We have had many au pairs over the years. Everything you mention is part of her job and/or part of being in a family. She needs to do these things correctly. I would never have put up with that behavior. She needs consequences like any child as she is acting like a child. Until there are consequences, beyond just nagging, she will not improve - she has proven this after 4 months. So, consequences are that she loses privledges like using the car, using the phone you have provided (she only gets it when she is out of the house with the children), using whatever is an "extra" that you provide. That is how you have to proceed because she has given you no choice but to treat her like a child (just as you would your 12 year old). I know it seems ridiculous to treat an 18+ person in this way but your requests are being ignored and these tasks are all typical for ANY au pair.

OP - I am also a HM, you have a right to expect much better than this - it sounds like her job is pretty easy, and if she can't even do the few things you ask of her well, you can do better. Give her a chance, talk with her about it and tell her it's not optional, it has to change. If she doesn't, find someone new. There are so many wonderful potential au pairs out there who would love to do a good job for you. Best of luck.

Our AP is similar and we've let most of it go. It bothers me that after 10 months, she is incapable of figuring out where certain dishes go, or leaves the coffee maker dirty time and time again so that when I occassionally try and make coffee on the weekend for myself, I have to clean out grounds and old coffee first. And while my older kids are doing homework, she goes in another room to write a letter, and doesn't play with the younger one, and then wonders why he's having behavior problems to get her attention.

The kids are in school all day. It's ridiculous to think that this AP has so much on her plate.

You are not nagging at all, OP.

I am serious. She's nitpicking over something so small and stupid. AP's have enough on their plate!

I also think kids should make their own beds.

Anonymous wrote:are you serious? how about the kids make their own bed? or you? or your husband? or a house cleaner?

I'd hate to work for you. this poor girl.

you are trolling. pls stop. if you are not going to contribute anything relevant to the discussion, don't say anything at all. if you don't like the au pair deal, fine. say what you don't like about it and why. but saying things like this just shows that you do not know what you are talking about. are you an au pair who had a bad experience and wants the state dept to change the rules? are you a nanny who thinks au pairs are taking your jobs or lowering your pay? do you want to debate what chores children should or should not do? FINE. but take it to another thread.

but please, stop saying things whose only purpose is to stir up trouble. you are losing your credibility.

you are a nagging hm

Anonymous wrote:are you serious? how about the kids make their own bed? or you? or your husband? or a house cleaner?

I'd hate to work for you. this poor girl.

Because she has to make the beds?! You're ridiculous. Pls read the state dept guidelines. Are changing diapers too much? Laundry? Perhaps you should just visit the definition of an "au pair"...

are you serious? how about the kids make their own bed? or you? or your husband? or a house cleaner?

I'd hate to work for you. this poor girl.

I would second the 'come to Jesus' meeting. Remind her that that it is her job to do these things. They are not optional.

Imagine it is your daughter who is doing this at another family's home. How would you want her host mom to handle it? Would you want her to be held accountable? Would you want her host mom to be kind but firm about her expectations? What would you hope that your daughter would learn? If it was MY daughter, I would want her host mom to hold her accountable and insist that she do the quality work she is capable of, so that when she returns and begins a "real" job, she will have already had experience in building her work ethic and accountability. I would not be happy if her host mom let her slack off for a year. (But good lord, I hope my daughter wouldn't act like this!)

HM here. I had an au pair like this. I would have a "come to Jesus" meeting with her. The two major issues seem to be pride in her work and texting/phone. I would outline again what you expect in terms of clean up and say you expect it every day. Don't nag; just tell her plainly. I would also tell her no phone or texting during work hours. Au pairs are young many of them dont have work experience other than babysitting that would have required focus. Explain to her that this is her job and it is not optional. Let her know a time, perhaps in a week, you would like to discuss her progress. This is a family that needs everyone to do their job is the message I would convey. There is no reason to live with it for the next 8 months. You dont help her by not holding her accountable.

Good luck!

OP, she sounds like my AP!!

I'm not sure on any advice because I'm there with you...but looking forward to other answers. I've had to put up signs to remind the AP.

You're not alone!

Anonymous wrote:If she is EXCELLENT with your kids you let it go.

If she's not excellent with your kids is she pretty good, average or not so great with them?

OP again. She is good with the kids. The kids are in school 5 days a week, so she only has them for an hour or two in the morning and then in the afternoon. I think she would get frustrated with much more than that. I think she gets side tracked alot with her phone and texting. This is probably why I would not consider her excellent with the kids. These alone are not things that I would considering rematch over.

If she is EXCELLENT with your kids you let it go.

If she's not excellent with your kids is she pretty good, average or not so great with them?

how do you address situations where you feel like your au pair is doing the bare minimum?

i've talked to our au pair several times and reminded her of things that I would like her to do; for example, wiping up crumbs of the counter after you prepare food, wipe up the table after the kids eat, having her clean up her dishes, and after repeatedly reminding her these things still are not getting done. Its been 4 months. at this point I am tired of reminding her.

there are other tasks that i feel like she does the bare minimum on; she's responsible for making the kids beds - she may pull the comforter up but the sheets are left at the foot of the bed crumpled. toys get left around the house, unless i pick them up. i've asked her on several occasions to make sure the kids pick up all there toys

i am a neat person, so things like this do matter to me. when we interviewed she confirmed that she was neat.

do i just lower my expectations for the next 7 months? or are there other ways to address this.