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[quote=NisforNanny]OP, It sounds like your first nanny ceased to be a good fit for your family's needs when your family's needs changed.  I agree it would have been great if she'd instead emailed you asking for a way to make a notice period work work for both of you.  From your description of the situation, if sounds like resigning was an appropriate decision.

I've worked with a couple of WAHP, some of which have been VERY pleasant and professional work settings.  I think it's great that you have the ability to be hands-on with your child while maintaining your work obligations.  In order to encourage a healthy relationship with your next nanny and between your nanny and child, I'd like to suggest the following:

1.) Set up a workspace for yourself that is separate from where your nanny and child typically spend their time.  They should be able to go to the playroom, kitchen, bathroom (potty training isn't that far off!), and child's bedroom without your child seeing you. You should have a door, which remains closed while you are working - a visual cue that you are not available.  Some parents whom I've worked for have used a white noise machine in their office to block out sound, as I know a toddler can be as distracting to a parent as the parent to the toddler.

2.) In the mornings, say goodbye to your child, tell her that you love her and when you will see her next.  Help your child become more confident and secure in her attachment to you by learning that you are reliable and consistent - especially when you are not present.  A good nanny will reinforce this while you are working.

3.) Make sure that your child has engaging activities while you are working.  You will think about each other a lot less if you are both doing productive things.  Playing and developing relationships with non-family members are important skills for your daughter to develop and are developmentally appropriate.  Depending on what's available in your area, I would consider relaxing your standard about time out of the house to make leaving the house part of your child's daily routine.  I am considering things like "taking child on a walk to look for red things" an outing; not every outing needs to be an event.

4.) Develop a consistent routine for your child/nanny/self, even if the durations of each activity vary day-by-day.  When I worked for WAHP, this was key.  The kids generally knew that their parent was home, but knew exactly what to expect and when to expect it.  Because they understood their routine, they were comfortable with it.  Figure out what parts of your child's day are most important to be involved in and coordinate those with your nanny.  (e.g., Do you want to nurse your child when she wakes up from her nap? Do you want to say good night before nap or put her to bed?  Join for lunch? Have Mother-Daughter lunches on Tuesdays?)

5.) During your time with your daughter, try to be very positive about your nanny and her time with your daughter.  Prime your daughter for this to be positive and your nanny to feel supported.

6.) Don't pop in on whims or if your daughter is fussing.  I'm sorry, I realize that this is your daughter, but as a nanny, I personally find this incredibly frustrating and undermining.  Your daughter is a toddler and is going to vocally express frustration and upset.  Some of these times it might be entirely appropriate for you to soothe her.  Many of these times it is not.  PP gave the example of perhaps she is fussing because she isn't allowed to dump out a box of cereal - or maybe in a few months she did dump a box of cereal and nanny is expecting her to help clean the mess.  In these instances, your intervention would likely be distracting and detrimental.  Hire a nanny whom you trust to know when to call you and be specific about when you want to be called.  If you want to be available to your daughter when she falls down, tell Nanny that and work out a system so she contacts you in those instances.  Respond to NANNY'S calls, not CHILD'S.  I recognize that that is very easy for me to type and that I do not understand how hard it would be to implement, but I believe this trust is probably the most important component in a successful WAHP/Child/Nanny relationship.

7.) During the day, consider communicating with your nanny via text messaging.  I know it seems kind of lame, but it's a fairly non-invasive way for you to get updates and it sounds like you need/want updates.  Definitely ask a potential nanny about this prior to hire (and potentially offer to cover a texting plan, if she would incur additional charges) but I've used this as a way to communicate with a WAHP while we're in different rooms of the house - it was less disruptive to her child and in gave me autonomy in that child's eyes.  I didn't always love sending/receiving a ton of texts as part of my work day, but recognized that sometimes WAHP needed to know why her child was screaming in order to be able to focus on her work (it was almost always because I wouldn't give him the chop block of knives) and to coordinate with her on the days that she joined us for lunch.  Even if she texted me thirty seconds before coming down for lunch, it allowed me to tell the child that Mommy was going to have lunch with us - versus her magically appearing.

8.) When interviewing, be very clear with candidates that you are a WAHP and involved in your child's life, including during the nanny's workday.  While this may eliminate some candidates, it will only eliminate the ones who would not be a good fit for your needs.  Discuss at length their ideas to make this healthy and productive for everyone.

Good luck OP!

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