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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Let it go for now, but bring it up after the holiday.  And give her a break.  There are a ton of people in her house, who are apparently high-maintenance guests, her autistic toddlers are out of their routine so her evenings and overnights arw probably a train wreck and her child was lost.  I am sure she was losing it with worry about her kid and embarassment that her neighbor witnessed the whole thing.  Bring it up, but have some empathy too.  She needs a wake-up call, but she probably needs a stiff drink too.  ;)[/quote]

So it's fine for her to go off on OP be sure poor MB is stressed.  She invited all these people and she should have told them that OP has absolute authority over children.  What a jerk.[/quote]

No one has said to let it go permanently.  We have advised that a little empathy will go a long way towards resolving this to everyone’s satisfaction.  Y’know, like a grown up.[/quote]

The mother certainly did not behave like a grown up nor did her miserable relatives.  And the empathy for the nanny is where exactly?

How long are some of you mothers going to play the " poor me" card?

I am an employer of a nanny and a mother and I truly loathe responses like yours, PO.  Insinuating that the nanny is behaving like a child and the mother - who behaved horribly - deserves sympathy.  [/quote]

First, I am the orginal poster in this subthread and I am a nanny, not an MB

Second, I never said that OP was being childish, I implied that the advice that she should a) focus on how terrible her MB must be to do such a horrible thing or b) quit her job in a rage over one incident is very childish.  It sounds like OP is handling things well.  She is taking some space to cool down and thinking through what she needs from MB to rebuild this relationship.

Finally, it is absurd to insist that anyone who isn’t outright condemning the MB thinks her behavior is okay.  OP isn’t unclear on that; she knows MB is in the wrong and is asking for help proccessing and handling it.  My advice is that part of proccessing and conflict is some perspective-taking, and there are a lot of things going on for MB that are contributing to the behavior she needs to fix.  Practicing empathy for MB is going to much more successful than coming at her with furious demands and blame.  I have worked for my current NF since oldest NK was born and the family before that for 5 years.  If you want a stable nanny career you need ro be better at resolving conflict than you are at righteous wrath.[/quote]

NP here and blaming the nanny for doing exactly what to asked them to do is a harbinger of greater issues, PP.  I truly do not think this is a simple "resolving conflict" issue.  Having empathy for the mother - who is in charge of and responsible for this entire situation - is like have empathy for a husband who hits you.  If the MB is capable of blaming the nanny for this situation, what is to stop her from blaming the nanny for a worse situation later?  Working with Special Needs children is a totally different ballgame.

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