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[quote=Anonymous]“After a month, travel from Europe, OP you are not jet-lagged anymore. You are probably depressed and that's why you are so tired and napping”
Yes, this is not jet lag any more but just being depressed and boredom.
I thought I’d find good friends to go out with but we are about 6 Au Pairs in my cluster, 2 of which don’t go out because they live far away and don’t have a car or public transportation.

“Have you signed up for a class? 
Have you joined a gym? 
Do you have any hobbies?”
I haven’t signed for a class but the father has asked me to think about it soon.
I’m going to have to tell them I don’t plan on staying the whole year, so it doesn’t make sense to enroll in classes.

“Have you talked with your HP about the week they will be in Mexico in a conversation - can you ask if they are open to you taking some time to travel while they are away? “
I didn’t say anything and didn’t thinking about taking some time off this early in my Au Pair year.
And I wasn’t left a choice, they want/need me to be home in the morning to open the door and in the evening to shut it.

“You need to allow your HF some space too . . . going with the HF on vacation is not a right or expectation”
So I guess I didn’t read correctly the line “being treated as a family member”. Do you leave a family member on his own if you go somewhere? I don’t think so.

“Maybe rematch is right for you . . . but there are probably not a lot of other families with just one school-aged child looking for a rematch AP. Be prepared that your rematch family may be more demanding (more children or younger children).”
I am ready for that and used to work in a daycare back home in the summer to replace employees.
“Buy a cheap tv or iPad mini. Your concern is valid and you should have one in your room for down time. But, with that said, we only have one tv we actively use but I'd never expect someone in your situation to share with us.”
They also said we can share the CD player … hehe We obviously don’t have the same taste in music and at my age music is really something I want to enjoy on my own ? But it was nice from them to say we can share everything ?

“Honestly - I think the OPs reaction to her host family is very common among Au Pairs. You bring a young girl from another country who is slightly immature and you put her in a new culture, where she is expected to work and meet expectations of the host family. That is a large order. I am not saying that it can't work out but I think it is a definite challenge for both parties. Both parties have to have the right mindset to work through it. I don't think OP is. “
Most Au Pairs leave their own family to go and live with another family. There’s a gap between the two and it’s nice to feel welcomed and treated as a member of the family. While they have been nice to me, I took to heart to be left on the side and I can’t get over that feeling.
“Regarding working hours - was your host family not up front about that when you interviewed with them? Did these change after you arrived? “
I knew I would work 45 hours and more when there’s no school. I didn’t know I’d work when they were home (in the evening when I put their kid to bed, on Saturdays during the day when they’re around the house or locking themselves in their bedroom while I’m in the next bedroom with their son, playing with the very few toys he has. Luckily I manage to go to the park/playground quite often and we bring a ball or a bat etc They told me there were many kids on their street and that their son was active playing with them … I find out once here that he has no friends, and I understand why because he throws fits often and I never managed to organize a playdate, the kids don’t want to come to the house ? I’m sad for this kid.

“Bashing your host mom - you may not like her because she goes to the gym or goes out with her husband - try to be open minded. You did come for a cultural exchange. She is likely a women with a family trying to make it work. Your host family must have had some redeeming qualities if you felt welcomed.”
The dad is very warm, talking to me a lot, he works from home and comes to say hi once in a while, we get along great.
The mom not taking care of her son doesn’t have anything to do with cultural exchange. A mom is supposed to be a mom, getting her kid up, putting him to bed, read him a story, spend some time with him on a Saturday. I wouldn’t see anything wrong in her going to the gym, eating out with her husband if she was a good mom the rest of the time. She barely talks to me and when she does she doesn’t look at me straight in the eyes. She’s ill at ease and then I’m ill at ease as well.

“This AP, if she is real, doesn't want to be with this family and probably shouldn't be in the program. Her priorities are inconsistent and strange (one minute she's willing to pay to go to Mexico, the next she is offended they aren't taking her to Mexico. Not to mention later detailed injustices such as no TV in her room! And suddenly she works until 9:30 pm.) “
I don’t see why I would invent a story. I’m living it everyday and it’s hard  being here and somewhat trapped because I have nowhere else to go ? So if you don’t believe me, then just don’t read this post and move on ! I’m glad I’m getting some advice and help in choosing the right decision, I don’t have time to waste.
And I’ve always worked until 9.30pm and not having a tv to relax when I’m done is a problem for ME. I understand some people don’t care about tv, maybe they have a car to go out and other friends around. I can take the car IF the family doesn’t use it – which is not often.

“I'm going to call it as it is. This AP is a fake and any energy anyone spends on her fake problems is a waste.”
Then stop wasting your time and find something more useful to do ?
“OP, many of your concerns have merit; however, fair warning: you will probably not find a family through rematch. Your valid criticisms are overshadowed by your petty complaints. And unless you have access to the family's bank accounts, you have no clue about their finances. We live in a nice home, have two cars, etc but everything is on a budget and no one, including an au pair is going to dictate how we allocate our funds. You can ask our first nanny, whom we let go after the third time of refusing to follow our direction and insisting on buying premium brands. She later admitted that it was a huge mistake when her next family threw around money on brands but had nothing leftover for her bonus (which was in our budget).”
Again, I don’t care about their money. I didn’t choose them because of that but because among other applications, they said they were warm and wanted a girl that’d be part of the family and not a party girl. They wanted a girl that would come along when they go out on weekends etc.
“+1 Host parent here for 4th year. I wouldn't hire her. During my interviews with her and her host family it would quickly become clear to me that she didn't act in a mature manner and try to address the issues with the host family before resigning. Life is stressful enough, I wouldn't want to invite that level of drama into my home.”
I am not willing to try to make it work, that’s why I didn’t try to address the issues before resigning.
For me it’s too late, I can’t forgive them and I came here to be happy working with the kids, have fun on my own, meet people, visit etc. I’m getting none of that right now, that’s why I want to move on. And about the drama, I’m sorry but even though I’m not happy, I try my best with the kid and speak nicely to the family, am respectful as much as I can.

“OP, while you seem to have made up your mind you should be aware that there is a high likelihood that you will be heading home”
September is the perfect moment of the year where you can find a rematch easily, my LLC told it to me, she already has contacts with families, all she’s waiting for is that I talk to my family. There’s no way I’m going to go home ! I have waited for years to come as an Au Pair, saved money to travel, planned my studies so I could take a year off.
To end this long post, my LLC agreed with me that it wasn’t nice from my host family to leave me home for one week just 3 weeks after I got here. She’s willing to help me go through a rematch but first I need to talk to my host family. And I know I have to thank them for welcoming me etc but that I am not comfortable staying for a year with them.
I’ll try to talk to them this evening after work. I’ll let you know how it goes ?
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