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[quote=Anonymous]10:31, I'm the .75 miles poster and I agree with you - tried to say it less eloquently in one of my initial posts: "The other thing I do actually get is that her friends are going to be in the Bethesda suburbs. You can take a bus to those houses, but it is really inconvenient, requires lots of walking, and is very not sexy to show up at your friend's house party sweaty from the walk and when everyone else has driven."  Bethesda beyond right around the downtown area is very suburban.  OP, check out the boundaries of your cluster to see where a lot of your AP's friends will live.

This is what I mean by keeping an eye on it.  Our first AP rarely drove and it happened that most of her friends lived right nearby.  She wasn't a big clubber and wasn't out late.  She liked to walk and didn't mind being physically uncomfortable for a short time in the heat or rain.  She would have done fine with no car access.  Our current AP stays out really really late frequently, her friends are all over the place (met most of them through Facebook rather than her cluster or they are Americans), and complains bitterly if she's even a little sweaty.  She would be miserable without car access even in our public transportation-friendly situation.  (guess which AP we liked more...haha)

We explained our car situation to both of them the same way.  I've learned over the years of hosting that you have to be a bit careful about the "but she knew this when she matched!!" excuse.  Remember that when APs are in the matching process, the host families come to them.  They have to sit back and wait for someone to contact them.  Some are going to get tons of interest and will be able to pick and choose and get a better idea of what's out there and the variety of situations.  Others are so excited, they jump on the first family that seems sort of nice.  They generally have no idea that most families in Bethesda will offer a car, or that there are tons in DC that don't.  They generally have no idea that if you say it's a short walk to the Metro, what that actually means for how they are going to get around.  So it's a work in progress throughout the year, and for things other than car use too.  You learn about each other, learn where the rules can be bent, learn how far she's willing to go for you and how far you're willing to change for her.

Now obviously some things are not negotiable.  We only have one car and I am absolutely not buying another one, period.  So if an AP was so miserable with us because she didn't have her own car, we would just rematch.    But you'd be well-served by being upfront, but not being totally inflexible (within your own limits) too.  Not to say that you have to offer car use - and that could be your end point.  We'll offer it, but won't buy her another car.  You might give her a little extra money for the metro or cabs, but won't offer car use.[/quote]

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