Reply to AP asked for help finding "extra work"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The fact that you don't believe that parents would leave their baby/children alone with an Au Pair for a few days (probably based on the fact that you wouldn't do it) is neither here nor there, [/quote]

I dearly loved (and still love) my HF. They were great parents and they had the most amazing family life I ever experienced anywhere. My biggest goal in life is to raise children as great as theirs.
However, they definitely left me alone with their four kids (2 to 13) for two nights - HD joining HM for a work trip (wedding anniversary). With two kids sleeping in the basement and two on the second floor, I spent the nights in the guest room on the first floor with my door open just in case something happened. With them leaving in the morning of day 1 (I started working 6.30 am, as I usually did) and not returning until the evening of day 3, I worked approximately 60 hours in a row (but hey, I got Friday off!). They also let me [i]drive[/i] from the Westcoast (where granny & grandpa lived) to the Midwest with their then 2 year old. A three day trip (~28 hours). Alone (with a friend but no family member present).

[quote=Anonymous]And surprise, but shit counselors who couldn't care less about their job do [exist] too. [/quote]

Our first counselor quit without telling us or our HFs (and our cluster was tiny, 6 APs!). If I remember correctly two or three months into my year. I remember the first meeting (which she arranged on such short notice that only one other AP showed up, she then dumped me on said AP, telling her to take me to the movies and drive me home afterwards - I had arrived a day before, I barely knew where I lived! The other two APs who arrived with me couldn't make it that day, she couldn't have cared less) and then trying to reach out to her to no avail, multiple times. My second counselor (to be) was an exAP - kind, caring, motivated - she would have made an amazing counselor. Unfortunately, the agency eventually decided she wasn't suitable (I assume because a Canadian exAP who had married her US boyfriend at the end of her year and was now pregnant with their first child wasn't the best role model). My third counselor was a HM herself, four kids, single mom, working full time - all but one meeting were at her home. One of the APs ended up in a really crappy deal (HP got divorced, very messy divorce actually, kids went crazy, oldest (14) beat her up with a belt, held his younger sister at knife point... fun things like that), counselor recommended her to stay because of the few hours she actually worked and all the freedoms she had (designated car, nobody cared if she slept at home or not or where she spent the night... a 19 year old!). Same counselor still had all her folders shrink wrapped when somebody asked her a question about some rules. She got married and moved cross country when her AP's year was up. She was nice enough she just didn't really have the time or energy the job would have required (and how should she?). I never met the last counselor I had. None of them ever stopped by for a home visit. 
Strange, I thought I remembered going through five counselors within my 12-months stay. Anyhow, four or five, doesn't matter. My HF told me that the one I never got to meet was actually decent and stuck around for a while.

And it wasn't even only our counselor who simply didn't care. One of my friends had rematched from a family that was horribly abusive (working 60+ hour weeks, getting yelled at constantly, basement bedroom without an egress window - in a windowless basement, that room should never have passed an inspection; the family was actually dropped from the program after her rematch and we know how rare that is) and ended up in a situation that was only slightly better. Two young children (3 and 5 maybe) and all she got was a to-do list for each week, which HAD to be completed. List said "go to the zoo"? Zoo it was. Who cared if there were tornado warnings every day for the week. She had to take them to the zoo rather than a childfriendly indoor activity. List says pool and she is on her period? Nope, can't take the kids to the pool next week when she gets better. It's on this week's list. She also had to clean all kids' toys with bleach every week. It ruined the skin on her hands. They told her to go buy gloves. No, they didn't provide them or pay for them.

The problem is that different people have different reasons on why they stay with an abusive HF. The threat of not finding a better HF in rematch. The threat of not finding a new HF at all and, depending on their cultural background, possibly losing their face if they return home early. Advantages they have that might compensate for the drawbacks in their eyes (car, pay, hours).

[quote=Anonymous]I am [b]not[/b] saying parents should encourage or help Au pairs find a second job but most Au Pairs I know definitely [b]don't[/b] fill their host family up on what they do with their free time anyway, so not too sure how the logistic of actually stopping an AP from working a second job would be as I am sure plenty of APs would just do it without mentionning it to the host family if they knew they would be against it anyway? [/quote]

I would even go so far as to say that a HF should not encourage or help their AP find a second job (because it's totally illegal) but PP is right, most HFs don't know (or care) what their AP does in their free time. As long as it doesn't impacty their quality of work. Neither do most counselors. What eyes don't see, the heart doesn't grieve over. Maybe the main office might care if they know.

[quote=Anonymous]As seen by this thread there are both terrible families and terrible Au Pairs,[/quote]

This. And a decent HF will never be able to imagine how terrible a "terrible" HF can really be. As decent APs won't be able to imagine how terrible a terrible AP can be. Because it's so far out or their own reality.[/quote]

I am the HM from 13:08. Wow good to know. But what you say makes sense to me. I know some HMs who travelled and left AP with kids plus grandma or another form of help (this is something I could do when the kids are older). My previous AP told me she stayed with her previous host kids alone for a few days but she got pay extra and the kids were older. In any case you are right they are crappy HMs and APs. As for Counselor/LCC, were you with CC? The only crappy LCC I have encountered were with CC, they have to get more HF/APs to get more money. I am currently with APC and Counselor is a full time job. Mine is really great and respond to email immediately. She had told me that if she doesn't respond to an email within 24h, i.e. she didn't see it and I should call her![/quote]

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