Nannydebsays is on point. Listen to her.

Back up your MB's play, saying something like, "LO, your mom asked you to do X. Please do what your mom said."

I have found that simply providing back up, without trying to take control of the situation, allows everyone involved to "save face".

And I think I would leave your behavior chart deal with your charge out of the occasion when she's disobeying her mom. Don't penalize her when you aren't the one in charge.

And talk to your MB, asking her what she would prefer.

NannyRachel wrote:I would recommend that you ask your MB how she'd like it handled. Say something like "When you are around and LO is misbehaving what would you like me to do? I don't want to step on your toes but I don't want to stay out of it if that's not what you'd want"

+1

I would recommend that you ask your MB how she'd like it handled. Say something like "When you are around and LO is misbehaving what would you like me to do? I don't want to step on your toes but I don't want to stay out of it if that's not what you'd want"

OP. So the difference is that LO and I have a system with consequences. She has a behavior chart with me and if I have to ask her to do something 4 times then she doesn't get a good mark for the day. When I step in, I bring this up and she gets on board with whatever she is supposed to do. MB hasn't embraced this chart as a tool for herself and doesn't have another system.

I take sort of a middle route. If things are getting out of hand I will step in, but in such a way as to support the MB or DB, not to take over control. I will say something like, "did you hear your mommy ask you to put your shoes on? I think you had better put your shoes on right now." Rather than trying to take ownership of the interaction, I step in just enough to align myself with the MB or DB, and to send the message, "All the adults are on the same side of this. We are a team."

OP. Won't that come off as lazy? Just sitting there watching her struggle....

If MB is initiating the situation, then sit back and let the situation deteriorate. For example, if she made lunch and tells kid to sit at table to eat, let mom handle it, no matter how ugly things get. Don't ever override the parents. If they ask you to step in, then go to town. Or if you are initiating the situation, then do what you would normally do. If MB wants to step in, that is her right to do so. It doesn't matter who knows how to do things better.

My charge, 4yo girl, listens to me much better than she does with her mom. Sometimes this gets awkward when MB is around and trying to get the little girl to do something. She will heavily protest and whine and I'll step in and take over the situation (this in when I am on the clock and supposed to be nannying). LO will shape up and do whatever it was MB wanted her to do. Understandably, this seems to bother MB. Should I hold back and let the situation deteriorate, but leave MB in control? It just feels silly to sit on the sidelines and act like I don't know how to get LO to act right.