, but I'm concerned about my nanny. She has been with us for a few months and our entire family, my parents and in-laws included, adore her, and her husband, who we have also met. She is a before and after school nanny to our four children, and she keeps them engaged from the time she gets there until we dismiss her. I have a few issues though. A big issue is, I do not believe my children come first for her. We've had previous nannies that would insist on coming to the kids games and performances, and even when we mention the children have an event, she never offers to attend. The other day, we had an incident when picking up one child from school sick made her 20 minutes late picking up my preschooler. This was fine, but she should have called. When my sick child told me later that they were late picking up my preschooler, I admit, I lost myself a bit. With the stressful situation for all parents after this shooting and the NYC nanny, I felt this lack of communication needed to be addressed. I called my nanny and I did yell. It just sort of happened. I said that I needed to know if she would be late and it puts a lot of stress on me. The next day when the nanny came to work, I pulled her aside to have a discussion. I assumed she would apologize for the miscommunication and I would of course apologize for yelling. Instead, she tells me that she felt bad for stressing me out, but felt it was inappropriate for me to yell. Frankly, I do not think that was appropriate for her to say, as I am her employer and had already apologized. I do not pay her to critique me. Since this exchange, she has been a bit cold towards me, and I think I may need to fire her ASAP.