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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Our au pair has a boyfriend and for the last two weeks she has been staying every night at his apartment. We let her use our car (we have an extra car just for her) every night and she comes back for work in the early morning. She intends to continue staying there rather than here, and coming in for work and leaving almost immediately after her shift is over.

Generally this is fine with us, we want to be supportive of her relationship and she is punctual in her return. (Although overall she is a somewhat mediocre au pair; not bad but not great.) But the other night there was trouble with the car and it had to be towed very late at night (we called roadside assistance to her; it has been repaired now). She came back with the tow truck at around 11 pm (maybe a little bit later) but immediately left back to her boyfriend's apartment (he drove her back). It was very late and she had an early start the next day. Concerned that she would be tired, this morning I told her (very diplomatically) that I thought it would have been a better judgment call on her part for her to have stayed with us rather than leave back to her boyfriend's apartment, as it was very late and she had an early morning. I told her I was concerned she has been tired lately. She basically blew up at me; getting super angry and defensive and telling me that she was mad at me because she does her job and what she does on her free time shouldn't be of my concern.

Can you please get me a reality check here? Am I in the wrong? She seems to have gotten very entitled lately and has become very difficult to speak to. I want to be supportive but I also don't want a tired au pair who bolts out of the house right away and comes back the next day. She says that arrangement "makes her feel like a grown-up." Would love to hear your thoughts.[/quote]

Whatever she does after hours is not of your business. How is she entitled? Just b/c she uses the extra car?[/quote] When we had a baby and an au pair taking care of the baby we mandated a curfew during the week/Sunday night (midnight), so that she would, in theory, have a full seven hours of sleep before starting at 7:00am. We disclosed this during matching, and it was never an issue. [/quote]

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