Reply to Nineteen-month-old male charge like to play with a baby doll at the library playroom.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here with a comical update - First, I had ever intention of talking to MB about what her husband said but only see her on Fridays.  So, [b]yesterday I take my charge to the library play room with every intention of letting him play with the baby doll[/b] and he wasn't the least bit interested.  He didn't even pick it up once!  My MB ended up working late yesterday so I didn't see her and DB didn't mention it again.  [/quote]

Why do you keep taking him there to put him in a situation that is harming him? And also blatantly trying to go against DBs wishes. [/quote]

OP here and my charge loves the library.  We read, go to story time and then he plays.  There is NOTHING in the situation that is "harming him" but everything in the situation that helps his growth, education and development.  DB never said not to take him to the library or the playroom, he just said he didn't like him playing with dolls.

But yes - I absolutely would have gone against DB's wishes and allowed my charge to play with the doll if he wanted to.  I didn't agree with DB and had decided to talk to MB about it.  Fact remains, the situation resolved itself.  [/quote]

You don't have books at home?[/quote]

LOL  Yes, my change has lots of books at home and we read them all the time.  Children like variety, PP, and the more books he is exposed to the better for him.

Public libraries are GOOD PLACES.  [/quote]

Your boss, the childs father, has asked you to stop putting him in that situation. Grow up and act right.[/quote]

OP here and no, he did not ask me to stop putting the child "in that situation".  I thought my initial post made that clear.  He would never suggest that we NOT go to the public library and certainly never ever did.  He knew we would be going again the next day as it is the charge's usual story time.

And [b]I NEVER agreed to stop my charge from playing with the doll.[/b]  NEVER.  Again, I thought I made that point very clear.

Anyway everything worked out and everyone is happy.

I really think you need to calm down and stop taking this so very personally.  I can give you the same "grow up" advice, Dear.  Please stop embarrassing yourself now and stop posting on this thread.    [/quote]

New poster here and an MB.  First of all, what the dad said would really bother me and strike me as ridiculous.  So OP, I agree with you there.

However, you also sound like not only are you saying you will not stop the little boy from playing with a doll if the opportunity presents itself, but you are intentionally putting him a situation where you hope he DOES play with a doll, just to get back at the dad (or something--I am not sure I understand the motive).  Your intention of returning to the library was to have him play with the doll, as you first described it, even though you later backpedal.

While I think the dad sucks to have this perspective, your actions bother me as well.  We had one nanny who was very vocal about her certainty she was always in the right about child-rearing, managing a child's behavior, etc.  She was very experienced and had nannied for a number of families before ours.  I often disagreed with her when it came to my own children--one child in particular, whose needs I felt were different--although rarely, if ever, did I explicitly ask her not to do something because the battle wasn't worth it to me.  But it really grated on me, and I felt that over time, our relationship deteriorated.  She had no interest in listening to my perspective--on my own children!--and just felt she knew what was best for every child.  I do think it's critical as a nanny to accept that a mother or father's perspective on parenting their children may be different from your own, and unless they are asking you to do something that is wildly inappropriate, abusive, or unrealistic, it's best to follow the lead.  If you are not comfortable with this then you shouldn't be a nanny as it's a core part of the job.  The parents are placing a great deal of trust in you and it's important to them that you all be on the same page as much as possible.

Our nanny was otherwise a great person, but her refusal to acknowledge that she could ever possibly be wrong, or could ever possibly learn anything new about children from anyone, really bothered me.  I wish in retrospect I had been firmer with how she managed one of my children, because he was never able to develop a healthy relationship with her (though had with previous nannies) and I believe this was largely due to how she approached him.[/quote]

OP here and you misunderstood my post, PP.  The father always wanted to continue my taking his son to the library (where the baby doll was) so it was never an issue.  And although the situation resolved itself (my charge isn't interested in the doll anymore), I feel in hindsight that where I was wrong was in not talking to my MB about it immediately to clarify and in not asking now they expected me to implement this if that is what they both decided.

As an update, I did tell my MB what DB said about him not wanting his son to play with the baby doll and MB said he was a jerk and laughed.

So all is well that ends well, I suppose.  [/quote]

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