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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, you're going to get attacked, but please just focus on the ones that are constructive.

That sucks that you were dumped without notice, completely agree.  You do have to acknowledge, however, that her job completely changed from what she had originally accepted.  It sounds like the job became a poor match for her.  So it sucks, but let that one go and focus on being a better employer for your next nanny.

You do not have to be less engaged and there certainly are successful WAH parent/nanny relationships, but I can completely see how a nanny, who is trying her best to form a connection with a child, would become very very frustrated if every time a 14mo fussed, mom would run out of the office and cuddle with her.  If you want it to work, you need to stop that.  It doesn't mean you're not engaged, it means that you hired someone you trust to take the best care of your child and you need to let that person be the one to handle your fussing child during your work hours.

Even a 14mo who has the best mother ever is going to fuss sometimes.  In fact, don't you want her to fuss sometimes?  What if she wants to pour a box of Cheerios on the floor, your nanny says no, and she starts pouting and throwing a tantrum.  In that case, she needs to be left to pout.  You have to trust that when you hear pouting or crying, it's not always that your nanny is ignoring your child or mistreating her.  It could be completely legitimate.  Again, you need to find someone you trust and let her work.

I also think you need to rethink your restriction on keeping your child home. I agree that a 14mo doesn't need to be out of the house all day, every day, but why can't they be out every morning at the playground or library or where ever?  A 14mo would probably be happy going new places with her happy nanny and everyone wins.  Am I reading your correctly that two out of four days a week your nanny and child are inside all day?  Doing what?  Can you clarify the reason for this restriction?

OP, let's have a productive discussion about this and hopefully you can get to a place where you can feel good about how engaged you are and also have a nanny feel trusted and able to do their job.[/quote]

As someone who was a nanny for a WAHM for 4 years, I think this is an excellent post. The relationship between a WAHM and a nanny is a delicate one. I hope you can find helpful suggestions from others. [/quote]
19:39, could you please offer up some thoughts and specifics on why you feel your situation worked, where as most others, don't? Something beyond the 'we respected each other', even though that's certainly part of the equation. Thank you.[/quote]

I'm sorry; I'm just now seeing this. I will be happy to share why I think our situation worked so well. First and foremost, we genuinely liked each other. When you are in a situation with a nanny and WAHM it's important that you get along. You're going to be spending a lot of time together. It's not the same as hiring someone who is great with the kids. It's more like a roommate situation.

We had very similar parenting styles. It was rare that we clashed on how to handle a situation.

We had open communication. There were times we needed to have uncomfortable conversations but we had mutual respect and our main priority was the kids. Mom knew I cared about the kids as if they were my own and I knew they viewed me as family.

I was in charge when I was there. End of story. In 4 years there were VERY few times where I felt as if she undermined me. From the beginning the kids were taught that when I was there, Mom was working and I was the boss. This is key. We were consistent. There were times they'd test it and try to pull one over on us but we didn't let them get away with it.

Mom allowed me to make my own routines and have my own way of doing things. I didn't feel like I was being watched or micromanaged. I was able to come and go freely just as I would have if she wasn't there.

I hope this helps![/quote]

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