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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your wife is jealous of the nanny because your son has spent almost all all his waking hours all his life with someone who loves him.  Maybe you and your wife should take a lesson from this.[/quote]

OP here,

My wife had the opportunity to stay home but she declined the job.
My job did not give opportunity to work from home but if it ever does, I will take it and spend time at home. having a baby was my idea and my wife didn't at the beginning but we agreed to have a full time Nanny. Our son knows he is loved and wanted but he has chosen to love his Nanny more than his mother.[/quote]

It makes so much more sense now after hearing this! It clearly relates back to her not really fully wanting a child and not wanting to take on a full time mom role to them. The fact that a stranger (in the beginning) could take on that FT "job" that mom didn't want and still care about the child as much as they do, feels like a big personal jab at mom's character. Like how can someone else love my child and all that time with them so much while I can't/don't? So she's taking that out on the nanny.

Unfortunately, if she doesn't have what some would consider to be the "ultimate bond" between her and her child at this point, that's unlikely to ever happen. She can come to terms that not everyone is going to have these feelings that society makes everyone believe people are supposed to have. It's OK to love your child but not be intensely bonded to them. It's OK that you'd rather work FT than be a FT SAHP. There are plenty of people that choose to be child free and have super happy lives because they don't want or need that kind of connection to children. It seems like she would have been one of those people but chose to have a child FOR YOU OP, and this is sometimes the result of those circumstances.

Best thing to do is get her therapy to let her know it's OK to feel less connection to her child, it doesn't mean she's a horrible person. Provide opportunities to have good bonding times, but understand if she takes a step back at times. Get her to realize that it's beneficial to have a nanny that loves the child and child gets more chances to feel that love from others. Find ways to build up her relationship with the nanny in a positive way.[/quote]

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