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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]Anonymous

OP again. Especially since I am super busy and I move things around to accommodate her. I wouldn't have stayed 50+ times in the last 7 months if I knew it wasn't work-related. She tells me it's work-related because I will then feel obligated to. She knows that. Crazy thing is DB doesn't even know she has been lying to me. He thought she had said the actual events.
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This isn't what you said in your first post, OP. you said the you never minded staying late for work or personal things and that you said you'd tell them when you couldn't stay late. Also, that you didn't mind the extra hours. It looks like you are as dishonest as you claim your MB to be.

[b]I think the only mistake your MB made was to give you any explanation at all for where she was. As long as she could be reached by mobile phone in case of emergency, she doesn't owe you anything by way of reason. If she asks you stay late, and you want the hours, she pays you, and you accept, that's the end of it. It's a simple transaction. If you don't want to stay, say no. She'll find another sitter. She'll have to. No big deal.[/b]

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This, exactly.[/quote]

Maybe she didn't need to tell OP where she was, but the thing is she did, and she lied. It wasn't a mistake, it was a lie, and the fact that she thinks its okay is a problem. I must say I'm not wholly surprised that so many MBs fail to see the issue here, but I am disheartened. If you want an honest trusting relationship with your nanny, don't do things like this. If your work and your social outings tend to be one in the same, maybe that means not saying specifically what you'll be doing. That is absolutely fine. What OP, and a lot of other nannies including myself have been saying is that when you claim something is for work we are more likely to prioritize it over other things we may have wanted to do with our time.

Our job revolves around you doing yours, and personally I will usually rearrange my plans for MB if she has something important to do with work. I know that MBs are intelligent enough to realize this, and it really isn't fair to misrepresent your commitments to manipulate your nanny. Maybe I wanted to meet my husband for dinner. If my MB says she has a work meeting, I'll probably agree to stay and go out for dinner another night. I would be highly pissed to find out she was actually meeting friends for drinks and dinner, even if they happened to talk shop for a few minutes. However it is her right to not tell me what exactly she needs me to stay for, if she doesn't want my judgement or whatever, but then I am less likely to drop my plans even if they are casual plans. It is the lying that is a problem, or misrepresentation, since you all refuse to admit that this was a lie. [/quote]

You hit the nail on the head. I don't work unless MB works. Therefore, I will set aside plans to spend time with my own family, missing birthdays, baby showers, and major milestones because I want to support my employer. I would want to know in the interview if MB had the type of job that often required her to attend social events after work. If it is once in a blue moon, who cares? But if she needs that type of support on a regular basis in order to maintain her profession the she should have bargained for it. Like you, I am less likely to shift my plans if I don't get a compelling reason to. I don't even mind staying late ONCE IN A WHILE so that MB can have some time to herself. OP has been manipulated into believing MB has a high pressure job and now that the lie has come out she doesn't want to be lied to anymore. That is fair.

The MBs posting here don't seem to understand that key piece, that MB should request to extend the hours to fit in her regular happy hours if it's so important to her and not that MB isn't allowed to ever go to after hours events, work or personal.[/quote]

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