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[quote=Anonymous]OP you sound completely unhinged.

You are not unreasonable for being mad at your AP bringing someone into your home without your consent but everything else is pure madness.

She is an adult, you are not her parents and even if you feel morally responsible for her, you aren’t. She is an adult, again.

Your former LCC was completely out of place for telling APs they couldn’t use dating apps. You do not own your AP, as an adult she is entitled to having a dating life and sex life and shock horror but you don’t actually have to approve of it.

I have worked as an AP and yes plenty of APs make very poor decisions, plenty end up having way more sex than they would in their country of origin and go off the rails a bit on the premises that it’s their one year abroad. But you know what ? They are entitled to do that. They are entitled to making mistakes and potentially suffer the consequences of it.

Most APs will have come with their own birth control supply, some APs don’t want to take birth control and the majority most definitely probably don’t want to discuss their birth control choices with you.

I don’t even introduce my dates to my own parents, and rarely to my friends, no way would I introduce dates I had to my host families as a full grown adult. The same way I didn’t expect the single mom I was working for to introduce me to her dates and tell me where she was going and when in case something bad happened to her and I needed to call the cops, I trusted her to take the necessary measures to keep herself safe so I didn’t have to tell her kid that something bad had happened to mummy.

As an Au Pair who did have sex during her year with people from apps and the else without involving my host family, I always made sure I was safe and someone knew where and who I was with (my friends though not my host family), I made sure to use protection but would have refused birth control from my host family because I didn’t want to talk about my reproductive system with them, the same way I didn’t feel entitled to ask them about theirs (even though my host mom getting pregnant would affect me more than them me).

Someone used the term « slut » to refer to their AP because I can only assume she had lots of sex with different people. It is absolutely shocking that people (especially other women as I bet this post was made by an host mom) would refer to other women as « slut » for having a thriving sex life.

Again, your AP was out of bound for bringing someone into your house and you would not be unreasonable to rematch over this. You would also not be unreasonable to remove the car but that will also make her more dependent on strangers for rides.  You are 100% out of line for expecting to know details of her dating life and expecting to meet people she sees on her free time and being patronizing over how she leads her life and imply it’s the lack of education. (Have you met many college students? A lot of the APs I knew were college graduates and still having sex right left and center and making piss poor decisions.)

Apologize to your AP for being so controlling, tell her bringing someone over to your place she barely knows and you haven’t met or agreed on is unacceptable and pick the appropriate consequence. But please take a step back from her dating life. She genuinely doesn’t owe you full transparency here. [/quote]

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