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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You need to ask the AP what she would most likely do during her time off during the day from Mon to Fri.  If she plans to go out most every day on a regular basis (to the gym, Starbucks, see friends, day classes several times a week etc.) then, you will have a difficult time with 3 people sharing 2 cars during the weekday.  If she has a split schedule but all her friends work straight through the day, she won't have friends to go and hang out with anyway.  If she doesn't like going to the gym and is more a runner or cyclist who prefers the jogging or biking trails (is there one?) by your house, then she won't need a car.  If she is a home body and goes into her room every chance she gets to skype with people back home, then she won't be going out much.  Not every AP will desire to go out a lot and need a car with unrestricted access.  However, you need to understand your AP's needs and like other PP said, she may have a personality that will be reluctant to tell you what she really wants and her unhappiness just festers until something happens that sets her off and she calls a rematch.

Bottom line is you really won't know until she gets here about what kind of activities she wants to spend her time doing.    She probably doesn't have a clue either and whatever she tells you now is only what she imagines anyway.  She may imagine a certain kind of life and feels it is okay to not always have access to a car until reality hits and she makes friends with others who have access to a car when she cannot or she finds something she likes to do that she did not know about before but needs a car to get to.

If unrestricted access to a car is not feasible, then at least make the car access a regular and dependable schedule so the AP can make plans and not have to check with you every time she wants to take the car out.  Having the choice and ability to use or not use a car feeds into a sense of independence and contributes to happiness.[/quote]

This is the best response you've gotten OP. Listen to it.[/quote]

Yes I agree but this isn't new .... it is exactly the point of my post. She says she runs, reads, does crafts, etc and does not need to leave house everyday during the morning. This was discussed during the match when I explained the car situation. She says she doesn't need the car at all to be happy.  But I think she may change her mind and so am planning for that to happen, as I felt she was being very agreeable but may actually want to know the car would be there for her x number of days. as you said, I feel like a schedule she can count on is best, hence my post about what would be reasonable. I do think we can find out more when she gets here - but I have to start somewhere and think it is important to spell it out in advance as much as possible. I plan to email entire handbook before she gts on plane. That was why I posted, but few people are seeming to understand that I have good intentions. We are not buying a third car that is cheap and unsafe and not able to find the $70/mo pp found on her rental . That's how it goes with anonymous message boards though people live to try to turn anything into drama or some inconsiderate situation that it isn't.[/quote]

I am the previous PP.  What is "reasonable" is subjective.  Ask 10 people and you will get 10 different examples of what a reasonable car sharing schedule could be.  Ultimately, it starts with what you can feasible offer to do in this sharing scenario without being resentful that you and your husband are bending over backwards to give this AP car access.  You need to figure out your "ideal for you", "compromise that you can live with that will not be too inconvenient" and "the most you can do that will create hardship but for a rockstar AP, it is worth it".  Once you know your top and bottom limits, then you can check with the AP on what she really wants (likely have to wait until she gets here since nothing is real until she is living her AP life).   Then see how far the gap is between her (what she "wants and would be nice to have" versus "essential to be happy") and your family (your top and bottom limits).

Regarding the handbook, I like to send the entire handbook (minus the parts that are not relevant until AP gets here like household appliance instructions) to the AP before match.  I want to avoid the AP being "surprised".  I err on the side of full disclosure.  Of course, some AP will agree to anything to get matched and then complain later.  Cannot eliminate that risk but at least, for the AP with good intentions to find the best HF fit, it is better to be an open book before match.  I also find that talking about contentious topics like car, vacation, schedule, chores, guests, food etc. on Skype or email in pieces do not yield the same level of comprehension as the AP reading the details word for word in a handbook.

Better to send that handbook sooner rather than later.[/quote]

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